Posts Tagged ‘bailout’

Well, it’s pretty rad, it actually means no Coach purses OR in time Coach purses for all!  Lol, I say this because I received a flyer in the mail today advertising the latest coach purse. I recall about 18 years ago a very wealthy friend defending her purchase of a $1000.oo coach purse (her therapist had told her to get over her guilt that she was ‘privileged’ and start enjoying life without the burden of guilt-and she has ever since, lol). I was dirt poor at the time but I was suppose to be ‘big’ enough for this financial gap not to bother me, nothin a few drinks couldn’t fix. So, 18 years ago they were making one thousand dollar coach purses, hence the reason I did not bother investigating this flyer further.

My point is, everyone wants quality, coach is a very high quality product so why wouldn’t anyone want a useful, practical product? To live absolute is to supply this for all who have a need for it firstly, then for all who just want one for pleasure. To live absolute would be to delete the brand name, as privately owned for profit company, as why would there be a ‘company’ label on the product, no need because no company.

Certain individuals would make this needed product, from a best for all starting point, so that the product would last ie. 50 years and the product is priced so it is attainable to all who need/want it.  Living absolute would mean the factory workers, who make the purse would be paid an equal wage as all inhabitant of this earth so they have no need to ‘fight’ for higher wages.  They would also live free of a mortgage, rent, utility bills as all necessities would be provided for freely.

Living absolute would mean the factory workers, managers, sales staff, cleaning staff, office staff, etc. would all have equal ‘ownership’ in the purse factory because there would be no ownership! Ownership not required , never was, just one of the many purposefully, confusing economic ‘realities’ of capitalism based on this well documented theory: if you throw enough shit at a wall, some of it will stick.

Can you see the beauty in living absolute?  Less fear results in less illness, results in increased cooperation, results in increased production… Let’s let the snowball of ‘best for all’ roll for awhile.  Another capitalistic lie, there is not enough to go around.

Living absolute mean no separation. So if you are me and I am you, we won’t bother about trying to manipulate

each other by suggesting my purse is better that yours or  I deserve mine and you don’t.  I won’t talk nasty about your purse behind your back because that would be me, using my mind based on  opinions and judgements. Where did I get that opinion? From my mind as a past experience, from what my parents or government told me, or from my mind as learned polarities of good/bad, better/less than, inferior/superior.  To live absolute means to shut down the mind as who and what you are and to live within/from a starting point of always asking ‘what is best for ALL?’ within each and every situation imaginable.’

Is that drastic, severe? Not to me, to me it is drastic to kidnap/hold captive  and repeatedly rape a 4 year old girl, take naked photos of her and videos so other men can jerk off. To me it is severe to starve an innocent little baby for a whole year before it dies, so it only knew suffering and agony for it’s entire ‘life’, when it was totally avoidable/not necessary BUT WE DID NOTHING.

To live absolute means no separation, you are indeed one and equal with all that exists here; humans, animals and the plant kingdom. So your father is my father, there are no separate families or government philosophies, afterall, we are the family of human kind (I use this term with some trepidation).

Why would I judge your purse (as old, unworthy, inferior, better than mine) when I could, just as easily, get one the same or a style that I prefer, if I want/need.  Everything I am saying here would be applied with and within common sense. No one would be allowed 100 coach purses as this would indicate some form of mental confusion and indicate ‘fear’ of lack (using ones mind), that results in the unwarranted act of hoarding.  This would be viewed for what it is , a mental problem that requires correction/assistance.

It may seems silly to use Coach purses as an example of what it means to live absolute but seems just as silly  as any other example to me.  Afterall, coach purses for all, truly would be heaven on earth darling!

It will be interesting to see how human beings treat each other in the probable event that the world’s financial markets do indeed, collapse.  Will they panic and pick up weapons to defend what little they have left?  Will they band together to help their neighbor? There will be much fear and chaos, that is for sure. What would I do?  What does it mean?

I don’t know all it means but I’m going to guess it would mean most-if not all-who have money invested in the stock market or bonds etc. will lose their money, the value of your home would diminish to the point of loss (you owe more than it is worth),  you lose your job, pensions would be lost.  The elite will try to control the many by insisting the world can be re-built on capitalism again but the people will have lost ‘hope’. Good, we will live without it.

