Posts Tagged ‘ascension’

Why even talk about this? Isn’t anything private anymore?

Well, the thing is, we are all here. If we are honest and take an assessment of our world, we see much sexual dysfunction, violence, abduction even, all around sex. Yes folks, you don’t need to die to go to hell anymore, its right here on planet earth in 2012!

Why is the world like this ? How did this happen?

So what, you ask? What does that have to do with masturbation, it is my ‘right’, it is my body, I can think what I want to ,I am not hurting anyone.

In this fascinating account, which is the free 30 minute introduction of a series of audios on masturbation, it is explained how our masturbation-how it is currently practiced by human beings- becomes a mind possession through the participation of images in our minds, our fantasies. These fantasies become an energetic addiction that ‘grow’ become more extreme to feed upon itself to satisfy the desire.  It goes on from there.

It is, indeed, not harmless to you or others. We are all connected, as we are all here.

Be good to yourself, free yourself, learn to pleasure yourself without giving up intimacy with another…and so much more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYUatzmcyDY&feature=youtu.be

Desteni.Org

EqualMoney.Org

DesteniIProcess.Com

What happens to children when they pass over from this physical dimension of earth? Why are they protected?

He did not embrace heaven, why?

What part are they playing in existence as a whole?

This is a fascinating account of a young boy who died of cancer at the age of 7, what he found on the other side and his understanding of what is going on in (what was) heaven and earth. He did find stability with other children that had passed.

Then something happened!

It was something ‘…we’ve all been waiting for…I knew, in a way, everything would be ok….’

‘The answer… to ourselves, to the return to ourselves…’

Enjoy this amazing story! http://youtu.be/yCFO2J4Ii7M

Well, it’s pretty rad, it actually means no Coach purses OR in time Coach purses for all!  Lol, I say this because I received a flyer in the mail today advertising the latest coach purse. I recall about 18 years ago a very wealthy friend defending her purchase of a $1000.oo coach purse (her therapist had told her to get over her guilt that she was ‘privileged’ and start enjoying life without the burden of guilt-and she has ever since, lol). I was dirt poor at the time but I was suppose to be ‘big’ enough for this financial gap not to bother me, nothin a few drinks couldn’t fix. So, 18 years ago they were making one thousand dollar coach purses, hence the reason I did not bother investigating this flyer further.

My point is, everyone wants quality, coach is a very high quality product so why wouldn’t anyone want a useful, practical product? To live absolute is to supply this for all who have a need for it firstly, then for all who just want one for pleasure. To live absolute would be to delete the brand name, as privately owned for profit company, as why would there be a ‘company’ label on the product, no need because no company.

Certain individuals would make this needed product, from a best for all starting point, so that the product would last ie. 50 years and the product is priced so it is attainable to all who need/want it.  Living absolute would mean the factory workers, who make the purse would be paid an equal wage as all inhabitant of this earth so they have no need to ‘fight’ for higher wages.  They would also live free of a mortgage, rent, utility bills as all necessities would be provided for freely.

Living absolute would mean the factory workers, managers, sales staff, cleaning staff, office staff, etc. would all have equal ‘ownership’ in the purse factory because there would be no ownership! Ownership not required , never was, just one of the many purposefully, confusing economic ‘realities’ of capitalism based on this well documented theory: if you throw enough shit at a wall, some of it will stick.

Can you see the beauty in living absolute?  Less fear results in less illness, results in increased cooperation, results in increased production… Let’s let the snowball of ‘best for all’ roll for awhile.  Another capitalistic lie, there is not enough to go around.

Living absolute mean no separation. So if you are me and I am you, we won’t bother about trying to manipulate

each other by suggesting my purse is better that yours or  I deserve mine and you don’t.  I won’t talk nasty about your purse behind your back because that would be me, using my mind based on  opinions and judgements. Where did I get that opinion? From my mind as a past experience, from what my parents or government told me, or from my mind as learned polarities of good/bad, better/less than, inferior/superior.  To live absolute means to shut down the mind as who and what you are and to live within/from a starting point of always asking ‘what is best for ALL?’ within each and every situation imaginable.’

