Process: Facing my Fears one at a time

Posted: April 6, 2011 in Uncategorized

The first fear I chose to look at was, “I fear smoking”, which is a fear of death and a fear of loss. I have included part of that document here, in which I look at the words that come up for me around these fears:

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Loss-
What I fear losing in death:
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the relationship with my husband through death.
I forgive  myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the relationship with my children through death.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the ability to support and assist my children here in the physical through death.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the ability to share a sexual experience with another through death.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the ability to orgasm through death.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the ability to be a girl/woman through death.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my human physical body through death.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing the enjoyment of my human physical body through running, playing, singing, talking, eating, drinking , sleeping, seeing, hearing, supporting and assisting others,sharing-enjoying the company of others, laughing,being silly, being with my Mom and siblings, being with my dog and cats, watching tv through death.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing friendship through death.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my home/comfort of what I’m used to through death. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing memory of who I am as Sandy in this present life through death.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear losing my existance as a ‘being’ through death.
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I realise that I am myself, whether I am here in the physical or in the dimentions, I am me. I am constant and changeless, I am learning about myself and it is a process. I realise I have been a mind consciousness system for a very long time and It will take time to birth myself as life , here in the physical. I do not accept and allow myself to be impatient, critical of myself during this process. I accept and allow myself to be loving and patient with myself, unconditionally.
I realise I do not understand all that is involved when ones human physical body ‘dies’ and that I trust myself to continue my process of discovery and be able to ‘see’ what is really here and what is real.
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Whenever I think of losing- a loss of something, be it a relationship or physical- through death, I stop, I breath.
I realise that I direct myself here in the physical and stop all reactions based on fear of loss through death.If I find myself wanting to control events with thoughts in my mind – I realise I am in a fear based reaction – and stop myself. I no longer accept and allow myself to be directed by this fear of loss.

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End-

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘end’ with the word ‘death’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give the word ‘end’ a negative meaning.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear death being the end of my existance.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘end’ with my life having no meaning/being meaningless.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘end’ -with a negative connotation-to the thought that I am a helpless victim/powerless. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘end’ with the words ‘helpless’, ‘victim’ ‘powerless’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘end’ to the word ‘depression’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think that death, being the end of ‘me’, is depressing.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘end’ to the word ‘hopeless’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘end’ to the word ‘control’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘end’ to the thought at death I have no control.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘end’ to the word ‘pain’ fearing at death I will experience pain.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘end’ to the word ‘rejection’ fearing as I approach death I am rejected by my physical world/people and life itself and now useless/can be discarded like garbage.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘end’ to the word ‘garbage’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘end’ to the word ‘alone’ fearing at death I will be all alone and no one can support and assist me through the experience.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘end’ to the word ‘darkness’ fearing at death I will forever be in a dark/black place.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the word ‘end’ to the word ‘memory’ fearing at death I will have no memory/little memory of me as Sandy or no existance at all–I dissapate or cease to exist in any way.

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I realise the word end is neither positive or negative but a tool I use to communicate and has no power of its own except what I give it. I no  longer accept and allow myself to give the word ‘end’ a negative meaning to myself. I no longer accept and allow myself to connect the word ‘end’ to the word ‘death’. I realise I dont know/fully understand what will occur for me when I leave my human physical body. I realise, through my process at Desteni, beings exist after ‘death’. I realise it is a process of self discovery-overcoming the fear of death- that will take time and I am patient and loving with myself. I accept and allow myself to take percautions-be ‘careful’/eat well/smoke light -so my body will ‘last’ as I release the mind consciousness systems in my human physical body that cause it to decompose/decay within so many years.

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Whenever I go into an energetic reaction when I think of death being the ‘end’ of me, I stop, I breath. I realise that I direct myself here in the physical and stop all reactions based on fear towards death-causing me to react in words in my mind/memories/pictures in my mind that could cause me harm. I no longer accept and allow myself to be directed by this fear of death causing me to want to control events .

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re-defining words:

‘loss-‘ To let go of all beliefs and ideas of the mind consciousness systems; limitation, diminishment, competition, differences and be left with what is real, here in each breath, in the physical. A reminder to never become ‘lost’ in my mind again—never ‘lose’ one’s self again.

‘end-‘  The end of the enslavement and control of the mind consciousness systems. This end is my freedom to now birth myself as life in the physical. The end of time so as never again to be a slave to time, death, in endless cycles of birth and death never remembering my past life , never remaining here or anywhere as life. The end to breathlessness as I remain here in each moment , with each breath, free to explore, express who I am in the physical.

Thank You

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