So to ‘survive’ this financial collapse will not be a matter of keeping the ‘assets’ and money you have or ‘getting back’ what you have lost. To survive this you must let go of your ideas about assets/property ownership/social classes/hierarchy/ special or privileged groups of people on this planet. We will have to finally (after being forced by losing everything) embrace what Jesus said, ‘Love thy neighbor as thyself’ or vanish as a race by ensuing panic leading to war/famine/disease from our food and water.

To survive this financial collapse will take great courage and honestly, self-honesty.   Each person will have to face himself/herself self honestly, looking at where the current financial system of the world, capitalism, led us and if we really want to create that again and why.

I heard an analogy the other day, that the world was like a big monopoly board and we’re just playing ‘life’ as game.  The winners are clear now, the elite, so ok you won, you’ve got all the property, resources, toys and vacations, all the pleasure, all the pie. The rest of of lost, ok. Lets stop this game and wipe the board clean. We’ll have a break and write some new rules. This time we’ll change the rules.

I would suggest, do not vacate your home or apartment because the banks tell you to. I would not leave unless they picked me up and carried me out. I would have no where, like many, to go. I will stock pile some food, lots of water, matches, batteries and other of the typical survival kit necessities. Will it be used, who knows?

But…most importantly, I will work toward re-building a new system, a new world, which will be based on best for all principals and not who can ‘win’ at the game of life here on earth. I don’t care who can win and I will not accept and allow  a new, ‘improved’ capitalistic system to emerge from the wreckage of a financial collapse. The new world will be based on equality, in fact and not based on charity. All will live as one and equal in harmony with all life, as in nature and the animals. Separation will reign no more, there will be stillness of mind and a real/true peace on earth. Heaven on earth.

Who the hell am I to make such preposterous statements? I am one being here, who is standing up and saying ‘no more’. I am standing up with a group of people at Desteni.Org and we are proposing an Equal Money System for our planet so greed never rules as our god , ever again. If some of this rings true for you, please investigate EqualMoney.Org and join us!

More appropriately, what is it the end of?

It is more than a prediction and it is an end. But we don’t need to wait until December 21st as changes are happening now. You see it in the changing earth temperatures/climate change. You see it on the news every evening,  as the fall of dictatorships. You see it in the streets as people ‘occupy’ cities all over the world, shouting their outrage at the corporate greed they witness and how they must live with the inequality. You see it in the world markets rising and falling in dramatic swings. You see it in the grocery stores as food prices soar.  You see it in meetings between nations trying with all their might to keep capitalism alive, bailing out one bank or country after another.  You see it in sad stories and dying faces of children, after hearing 100,000 lives could have been saved if the world had heeded the warnings of the organizations that said famine is coming to a certain region.  You see it in the dismal progress of Haiti 2 years after the devastating earth quake.

We as a race-the human race-are so consumed with self interest and greed we cannot fathom changing to an economic system that will be best for all humans, let alone the plant and animal kingdoms. No, we would rather close our eyes and continue blindly on our path of destruction.

We have done it to ourselves!  Nothing needs to be predicted as it has been a steady digression.  It has been each and every one of us, over thousands of years who has existed in an secret place of jealousy, anger, hate, lust, greed who has contributed to this cumulation of destruction known as 2012.   This secret place, the seed that grows into war, rape, murder, starvation and is helpless in the face of disease, the elements/nature, age, poverty is the mind.  I know, I would have never guessed that either.

We cannot ‘fight’ nor can we win what is coming as we have wished for it, welcomed it, asked for it in every thought, every spite, every unforgiving emotion, every time we walk by our brother in need, every time we use the bank (as in are participating in the banking system), everytime we say ‘it’s not my problem’ or ‘I can’t change the world’ we are 2012 and we must face and walk through what we have made/manifested. There is no other way.

Oh, the world governments can delay/put off the inevitable , that many countries face bankruptcy but where does that leave future generations?  In a very bad place indeed, unstability looms and the gap between rich and poor widens. Who will be the elite’s soldiers? Your children, your grandchildren too. Guess what, they don’t give a shit.  As long as their pockets are lined with gold they will sleep well tonight.

2012 is more than a prediction. It is the doom and gloom that is here now.