Is that drastic, severe? Not to me, to me it is drastic to kidnap/hold captive  and repeatedly rape a 4 year old girl, take naked photos of her and videos so other men can jerk off. To me it is severe to starve an innocent little baby for a whole year before it dies, so it only knew suffering and agony for it’s entire ‘life’, when it was totally avoidable/not necessary BUT WE DID NOTHING.

To live absolute means no separation, you are indeed one and equal with all that exists here; humans, animals and the plant kingdom. So your father is my father, there are no separate families or government philosophies, afterall, we are the family of human kind (I use this term with some trepidation).

Why would I judge your purse (as old, unworthy, inferior, better than mine) when I could, just as easily, get one the same or a style that I prefer, if I want/need.  Everything I am saying here would be applied with and within common sense. No one would be allowed 100 coach purses as this would indicate some form of mental confusion and indicate ‘fear’ of lack (using ones mind), that results in the unwarranted act of hoarding.  This would be viewed for what it is , a mental problem that requires correction/assistance.

It may seems silly to use Coach purses as an example of what it means to live absolute but seems just as silly  as any other example to me.  Afterall, coach purses for all, truly would be heaven on earth darling!

It will be interesting to see how human beings treat each other in the probable event that the world’s financial markets do indeed, collapse.  Will they panic and pick up weapons to defend what little they have left?  Will they band together to help their neighbor? There will be much fear and chaos, that is for sure. What would I do?  What does it mean?

I don’t know all it means but I’m going to guess it would mean most-if not all-who have money invested in the stock market or bonds etc. will lose their money, the value of your home would diminish to the point of loss (you owe more than it is worth),  you lose your job, pensions would be lost.  The elite will try to control the many by insisting the world can be re-built on capitalism again but the people will have lost ‘hope’. Good, we will live without it.

So to ‘survive’ this financial collapse will not be a matter of keeping the ‘assets’ and money you have or ‘getting back’ what you have lost. To survive this you must let go of your ideas about assets/property ownership/social classes/hierarchy/ special or privileged groups of people on this planet. We will have to finally (after being forced by losing everything) embrace what Jesus said, ‘Love thy neighbor as thyself’ or vanish as a race by ensuing panic leading to war/famine/disease from our food and water.

To survive this financial collapse will take great courage and honestly, self-honesty.   Each person will have to face himself/herself self honestly, looking at where the current financial system of the world, capitalism, led us and if we really want to create that again and why.

I heard an analogy the other day, that the world was like a big monopoly board and we’re just playing ‘life’ as game.  The winners are clear now, the elite, so ok you won, you’ve got all the property, resources, toys and vacations, all the pleasure, all the pie. The rest of of lost, ok. Lets stop this game and wipe the board clean. We’ll have a break and write some new rules. This time we’ll change the rules.

I would suggest, do not vacate your home or apartment because the banks tell you to. I would not leave unless they picked me up and carried me out. I would have no where, like many, to go. I will stock pile some food, lots of water, matches, batteries and other of the typical survival kit necessities. Will it be used, who knows?

But…most importantly, I will work toward re-building a new system, a new world, which will be based on best for all principals and not who can ‘win’ at the game of life here on earth. I don’t care who can win and I will not accept and allow  a new, ‘improved’ capitalistic system to emerge from the wreckage of a financial collapse. The new world will be based on equality, in fact and not based on charity. All will live as one and equal in harmony with all life, as in nature and the animals. Separation will reign no more, there will be stillness of mind and a real/true peace on earth. Heaven on earth.

Who the hell am I to make such preposterous statements? I am one being here, who is standing up and saying ‘no more’. I am standing up with a group of people at Desteni.Org and we are proposing an Equal Money System for our planet so greed never rules as our god , ever again. If some of this rings true for you, please investigate EqualMoney.Org and join us!

In 2012 and beyond we as a race, the human race, will be forced to face our religion of self; how we have been existing in self interest, in and as the mind.

