Starting to Experience Life

Posted: February 23, 2011 in Uncategorized

I am just beginning to understand what it means to be alive. It is a huge relief to me, to let go of all the many thoughts circulating in my mind.  As my awareness grows, more and more, I am able to bring myself back ‘here’ in each moment of each breath.

As well, I am comprehending how the mind conscious systems ‘kick in’ in the early morning hours of my sleep. All the dreams and ‘messages’ about needing money/success. They have screwed me up for years, keeping me in a state of fear, worry, ready ‘to do battle’/fight my way through life, controlling me. I used to take them (the dreams) very seriously and thought they were me, or my higher power. Now, I can relax and let it go. I know who I am, as I am in the process of learning to be ‘here’/the breath of life /the living word.

I am also quite shocked and fascinated by what I read in  my course yesterday (Desteni I Process) that I am quite literally ‘memories’–memories of memories–past on from one generation to the next. My past determining my future as I experience it in the present. Oh my God, I am an organic robot, my life is pre-determined. I can literally ‘see’ that now.

Well, I am grateful for a practical solution with Desteni. To learn how to stand up and say ‘from here no further’. I refuse to exist as a mind consciousness system. Now I understand why it is more ‘real’ (as in ‘me’) to express myself in the moment and not ‘plan’ out what I want to express. If I start planning in my head with thoughts, it is the mind!  Of course life requires some effective planning but this can be done in the ‘awake’ moment without going into the mind.

I always wondered what it meant to ‘wake up’ that human beings are ‘asleep’ even in their waking moments. What a delight to stop my thoughts and just ‘be’! Now when I go into my mind, there is such a heaviness and such a trierdness, I don’t worry, I simply apply self forgiveness  (most of the time) and move freely. I use to ‘think ‘ about what needs to be done. This made me less effective in my day and I always had the feeling of ‘failure’ and ‘not enough time’.  Moving through my day with the breath, I find I am getting much more done, with less stress/fear/anxiety and I actually experience joy at the simple sunshine, no expectations…just breath. Thank you.

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