2012 needs to be the end of mankind’s dependency on the mind to solve it’s problems. How is it working for us now? Sadly, it is not working. It is failing most. So, 2012 is the beginning of the end of the conscious mind systems= the unconscious, subconscious and conscious mind, so we can rebuild our failed socioeconomic systems: the banking system, the education system, the religious system, the government systems the military system, etc.

Let us build -not from separation but from what is best for all-one world family. Let us build equality. Business knows there is strength in numbers-we have billions then-billions of us human beings.

A number of years ago I saw a woman being beat up on the street, I was in my car and I did not have a cell phone. I started shouting out, yelling at him to stop. He shouted back, ‘ Lady, this is none of your business!’  Someone did call the police and I stayed to see them arrive and spoke to the woman and the officers, she did not want to lay charges, sadly, she minimized it…

…2012 is the end of  ‘it’s my right’, ‘it’s my business’, ‘it’s my choice’  to abuse, kill, neglect, steal, hoard, lie, manipulate and rape. The beginning of the end of the sickness of the private mind so we may regain our sanity as a race and rebuild in true peace (not just an agreed upon truce). 2012 is the end of abdicating responsibility because a loving god, the universe, whatever is going to take of everything, its all guided by a loving hand so it’s ok to rape this person in my mind. No, total responsibility in each moment of each breath. It is the end of another fellow human being as your slave. Clean your own  toilet!  No one or thing is going to clean up the mess.  You are the ‘god’ that will have to restore the earth.

It is the birth of true humanity in an Equal Money System.  Or it is the end of humanity. You decide.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the system of karma, as consequence, exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have karma exist within and as me manifesting as knee pain/problems in my left knee and somewhat in my right knee as carrying the past of relationships with boyfriends and my ex-husband. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to have karma exist within and as me manifesting as knee pain/problems in my left knee and somewhat in my right knee as carrying the past of relationships with family members and friends, employers, acquaintances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to believe that karma exists and I must manifest consequence within my world as my ‘experiences’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I must face my karma at the point of death, as in spiritual ascension-to ‘go to the next level of enlightenment’- instead of facing  the consequence of my actions responsibly ‘here’ in each moment, which is common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can achieve some certain ‘vibration’ level so that I magically do not have to face my karma self honestly, in each ‘moment’ ‘here’ on earth, in a responsible way that is best for all life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not face myself in self honestly and face my fears as to why I ‘hide’ and not ‘look’ at what I have created in the moment as karma as consequence in each moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want a savior/magic/god/master/husband/boss to do the dirty work for me, ‘fix’ me, so that I do not have to face myself, in self honesty, face my fears head on without hiding/in full view, face my karma all alone, so it is ‘easy’ and I can continue hiding, resulting in me forever being subject to a master/slave relationship, bound in dependency and so not living self honestly as one and equal to all other human beings and existence in it’s entirety.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and to believe I am too tired, frightened, weak, small, stupid, old to face my karma by myself and to eliminate this system in each moment ‘here’, as I birth myself as life in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and to believe I am ‘special’, important, different, deserving, more ‘enlightened’ than others, divine, because of acquired knowledge and information ,when in self honesty I am only lost in ‘delusions of grandeur’ believing I am now no longer subject to ‘The Law of Karma’ in each moment of creation as life ‘here’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by fear for my children and husband thinking , ‘I need to ‘save’ them because they do not know about living in self honestly ‘here’ in each moment with breath and must face their consequence as karma and manifest that consequence’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by fear in not trusting my process and trusting that I am a living example to my children and husband and ‘telling’ them /badgering them about the Desteni I Process only pushes them away. Instead I accept and allow myself to be patient with my  process of self realization and self awareness and through ‘standing’ in each moment in self honesty, be a living example to all human beings, in equality and not in separation as in ‘specialness’ of family system existent on earth at this time.