Our excuse for ignoring the suffering of millions?  Survival of the fittest, apparently it is ok to just take care of myself/my family to any degree, even if I make a billion dollars I can ‘keep’ it and not share because I am superior/more ‘fit’ than my fellow man as I made/received more money=God on earth, than my fellow man. I have my private mind, so lots of ‘company’ to soothe my guilty ‘heart’, of unlimited thoughts, justifications, denials, spites, comparisons, etc.

In this private religion of self, one does not have to face the common sense practicalities/facts in this world for the reason I have so much and others have nothing. Some of these would be where I was born, my parents and grandparents wealth, my ability to be educated, my access to proper nutrition and medical expertise, the mental state of my parents while they are raising me-are they well rested, over-stressed, able to pay the bills? Also the religion I was born into and exposed to, cultural practices, and others, all have a direct effect on my ability to make money in this physical reality.

Charity is another sad excuse for us not taking responsibility for what we have created on earth. It seems that the on going status quo of charity is acceptable to most in this world. But it does not and will not solve the literal ‘hell on earth’ that is ‘life’ for millions of people. Charity does not end starvation, rape, poverty, sex-slavery, prostitution, famine, war, violence, domestic-violence, abuse etc.  What will end it ? Us, here, only us ‘here’.

Please look at the photo I have placed within this blog. Your pain is not greater than another’s pain, this is a simple statement. It is so clear, the message is clear and simple. It matters not to these children that you have some grand theory about their ‘fate’/’lot’ in life or ‘lessons’ they and you are here to learn. They are suffering this moment, they are in pain. Your thoughts are bullshit excuses to close your eyes again.

STOP STOP. Stop the mind as your self created religion, kill your ego as your created life story and birth yourself ‘here’ as life in the physical. Live what is best for all and not in self interest of ego. Of course we can end starvation, we need to implement an equal money system and build a new distribution system. It will take time and great effort.

My self religion continually tells me I am lack, not good enough for an ‘abundant’ life , people/men will always leave me,   I must be fearful of lack of money each day, I must ‘worry’ , I must obsess and I can find comfort in alcohol, pills, food and somewhat my children, I cannot trust myself, I should get a traditional ‘job’ and on and on it goes. It tells me I need to buy a cottage, it’s not fair I don’t have a cottage (although I have a home) because all my ‘peers’ have one, I should get plastic surgery, new clothes, travel, have a husband that earns more, blah, blah, blah.  Greed, jealousy, great fear; these things are a part of my self religion. Also kindness and ‘charity’ for the ‘poor unfortunates’ who have less than myself and my ‘lucky’ family. But don’t give too much, don’t leave yourself short, just a little, there, yes , you are a ‘good’ person. Now, no need to think about others, get to work to make money for myself and my family.

So, I stop my mind as my ego, I face and let go of self-created self-religion in each moment ‘here’ in each breath and I bring myself back to the physical.  I do this with the support and assistance of a group of people at Desteni.Org. I am learning to not be limited by my mind through DesteniIProcess.com online course.

It is not acceptable to exist in and as my mind, one must face ones own creation of what is here on earth today. It is our responsibility to change this world into a place where each being lives ‘best for all ‘ principals in each breath. We cannot change what we are not aware of, stop the charade, stop your self-imposed blindness, stop abdicating your responsibility and start being/living the change. Join Us!

There are two main reasons why I could hear the Desteni message.

First, there were many things I suppressed from childhood and young adulthood that Desteni spoke about in a common sense way that I found to be validating and awakened my, long since abandoned, sense of  self-trust.  Why do we blatantly ignore the suffering and death of so many millions of helpless children and obviously vulnerable people in our world?  Why do we not change our systems of economy and distribution of food and goods and services so this is corrected?  Why do we throw our hands in the air and say it is impossible to feed/take care of each other as one family? Why do people get pissed off when I try to talk about it? Why do we not see the evil of capitalism? Why do we spend trillions of dollars on an arms race that can never be ‘won’?  Why is ‘God’ unfair? Why do we die? Why is it not ‘right’ to question ‘God’?  Does God want children born with cerebral palsy? Why should I think/accept this is a loving God? Who’s God is ‘right’?   Why don’t the people who live with extreme abundance share with others the have nothing  and say one should learn and earn, yet they pass down this wealth from generation to generation-through a bull shit excuse called ‘birthright’?  Why don’t we change the rules to what is best for all ? I could go on and on and on.

