Process: Changes

Posted: March 14, 2011 in Uncategorized

Man I’m lazy. Even though I know how beneficial it will be to do my 4th assignment of the DIP course, I fight starting the actual ‘work’. You know, it just occured to me , it’s just my definition of ‘work’ ‘assignment’ ‘school’ that I have trained myself to associate with ‘hard’ ‘straining’ ‘painful’.

Its actually quite neutral and yes after a few hours can be tiresome, something you need to get up and stretch/take a break from . Same goes for blogging but I now stop the mind, sit and start and trust myself/my process and know the main point I want to get across–voila…easy.

I mention the 4th assignment because it will be the first time I will write/script a self forgiveness corrective statement. What an incredible opportunity…to change who and what I am and to effectively direct myself here, in the physical, to become life! It’s only one step…but I know it ‘s huge.

I say this because over the last 3-4 days I have noticed I am naturally (well, much more naturally) stopping my mind and staying ‘here’ with the breath. And when I did have a thought or picture in my head, THATS what seemed unnatural. I also noticed what a constant and relentless stream it was-thoughts/pictures occurring one after the other-boom, boom , boom I had to say ‘stop’ ‘no’ or ‘delete’ often but that’s ok. Most of the thoughts were just starting and I was able to stop them. I felt stronger, slept better, asked that my headache go away-actually stated ‘I do not accept and allow this headache’ and it left.

NOTE:  I have been able to do this kind of thing before my intro. to Desteni BUT it would always freak me out if I did something that wasn’t ‘normal’ and it-the total release of pain- wouldn’t last. But today it did easily. I didn’t have the tools before really. Today I stopped myself from thinking things that would usually scare me or feel ‘feelings’ of guilt/fear. Even bullshit thoughts like ‘you think your superior’ I simply stopped  .

However, just step out your door and see how much you’ve changed-right? I visited my mother, in the hospital and woosh-fell right back in line of playing a role for my Mom and many feelings of shame, guilt, remorse came rushing back.  That’s ok because, again, I have the tools of self forgiveness, self honesty and breath. I am grateful for small beginnings.


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