The Money System:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deliberately deceive human beings into believing money, as in paper ‘bills’ is real. Or any substance given a ‘dollar value’ for that matter, as in an asset-home, gold, silver, commodity, stock, etc. is real. They do not see numbers have been assigned to these object, numbers that are in fact not required for distribution, cooperation and use.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be the system that lies to human beings so they believe the stock market is real and ‘follow’ it as if it is alive, life, believing in it’s ‘indicators’ as it goes up and down, a game, the rich always win. Lol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive human beings into believing money has value above life itself. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be the very manifestation that caused one man to kill another, in my name, to possess me in order to live ‘better’ with ease and comfort, in self interest not caring if another suffers without me, in the lap of ‘luxury’ if only ‘you know my name’. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enslave all human beings, animals, nature and mother earth herself to be controlled by me so that nothing and no one is free from my grip.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to obsess human beings minds to the extent that, almost each and every waking moment, humans thinks about getting more of me, ‘owning’ more of me, employment, unemployment, selling harmful substances to another to get more of me, selling their body to strangers just to have me, selling children as slaves, selling their own flesh and blood children as slaves, prostituting children for me, taking photos and videos of harming children and having sex with them, kidnapping and filming the murder of children for me, ME, murder, robbing another, lying and scamming another to steal their money, taking a huge salary ’cause they ‘can’ even though they know others will suffer, saving me, hoarding me, not sharing when they have alot of me for fear of the day when they will ‘need’ me,  fighting over me, making rude and incessant phone calls to collect me, leaving someone they love over me, gambling/risking their life, health, home to get me ‘easily/quickly’ even if it means their children won’t eat or have a roof over their heads tonight, believing you can ‘never be too rich’, they always want and need more, all of the humans want more.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become so important and life giving that human beings don’t even have a chance, they can only survive, they do not live, just a few of the ‘lucky’ rich ones. Yes, I give human beings time to enjoy, be creative, explore their world, relax, enjoy sex, great food, beautiful surroundings, no stress. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be the very manifestation that is so powerful in people’s belief that I AM LIFE. Without me , you are doomed, dead.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be so consuming that they attack viciously any attempt to bring common sense into a discussion to solve the world’s problems, lol, human’s think it is impossible.   I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be the very ‘root’ of the human belief, ‘it is impossible to change the world, to solve the world’s problems’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become so ‘complicated’ as in the world stock markets of gold, silver, commodities, stocks, bonds, the world banking system and game of bailing out the banks and countries and multi-national companies that human beings do not know they are being completely ‘duped’ and they do not understand how they give their power away to me and the few elite-super rich of this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself for causing great fear and immobility and fuckedness within the human beings consciousness systems to the tragic extent they have forgotten the truth of themselves, will not hear/listen to the truth, they have become one with me instead of one with life. They do not care that their brother suffers as long as they can protect their own ass with me so they do not see I am make-believe=in truth, it costs nothing to live here on earth, it requires only cooperation, distribution of resources, trust in one another.

Instead they trust me. Lol.  I am The Money System.

Investigate EqualMoney.Org

Why do we produce weapons? Because of a perception of ‘not enough’ to ‘go around’ because of the perception of ‘ownership’,  thereby the need to ‘defend’ what one has purchased, brought about by the money system. Supply and demand is controlled by the government and corporations to facilitate competition and profit, to control prices and control the ‘market’ which is you, the consumer . If we all had what we needed there would be nothing to ‘protect’ in the form of ownership, no ‘lack’ mentality, no fear for survival and  no competition. There would be no lack and therefore no need to be suspicious of each other.

The reason why there is so much manipulation and mistrust between nations is the need for survival and we use resources , technology and agriculture to trade through the exchange of  money. The current starting point is not what is best for all or coming from a place of ‘one world’ ‘one race=earthling’ but of separation through ‘differences’ in race, religion, geography, class, physical appearance. This needs to change-the starting point needs to change!

When we consider each life equally it will be natural to examine the consequences of the mass production of weapons.  Whether it is a hand gun, a muti-million dollar jet or a nuclear bomb, it is clear the intention to human life is to harm and the cost incalculable.

A hand gun could be considered to be for ‘protection’ ,yes but why do you need protection? Most likely because you fear the theft of your property or money and this is because of the ‘haves’ and the ‘have nots’.  Many people resort to stealing as a last resort to get money for necessities, drugs (addiction) and some through greed.  Theft cannot be tolerated but when one has everything they need it will be reduced to almost nil.