Desteni does not manipulate and discuss these and several other issues with a silver tongue or kid gloves, neither in self interest. This group tackles these ‘difficult’ issue head on, no mincing of words. I appreciated that right away and felt empowered because I wanted answers to the devastation I saw in my world. Desteni does not offer information without a solution, I appreciated that too.  Desteni advocates for an Equal Money System to be implemented in our world.  Equality, real equality. Ok, I thought, I’ll keep reading and listening to these video interviews. Some of the interviews were done through a portal. The reason I had no problem with the portal, after I watched a few and accepted they were valid, is my second reason I could hear the Desteni message, which I will discuss shortly.

I watched the Jesus interviews and Audrey Hepburn interviews first. I have not reviewed them for awhile but what sticks with me is they were both consistent with the main message.  They both spoke about self responsibility and that human beings had ‘missed the mark’ regarding what is important in life-we have life ‘upside down’. Basically, that each person is responsible for the mess we have created here on earth, as a whole, and that each and every one must face themselves, see/be aware of self, apply self forgiveness and walk the self corrective path in each moment of each breath, if we are to make the changes necessary to survive.

Jesus said we are all the same, including himself, although he came to earth with a knowing and understanding and ‘seeing’ ability that we do not have, at this time . Unfortunately, his simple message of ‘love they neighbor as thyself’ and ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’ has not been heeded.  Now that all made sense to me. Audrey Hepburn drove home for me that, I too, am guilty, by participation and acceptance, of all the worlds current problems. I wanted to point fingers, still do, and blame and hate and be angry but as I learn to stand as one as all as equal this does not make sense and must be stopped, within myself first, that is my responsibility.

The second reason I listened to Desteni was I had experienced problems with my mind. I had experienced/heard voices in my head and listened to them until I was quite insane. I could not sleep and was barely able to function. I medicated myself with alcohol but then became an alcoholic. These voices seemed to ‘know’ things that were impossible and predicted things that quickly came true, several unexplainable things occurred to me over the years, the voices/communication terrified me at night so I also took sleep medication. I was able to ‘pull my self back together’ over a number of years so I was, once again, a  fully functional human being but subsequently questioned the sanity of ‘believing in/worshiping/trusting’ a creator that could produce such a fuck up. It was not that ‘difficult’ to become broken after all, it was not such extreme behavior that led to my ‘sickness’. I had obsessed, gone into, delved into my mind too deeply is all. Not suggesting that is the proper thing to do, of course it is not, but I thought no wonder so many people are mentally ill!  And so many people sadly kill themselves when hearing voices. So tragic and unecessary. I stopped the voices by simply stopping my mind=I did not listen to thoughts!  The booze helped tremendously ( sober 8 years now) and then belief in a ‘higher power’=spiritualism but mostly I did not listen to my mind and engage in the act of ‘thinking’ and it literally stopped the insanity. This occurred slowly over several years. But then, the question, ‘ what and why had this happened to me?’

I never went the medical-traditional route. They have little understanding of the mind. Thank god I didn’t. I would have been labled schizophrenic and given pills. I understand I self medicated. And I’m sure years of therapy with people who do not know about the mind!  They would try to ‘figure it out’ my mind/the mind.  I would have felt humiliated and ‘less than’. Desteni has make me  realize I am whole now, I need not ‘ascend’ any spiritual steps, I need not listen to or ‘figure out’ my mind.

So when I found the Desteni site I soon discovered they spoke about and explained the mind!  What a huge relief to me to find out I wasn’t crazy and wasn’t broken or I hadn’t crossed some spiritual line that was sacred. I was completely validated in that the mind is a program and everything in existence is in me already. Desteni has shown me that I had accessed -by mistake- thoughts that have been programmed into me and that it is not my ‘fault’ but it is my responsibility to stop the mind as it is not ‘life’ and is in fact what has caused all the fuck ups in this world through participating in thoughts, feelings and emotions. I do not need to be a slave to my ‘personality’ or my pre-programmed life, that is not who I am.

