Vanity & me: Process : Self Forgiveness on The Beauty System

Posted: June 24, 2011 in Uncategorized

I forgive myself for not accepting  myself  and allowing myself simple to be who I am in  the moment, when I I look in the mirror and see wrinkles on my forehead and judge it as ‘bad/ugly/negative, ’when I think I am too short,  when I  think I don’t look thin ‘enough’, when I think I need to dye my hair to ‘cover the grey’, when I look at my breasts and think they are too small, when I think my nose is too big, when I think ‘I look older’, when I think my legs are ‘ugly’ because they have cellulite, when I think my navel is ‘ugly’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not love myself as who I am in each moment of breath when I go into an energetic reaction of fear about aging, and subsequent thoughts of  death, when I think I need breast implants and subsequent thoughts of fear that  Alex will leave me,  when I think I need to fix my navel, nose, teeth and  when I compare myself to another woman thinking I am ‘better’ or ‘less than’ her.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to separate myself from other women through a constant stream of thoughts, I am often unaware of, and constant comparison,  “she’s pretty, she’s ugly, that is not a good look for her, she shouldn’t wear that, she’s trying too hard to impress, she thinks she’s so hot/better than me, she’s too fat/heavy, I’m prettier than her, I’m more desirable, I’m less attractive than her, Alex(any man I’m going out with) would like her more because she’s prettier than me”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from myself by criticizing a part of my physical human body in separation of the whole, my whole self and in my mind comparing this body part to that of a picture of a model or other woman I feel is ‘better’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself as plain/ ugly without makeup and pretty with make up, for  judging  myself as sexy with high heels and fashionable clothes, for judging myself as looking old with no make up or with reading glasses, for judging  myself as pretty with a tan, for judging  myself as ugly/plain with no tan, for  judging myself as ugly with regular glasses (I wear contact lenses), for  judging  myself everytime (almost ) I look in a mirror as looking ‘good’ or ‘bad’ that day, having  ‘bad’ hair ‘good’ hair ‘, and for judging my smile as ugly if it is not white ‘enough’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to define myself  according to a picture every time I look in the mirror, see my reflection in a window, get dressed, I see another woman who I judge as better/worse ‘looking’ than me, I am in the presence of others and I want to impress them and the picture is pretty or ugly, sexy or plain, fat or skinny, good enough=desirable or not good enough = undesirable, embarrassing or proud.

 

 

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Comments
  1. michelle says:

    thank you sandy!

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