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According to an article from Global Zero.org, world spending on nuclear weapons will surpass $1 Trillion dollars per decade. That’s  $1,000,000,000.00  every 10 years. Taken from the same article:

Building upon the two definitive studies of U.S. nuclear weapons spending (Brookings Institution’s Atomic Audit: The Costs and Consequences of U.S. Nuclear Weapons Since 1940 and Carnegie Endowment for International Peace’s Nuclear Security Spending: Assessing Costs, Examining Priorities), this report casts a wider net to capture the entire world’s spending on nuclear weapons programs. The principal finding: a massive expenditure will be made over the next decade.

Chart 1: Total Military and Nuclear Weapons Spending 2010-2011  Note: figures in billions of US dollars

Source: Arms Control Association

Stop the madness, feed your brothers and sisters, house them, hold them as your own. Are we blind, have we no hearts, just bullshit at Christmas?  What would Jesus do?  Love they neighbour as theyself.  Who is going to stop the insanity of this dangerous waste of resources, money, time, ‘brain’ power, manpower and life itself– IF NOT YOU?  No one. I wish it was not true. Please investigate EqualMoney.Org.   Join Us to build a world in oneness and equality for all!

No, in an equal money system there will not be cash that is printed. There will not be  trade as you think of it now, I give physical money and you give me a cell phone or laptop.  There will be no concern, nor exist, profit and loss as that was part of the abuse and deception that exist in this current system. Indeed, there will be no `value` placed on anything: people, animals, plants, products as the value is life-equally- and is not questioned. All that exist here on earth requires no beliefs ideas attached to it, that can be manipulated and twisted with giving a certain `value`as this is what has caused extensive suffering and abuse here. This has to end. No one has to `work at a job` or earn money` to receive all they need. The value of you as life is intrinsic, it needs no defense or justification as all deserve to have a life where they are free to explore and express themselves, not just some.

There will a system of logistics on a computerized card, similar to your credit or bank card now, that keeps track of all you have been given, which will be all you require to live a healthy, dignified existance.  This is a system of accountability so for example if you have a computer or cell phone the system would have a record of this so no one abuses and takes more than they need.

Products will be made to last, everyone will have the best quality as nothing less will be tolerated to be manufactured, grown, etc. Of course replacement and repair would be provided as needed, common sense.

We will live as equals so I would not work at making a laptop or tablet that was not of the quality I would want for myself and my family. I would not take more than I realistically need because I have no need to hoard or fear lack in the future as there will not be a `cost`as in dollar amount I need to come up with for this product or service.  There could be a situation where one does require more than one laptop or cell phone for their family, area where they `create`say manufacture a product. So, in common sense this would be provided.

To ensure no abuse is taking place there would be , as there is now, a system to check, investigate, report.

not censored.

My first boyfriend, TM, was a ‘nice’ guy. He was somewhat meek, short, fair skin and hair and quiet. I was attraced to him because he was very talented in the high school musicals and he was ‘cute’. He was also kind and considerate and honest, qualities I apparently did not value again for some time.   We did not enjoy ‘hot sex’. It was my first sexual experience and it meant little to me. We stayed together for the high school years only because I was not self honest enough to tell him I was not happy in the relationship any longer.  He was very dependant, a homebody, and seemed afraid of life. When I did ‘break up’ with him he took it hard, we were probably all of 18 years old. He told me he considered killing himself and acted strangely with me even years later. There was a painful meeting 6 months after the breakup, he hoped I would have ‘come to my senses’ but I had moved on to the next ‘love of my life’ . Note: I am not aware of the thought patterns to a great extent as they are, for me, more ‘backchat’ (explained in previous blog). So I am somewhat ‘guessing’. I will be studying by ‘backchat’ in the second year of my course with Desteni!

Thought pattern: Poor TM, he’s such a loser, it’s so sad, I feel terrible but I just didn’t love him, I hated sex with him, no way it would have worked, I hope I never see him again, oh God, that would be awful ,I hope he’s happy, it was so awful hurting him, poor guy, he didn’t have a supportive, strong family, it’s ridiculous how much importance he put on our relationship, it was wrong of him to make me feel sooooo guilty. Oh well, the whole relationship went on too long, it was just wrong.