I am life ‘here’ in this moment of breath and I am learning to live this way. It is a process that is challenging but giving my life meaning beyond anything I ever imagined. I am becoming free of what I thought I was slave to: society, religion, being a woman in a man’s world, feeling alone in what I considered an insane world, fear of death, fear of poverty-or more accurately being middle class slave, addiction, fear of standing up/speaking up, fear of life, fear of myself-not being able to trust myself .

I trust myself more and more. Desteni has given me this, invaluable!

Thank you Desteni. I stand with you. I am one vote for an Equal Money System and World Equality!

More appropriately, what is it the end of?

It is more than a prediction and it is an end. But we don’t need to wait until December 21st as changes are happening now. You see it in the changing earth temperatures/climate change. You see it on the news every evening,  as the fall of dictatorships. You see it in the streets as people ‘occupy’ cities all over the world, shouting their outrage at the corporate greed they witness and how they must live with the inequality. You see it in the world markets rising and falling in dramatic swings. You see it in the grocery stores as food prices soar.  You see it in meetings between nations trying with all their might to keep capitalism alive, bailing out one bank or country after another.  You see it in sad stories and dying faces of children, after hearing 100,000 lives could have been saved if the world had heeded the warnings of the organizations that said famine is coming to a certain region.  You see it in the dismal progress of Haiti 2 years after the devastating earth quake.

We as a race-the human race-are so consumed with self interest and greed we cannot fathom changing to an economic system that will be best for all humans, let alone the plant and animal kingdoms. No, we would rather close our eyes and continue blindly on our path of destruction.

We have done it to ourselves!  Nothing needs to be predicted as it has been a steady digression.  It has been each and every one of us, over thousands of years who has existed in an secret place of jealousy, anger, hate, lust, greed who has contributed to this cumulation of destruction known as 2012.   This secret place, the seed that grows into war, rape, murder, starvation and is helpless in the face of disease, the elements/nature, age, poverty is the mind.  I know, I would have never guessed that either.

We cannot ‘fight’ nor can we win what is coming as we have wished for it, welcomed it, asked for it in every thought, every spite, every unforgiving emotion, every time we walk by our brother in need, every time we use the bank (as in are participating in the banking system), everytime we say ‘it’s not my problem’ or ‘I can’t change the world’ we are 2012 and we must face and walk through what we have made/manifested. There is no other way.

Oh, the world governments can delay/put off the inevitable , that many countries face bankruptcy but where does that leave future generations?  In a very bad place indeed, unstability looms and the gap between rich and poor widens. Who will be the elite’s soldiers? Your children, your grandchildren too. Guess what, they don’t give a shit.  As long as their pockets are lined with gold they will sleep well tonight.

2012 is more than a prediction. It is the doom and gloom that is here now.

2012 needs to be the end of mankind’s dependency on the mind to solve it’s problems. How is it working for us now? Sadly, it is not working. It is failing most. So, 2012 is the beginning of the end of the conscious mind systems= the unconscious, subconscious and conscious mind, so we can rebuild our failed socioeconomic systems: the banking system, the education system, the religious system, the government systems the military system, etc.

Let us build -not from separation but from what is best for all-one world family. Let us build equality. Business knows there is strength in numbers-we have billions then-billions of us human beings.

A number of years ago I saw a woman being beat up on the street, I was in my car and I did not have a cell phone. I started shouting out, yelling at him to stop. He shouted back, ‘ Lady, this is none of your business!’  Someone did call the police and I stayed to see them arrive and spoke to the woman and the officers, she did not want to lay charges, sadly, she minimized it…

…2012 is the end of  ‘it’s my right’, ‘it’s my business’, ‘it’s my choice’  to abuse, kill, neglect, steal, hoard, lie, manipulate and rape. The beginning of the end of the sickness of the private mind so we may regain our sanity as a race and rebuild in true peace (not just an agreed upon truce). 2012 is the end of abdicating responsibility because a loving god, the universe, whatever is going to take of everything, its all guided by a loving hand so it’s ok to rape this person in my mind. No, total responsibility in each moment of each breath. It is the end of another fellow human being as your slave. Clean your own  toilet!  No one or thing is going to clean up the mess.  You are the ‘god’ that will have to restore the earth.

