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Self-Forgiveness on the memory

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory exist within and as me of me and my Dad talking, at the cottage, about selling the cottage to one of his children.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of talking to my Dad about selling the cottage thinking he needed my guidance to make a ‘good’ decision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of talking to my Dad about selling the cottage in which I was sitting in the main room, looking over the lake and to have this memory exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of talking to my Dad about selling the cottage when I was intoxicated with liquour and thinking it would be ‘shared’ among my siblings and myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of talking to my Dad about selling the cottage and feeling ‘inferior’ and ‘sorry for myself’ now that the reality of the situation that I have no access to the cottage, has set in.

Self-Forgiveness on reason for holding on to the memory:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of taking to my Dad about selling the cottage to one of his children so that I can remain in a ‘victim’ self pity’ role in my life, forever stuck in timeloops, playing the jealous thoughts over and over in my mind, as to not move on, take responsibility for my actions in my life, so not move as the directive principal of ‘me’ instead stuck in regret of the past, so my ‘here’ is actually thoughts of the past and  creates my future from the starting point of the past regret.

Self-Forgiveness on connection to the thought:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a memory of taking to my Dad about selling the cottage to one of his children to the thought, ‘I should have never told my Dad to sell the cottage to one of his children.’

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Realizations/ Self-Corrective Statements

I realise it is pointless/waste of time to hold onto a memory of talking with my father about selling the cottage.

I realise I had to go through the experience of alcoholism, loss of property, loss of marriage, loss of all my money , loss of myself= how I perceived myself to be as a human being (went ‘insane’ lost control of my mind) in order to bring me to a point where I could accept the truth of the Desteni message and pick myself up, to now stand one and equal with my world.

I realise I love-respect my father (he passed on) and do not want to focus on this memory of him.

I realise he was correct, it would have been ‘better’ to sell the cottage to someone outside the family-or I understand his concern now-thoughit does not matter to me , especially after doing this assignment.

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Whenever the memory of taking to my father about selling the cottage comes to my mind I stop, I breath. I no longer accept and allow myself to by possessed by this memory, to have it control me by bringing up harmful emotions and thoughts, to have it enslave me to the past as a ‘failure’ that I lost an opportunity for family time in a ‘beautiful’ setting and a valuable asset. Instead I bring myself back to the physical, to ‘here’ in each moment of each breath where I exist one and equal to all.

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I realise this memory keeps me trapped forever in a timeloop, destined to re-live the past by re-playing the ‘tape’ in the present and creating my future from this starting point of fear of loss/regret and jealousy.

I realise I have refused to stand up by holding onto this memory, by remaining in a victim role , self-pity role and not taking responsibility for my life and my actions. I can blame my father for ‘listening’ to me when I was drinking and ‘didn’t know better’, for favouring (in a material way) my sister over me, “she always got the ‘good stuff’, my parents spent more money on her and I was the ‘nicer’ of their 2 daughters, it’s not fair, whaaaaa, whaaaaa.”

I realise none of the self-pity does anything to change ‘what is’. It is a useless waste of my time and I no longer accept and allow myself to participate in thoughts of self-pity and self-victimization.

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Whenever the reasons of remaining in the timeloop of self victimization and so not taking responsibility for me as my thoughts, emotions and actions -regarding  the memory of talking with my father about selling the cottage- comes up, I stop and I breath. I realise  I no longer wish to live in this way as purely a system on ‘automatic’ enslaved by memories. I no longer accept and allow myself to point fingers at others or circumstances if I am dissatisfied about a situation. Instead I bring myself back to the physical, to ‘here’ in this moment of breath and I address whatever it is that is bothering me. I remind myself to be grateful for all I have and that I am not in need of anything but am in the process of birthing myself as life in the physical in which all my needs are met and participating in a solution that will bring about a world in which  each and every beings needs are met, one and equal.

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