Thought:  Oh poor TM. God, I hope I never bump into him. It was wrong of him to guilt me out like that.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think , ‘Oh poor TM. God, I hope I never bump into him. It was wrong of him to guilt me out like that.’ I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be in a relationship based on deception. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by fear and guilt  at the thought, ‘Oh poor TM. God I hope I never bump into him. It was wrong of him to guilt me out like that.’ I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the words: high school, Lorne Park, White Oaks Park, boyfriend, first, virgin, oral sex, swimming pool,and ‘The Flintstones’, to the thought, ‘ Oh poor TM. God I hope I never bump into him. It was wrong of him to guilt me out like that.’ Whenever I go into an energetic reaction of guilt at the thought, ‘Oh poor TM. God I hope I never bump into him. It was wrong of him to guilt me out like that’, I stop, I breathe. I realize I am not responsible to ‘take care of / protect’ in a caretaker role or savior role another adult in this world.  I no longer accept and allow myself to participate in thoughts and emotions of guilt in my mind that can harm me or others instead I bring myself back to ‘here’, to the physical and remind myself all that is real is this moment. I remind myself, should I meet this person again, I will treat him with the respect and dignity I would want to to treated, as we are one and equal.

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My next boyfriend, in University, I will call KP.  He was the opposite of TM as he was tall,dark and handsome, loud, a heavy drinker/other substances, a womanizer, witty, sexy, loved to be out in bars and party. He was also full of hate and this came out more and more. He liked to ‘tease’=criticize me and humiliate me often, when we were alone and in front of others. He was dishonest and unfaithful throughout the relationship. I liked him because he was sexy and smart and looked like a ‘man’ not a boy. I see now my relationships have been largely based on outer/superficial qualities. It has all been based in self-interest, KP kept me busy by entertaining me with fun sex, an active social life, interesting discussions and readings-knowledge and information (he was a journalism student), and second guessing myself.

Thought Pattern: I hate KP, he ‘hurt’ me. He’s a liar and a cheat. He was starting to lose his looks, I bet he doesn’t look so handsome now. Probably overweight and an alcoholic. I bet he cheats on his wife or is divorced. I heard he ‘moved up’ in the world and bought a house in the neighborhood I grew up in and asked someone how I was, pretending like he treated me well. He’s a disgusting ‘pig’, a Nazi full of hate and thinks it’s funny to believe lies, a complete asshole. I hope I never see him again then I won’t have be polite and a hypocrite.

Thought: I hate KP, he hurt me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, ‘I hate KP, he hurt me.’ I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by emotions of anger,fear, humiliation, and hate at the thought, ‘I hate KP, he hurt me.’ I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the words Lorne Park, Ryerson, journalism, Oakville, university, party, basement, sex, boyfriend, Dun and Bradstreet, Hawaii, pot, cottage, newpaper, couch, unfaithful, liar, cheat, torture to the thought, ‘ I hate KP, he hurt me.’

Whenever I have the thought, ‘I hate KP, he hurt me’, I stop, I breathe. I realize it was a long time ago I went out with him and I do not know him now. I realize the past can only hurt me if I allow it to with thoughts and emotions. I realize I am in a ‘healthy’ ‘happy’ marriage now and I do not have to fear the past. I realize, if I have these emotions of anger and hate, they come from me and I cannot blame another.  I realize I am responsible for ‘going out with’ this person for 4 years and I was unconsciously trying to re-live the relationship with my father to ‘heal’ it. I no longer accept and allow myself to be possessed by emotions of hate and anger that arise when I think of KP. Instead I bring myself out of my mind and back to the physical, to ‘here’ in each moment of each breath. I remind myself that ‘here’ is all that is real in my world and I am safe and responsible for my state of being and I get on with my day.

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The next boyfriend I had became my husband. I will call him BD. Our relationship lasted 13 years, including our marriage of 9 years. We had 2 children so although our relationship changed when we separated , it is still ongoing even today. I thought, compared to KP, he was a ‘walk in the park’. I don’t think he ever wanted to get married (maybe at the beginning of our relationship) but I insisted. In many ways he was like my father, he could be ‘nice’ one minute and then quite cruel the next. He was a heavy drinker and liked to stay out late in bars. He lied and cheated (my father did not ‘cheat’ on my Mom as far as I know) and  tortured me as he would insist I was just ‘crazy’ ‘insecure’ ‘jealous’ when I would ask why he came home at 3a.m.  During our relationship he had extreme highs and lows and was often out of work. When he left, for the second time, our children were just 2 and 4 years old and I was penniless.