It is the birth of true humanity in an Equal Money System.  Or it is the end of humanity. You decide.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that magic-quantum time is possible. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I could handle reality in quantum time (instant manifestation of a thought or the spoken word). I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an energetic reaction of fear when I think of actually being responsible for quantum time, lol I’d have the whole world gone a ‘poof’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as and within continual timeloops as time as energy, going in circular within life as I exist in and as the mind, never slowing down enough to be a real creator of my world/reality but running in circles, no matter if I do things ‘differently’, with always the same outcome.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continually add more and more knowledge and information in and as my mind and not consider it is how I use this information-move and effect an outcome with and as it- (not whether I understand it) that is key to not ending up back at the beginning, over and over to infinity, so not really expanding, becoming, creating myself beyond what /who I am now .

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by fear 1000 times a day as I think, ‘damn, I’m getting older, I look older, I am tired because I’m older, I’m gaining weight because I’m older now, my hair is more grey, my knee hurts because of my age as older, I shouldn’t do x because I am older now, the women at the school are younger, they look better, I’ll move to a smaller house with no mortgage because I’m getting older, …… ( Note: these thoughts are layered…but they are they, it is indeed extensive!) so forever being enslaved/trapped in my mind in a story, sequence of pre-programmed events of a ‘lifetime’ and never being /experiencing/creating LIFE as me , who I am ‘here’ in each breath, as one and equal to all that exist!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as a picture in a picture world and myself as a story in a timeline, as a seed with the timeline rolled up within it (taken from a Desteni vlog, lol, fascinating) and as the timeline unravels and the seed grows, it indeed has an end, and I as the story, end… who made that nasty bit up?!  Lol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the patterns my mind has trapped me into,  closed patterns, as in a circle, not really learning/growing/evolving but compromising myself more and more, letting ‘things beyond my control’ go because I am powerless, and after all people don’t like/won’t like me ‘if I’m like that ‘ as in difficult to be around because I question the way human beings exist on this planet–because I am getting older and only have so much time, and apparently ‘energy’ so I get tired more, so ‘let the young ones change the world’ too late for me’ and I abdicate my responsibility for the state of this world as a protector/stuart of this world because of a goddamn story line/timeline to which I am bound and ‘helpless’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself be duped by my ego and directed by fear of loss, believing in my ‘personality’, thinking, ‘I don’t want them not to like me, I’ll be lonely, unhappy, desolate, friendless and perhaps I will need them and I may become poor and homeless and OMG I NEED them, I’ll shut up.’ and so not speak up about the atrocities I see in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that time-quantum time or earth/space time-is all energy and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, ‘I cannot live without energy, I am energy, I am light’ regulating the movement of and as knowledge and information / the unfolding of events in space/time within vibration=energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of sitting on my Mom’s knee with my sister beside me bring up the thought, ” My Mom is nice, I feel safe with her as she was quite consistent in her behavior toward me and my siblings, she was a kind parent.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of sitting beside my Mom, on a christmas eve, reading ‘the night before christmas’ as we did each year bringing up the thought, ‘I felt safe and warm and comforted by this ritual with my Mom, she made christmas ‘special’ and fun, I felt/feel loved by her.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of my Mom in a classroom full of young girls where she was the teacher of an after school class, bringing up the thought, ‘All the girl, and my friends, like my Mom and think I am ‘lucky’ to have such a nice Mom. I am proud of her as she is the teacher of a ‘fun’ class, not ‘real’ school. They are right, she is a ‘good’ parent. I feel ‘happy’ and secure with her.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of my parents before one of their parties, my Mom putting on make-up as I watched in the bathroom bringing up the thought, ‘She looks so pretty in her beautiful, sparkly dress that she made, I will put on make-up when I am older and look pretty too.’ and ‘I am happy that my Dad is happy and silly dancing around before his friends get here. He is always in a good mood before a party. I feel happy because I am safe with him now, he is not mean and drunk and picking on me or my bothers and sister.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of being at the cottage in the winter, my Dad unpacking the car after shoveling his way into the cottage and my Mom unpacking boxes in that are on the kitchen table, the sound of my Dad pouring  the coal into the little stove as it slowly heats up the little charming cottage on a freezing cold Ontario winter night bringing up the thought, ‘It’s fun at the cottage. I feel safe with my Dad as he is not drunk and in a ‘good’ mood because it is christmas holidays. He loves the cottage and is happy when we come here. I love playing with my dog and cat and cousins at the cottage. We play ‘spoons’ and laugh alot as the adult play bridge in the other cottage. We go skiing and tobogganing and ski-doing,  make snow forts, eat icicles, have snowball fights and it is so fun. I am safe/safer here at the cottage than at home.