SELF FORGIVENESS BOOK: Childhood;Thought Patterns

Posted: September 28, 2011 in Uncategorized
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Probably, my earliest memory is when i  was 4 or 5 years old. I sucked my thumb as a child. I was the youngest of 4 children. I remember being with my sister, outside of our home on the sidewalk and she said, ‘If you keep sucking your thumb, you’ll get buck teeth and the boys won’t like you.’ I recall being quite concerned even though I didn’t care about boys I was aware that this seemed quite important and this is something I didn’t want to occur, that it was ‘important’ to look ‘pretty’ for boys. I stopped sucking my thumb shortly after that! I could see my Dad went to work=made the money and my Mom stayed home, so perhaps even at that young age I equated ‘survival’  to ‘looking pretty’.

Thought : It is important to look pretty for boys/men. Thought pattern: Look pretty for boys. It is important. If you are not pretty you lack ‘value’ and you will be ignored. If I am not pretty ‘enough’ the man/boy will like another more and ignore me. There is a limited number of ‘appropriate’ men/boys for me to choose from. Therefore, I must ‘compete’ with the other women/girl’s for the ‘better’ men/boys. If you are ignored you will miss an opportunity to be dependent on a man who could provide financial stability, comfort and company for you. You will be alone, an ‘old maid’, and will not ‘fit into ‘ society and be an outcast. You will not be part of the ‘family system’, be homeless, childless, and die without money.

Self Forgiveness: I forgive myself for accepting and allowing to think ‘If I am not pretty boys will not like me/desire me/choose me as a life partner’. I forgive myself for believing the thought  ‘If I am not pretty boys will not like me/desire me/choose me as a life partner’. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the thought  ‘If I am not pretty boys will not like me/desire me/choose me as a life partner’  exist within and as me and to believe it is real (specifically, to believe ‘pretty’ ‘ulgy’= polarites of the mind are real versus each being is just here as a physical expression of themselves, no judgement required). I realize this thought makes all other women ‘enemy’ so I am in a state of constant turmoil – controlled by my mind in an energetic state of fear- of women as they can ‘take’ from me opportunity or whom I now have as my life partner.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect ‘looking pretty’ to the thought ‘If I am not pretty boys will not like me/desire me/choose me as a life partner’. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the emotion of fear and the emotion of anxiety to the thought, ‘If I am not pretty boys will not like me/desire me/choose me as a life partner’. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the words competition, threat, hate, high school, clique, winner, loser, thin, fashion, divorce, war, enemy, jealous and  jealousy, to the thought ‘If I am not pretty boys will not like me/desire me/choose me as a life partner’.

I realize this was the first of many messages I was to receive about the superficial ‘importance’ of physical appearance. There were several on T.V., adds on billboards, magazines etc.  I realize I rarely heard messages about comfort or dressing/appearace to express myself as who I am as life. I no longer accept and allow myself to connect physical appearance as ‘pretty’ to being liked/desired by men. I no longer accept and allow myself to engage in the polarity design of the mind as thoughts of ‘pretty’ and ‘ugly’, ‘desirable’ and ‘undesirable’, ‘better than’ and ‘less than’. I realize this started a pattern of competition with other women for the attention of a man. I realize I believed there were only a scarce few opportunities because of ‘time’ and number of suitable /desirable men to choose from. I realize this started a pattern of thought that I would never ‘get ‘ the best looking/most popular boy/man because I was pretty but not beautiful. I realize this started a pattern of belief that ‘appearance’ as ‘good looking’  is important to be ‘chosen’ by a partner and in ‘choosing’ a partner. I realize through this belief I focused on my and others outward appearance superficially and virtually ignored all others whom i deemed ‘not good looking’ and therefore not ‘important’.

Self Corrective Statement and Directive Action:

Whenever I go into an energetic reaction of fear and anxiety at the thought, ‘If I am not pretty boys will not like me/desire me/choose me as a life partner’ I stop, I breath . I no longer accept and allow myself to be directed/enslaved by this fear as thoughts and emotions in my mind, instead I bring myself back ‘here’ to the physical, to what is fact real. I realize I do not control others by how I look but in fact react to my own thoughts and emotions. I realize I am not a picture and no longer accept and allow myself to exist in this limited way. I accept and allow myself to express myself in comfortable clothing and how I want to in the moment and no longer ‘worry’ about fashion. I get out of my head and continue with the task at hand and my day.

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