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of lying in bed at the cottage being cold, in the middle of the night and  hearing that familiar sound of my Dad pouring in the coal into the stove and then jumping into bed with my parents, in between them and being warm and cozy bringing up the thought, ‘My Mom and Dad keep me warm, I feel safe my Mom is here, I can sleep now.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of my parents good friends at the cottage, drinking and laughing and having a good time with each other and all the kids, playing games, roasting a pig, singing at the bonfire, drinking, being down at the dock in their bathing suits, swimming, going for a boat ride, sailing, bbq-ing, helping my Dad, bringing up the thought, ‘I like my parents friends, they have fun, they like to drink, they have fun when they drink, it is a part of the day and makes it more fun, they are nice to me and silly and laugh alot, I like to play with their children, it is good and safe here at the cottage, my parents a re happy when they are with their friends, this is what adults do and it is good, my Dad is happy and nice when his friends are here, I feel more safe when his friends are here.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of being at L and P’s cottage with the kids at their beach and we are swimming and sea-doing and decided to be innocent like the kids and be nudists for the week, bringing up the thought, ‘I was so ‘happy’ at their cottage, so free and felt so safe, they ‘think’ the same way I do and we explored so many topics of how to be effective parents and human beings and laughed and read and relaxed and ate well and exercised. I wish I could live like that always. They were good friends. They are wealthy and that is what wealth in this world offers, the time and ability to express oneself in self honesty. I wish I could do that everyday and everyone could. It is sad I no longer see them.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of being at the ‘chalet’, when I was married to my children’s father, with his family bring up the thought, ‘It was so relaxing and I felt so safe being with C’s family. They have a lot of money and I felt safe knowing I would ‘inherit’ this money and this lifestyle. I miss the community of this family unit and the fun playing games, skiing, drinking, laughing, eating expensive food, being in opulent surroundings.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of my Mom ‘tucking’ me in each night when I was a young girl saying, ‘Night, night, don’t let the bed bugs bite’, bringing up the thought, ‘I love/respect my Mom. I always felt ‘loved’ and cared for and safe each night she tucked me in with these words and a kiss. I am glad I repeated this ‘tradition (not the phrase) and spent time at my children’s bedtime to read them a story,  talk to them, cuddle and tuck them in, even if I was drinking.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of myself as a little girl saying my nightly prayers in my little bed in my little room feeling safe and cozy and thanking ‘god’ that everyone was safe and everything was ‘ok’, bring up the thought, ‘I wish life was that simple and innocent now.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of being in the car with my parents and siblings driving in a neighborhood that had smaller houses (probably in the city, I grew up in the suburbs) and thinking, ‘I don’t like these little, old houses, they are ugly. I am lucky and safe my family has money and it is good because we have a big, pretty house and no problems, money is good and important. I don’t like apartments. I feel sorry for families who have no money and have to live in an ugly apartment. My dad is a doctor (chiropractor) and it is good because he makes a lot of money and we don’t have to live like that.’ Note: very naive ‘thoughts’, I understand that now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of my father in his office (I worked there a few summers/holidays) and thinking, “My dad is a good chiropractor, he is kind and generous to people who can’t afford his service. His patients love him, I love him for that.  He is ‘happy/content’ in his work place, it is important to like your job like he does. I like being here, it is productive and a warm atmosphere. He makes a lot of money quite easily, that is a very good thing for our family. I am glad he gives to charity so it is ok our family has everything and more.’ Note: total self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of our family driving/walking to church Sunday mornings, hearing my Dad sing the hymns, he often exaggerated his voice to be ‘funny’, and thinking, ‘Church is boring but my Dad is ‘happy’ here so I’ll be quiet and not complain like my brothers and sister. He is fun and light hearted here and comforted because my grandpa was a minister and it brings back memories of his childhood seeing/hearing his Dad at the front of the church. I like my grandparents. I don’t get church, oh well.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of christmases up north with my grandparents and cousins in my grandparents tiny home or at the Inn we would gather for a dinner and thinking, ‘That was so much fun seeing everyone and receiving gifts, sleeping over at my cousins and having home made egg nog sunday morning before going to church where my grandfather would often be the minister. I like all these people and feel safe with them. The adults don’t drink in front of my grandparents because my grandmother thinks alcohol is of the devil, that is so funny and all the kids laugh about it and we laugh at all her ‘old fashion’ ideas and it is snowy and there are pretty christmas lights everywhere and school is out soon for two weeks. I like my life. I like it that my dad does not drink here. He is nice when he doesn’t drink. I feel safe when he doesn’t drink. Everyone likes him when he doesn’t drink. I wish he would never drink.’

Why do we produce weapons? Because of a perception of ‘not enough’ to ‘go around’ because of the perception of ‘ownership’,  thereby the need to ‘defend’ what one has purchased, brought about by the money system. Supply and demand is controlled by the government and corporations to facilitate competition and profit, to control prices and control the ‘market’ which is you, the consumer . If we all had what we needed there would be nothing to ‘protect’ in the form of ownership, no ‘lack’ mentality, no fear for survival and  no competition. There would be no lack and therefore no need to be suspicious of each other.

The reason why there is so much manipulation and mistrust between nations is the need for survival and we use resources , technology and agriculture to trade through the exchange of  money. The current starting point is not what is best for all or coming from a place of ‘one world’ ‘one race=earthling’ but of separation through ‘differences’ in race, religion, geography, class, physical appearance. This needs to change-the starting point needs to change!

When we consider each life equally it will be natural to examine the consequences of the mass production of weapons.  Whether it is a hand gun, a muti-million dollar jet or a nuclear bomb, it is clear the intention to human life is to harm and the cost incalculable.

A hand gun could be considered to be for ‘protection’ ,yes but why do you need protection? Most likely because you fear the theft of your property or money and this is because of the ‘haves’ and the ‘have nots’.  Many people resort to stealing as a last resort to get money for necessities, drugs (addiction) and some through greed.  Theft cannot be tolerated but when one has everything they need it will be reduced to almost nil.

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According to an article from Global Zero.org, world spending on nuclear weapons will surpass $1 Trillion dollars per decade. That’s  $1,000,000,000.00  every 10 years. Taken from the same article:

Building upon the two definitive studies of U.S. nuclear weapons spending (Brookings Institution’s Atomic Audit: The Costs and Consequences of U.S. Nuclear Weapons Since 1940 and Carnegie Endowment for International Peace’s Nuclear Security Spending: Assessing Costs, Examining Priorities), this report casts a wider net to capture the entire world’s spending on nuclear weapons programs. The principal finding: a massive expenditure will be made over the next decade.

Chart 1: Total Military and Nuclear Weapons Spending 2010-2011  Note: figures in billions of US dollars

Source: Arms Control Association

Stop the madness, feed your brothers and sisters, house them, hold them as your own. Are we blind, have we no hearts, just bullshit at Christmas?  What would Jesus do?  Love they neighbour as theyself.  Who is going to stop the insanity of this dangerous waste of resources, money, time, ‘brain’ power, manpower and life itself– IF NOT YOU?  No one. I wish it was not true. Please investigate EqualMoney.Org.   Join Us to build a world in oneness and equality for all!