Thought Pattern: I hate BD, he’s a fucking asshole. If it wasn’t for the kids I would tell him to fuck off. Well, he did pay child support and can be quite kind. I shouldn’t be so bitter. He and his family are evil, they said they ‘loved me’ and then abandoned me. They are rich and I have nothing and made me sign an agreement stating I could never ‘go after’ their precious money. That’s cruel. They throw their money at my children paying for a life style I cannot compete with/keep up like members at an exclusive ski resort, expensive summer camp, a car, university away from home, expensive clothes at christmas. They use their money=power to control my children’s lives and it works. They only helped me a little when I humiliated myself by asking for a loan now and then. I hate them, may they burn in hell. They deserve that! Oh, that’s terrible. I shouldn’t think like that. No one deserves that. There were good times and kindness over the years, I’m awful! They have been generous to my children and love them. It’s just me they through in the garbage , not the kids.

Thought: I hate BD and his family. They love their fucking money more than people in this world. I hate the power/control they have over my children because they are wealthy. Bunch of phonies.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, ‘ I hate BD and his family. They love their fucking money more than people in this world. I hate the power/control they have over my children because they are wealthy. Bunch of phonies.’ I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the emotions of anger, resentment, fear, hate, humiliation, shame, jealousy and guilt and to go into an energetic reaction within my human physical body which can harm me when I think, ‘  I hate BD and his family. They love their fucking money more than people in this world. I hate the power/control they have over my children because of their wealth. Bunch of phonies.’ I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the words: ski, chalet, Markdale, cottage, summer, travel, wealthy, lifestyle, rich, greedy, Lorne Park, high school, parents, in-laws, children, divorce, family, debt, marriage to the thought,  ‘I hate BD and his family. They love their fucking money more than people in this world. I hate the power/control they have over my children because they are wealthy. Bunch of phonies.’

Whenever I go into an energetic reaction of anger, hate, humiliation, shame, jealousy, resentment and guilt at the thought, ‘  I hate BD and his family. They love their fucking money more than people in this world. I hate the power/control they have over my children because they are wealthy. Bunch of phonies’ I stop, I breathe. I realize I am safe and no longer a victim as I live ‘here’ in the moment with breath.  I no longer accept and allow myself to exist as past memories inside my head that can harm me. I realize I am not more innocent or guilty than BD and his family, that we are , in fact one and equal together here, on earth. Instead I remind myself to stay outside of my mind and bring myself back ‘here’ and continue with the situation at hand, not allowing the past to interfere or be repeated as a timeloop.

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The next boyfriend I had, after my marriage ended, was with CL. Or, as he liked to remind me, it was not a relationship, I was his ‘booty call’. He would see me for sex and that’s it. I feel furious about it even as I type this. But I understand now I am angry with myself for allowing the abuse and humiliation to continue in my life with respect to ‘relationships’. I started writing music when my marriage was ‘going south’. I thought I was  ‘suppose’ to, a gift from God, I was special. But I know now it was deception as the White Light construct that kept me enslaved to the ‘story’ of Sandy. This man was a musician I met along that ‘path’. I liked him because he validated me as a woman (after being rejected by my husband), we had fun sex, he was ‘handsome’, he had a sexy singing voice and could play the piano.

Thought Pattern: Oh God, I hate that man CL, he is the devil himself. He lied to me , used me, he is an evil fucking prick. I was so innocent…well… I was so sincere in how I ‘loved’ him and he never wanted anything but sex. I drove myself literally insane obsessing over him and writing him ‘love’ songs. I nearly died because I met him, I ended my marriage too soon (lol, my husband was glad, he had wanted ‘out’ for about 5 years)  and this put me in a very vulnerable position ie. no money or practical help with 2 little children to raise. Then I became an alcoholic for Christ sake to stop the ‘voices’ in my head. Then because I was an alcoholic (stopped me from killing myself at least was good ‘tool’ for few years) I nearly lost custody of my children. All because he was a smooth fuckin devil with a silver tongue. CL ruined my life and I hate the man whole heartedly. I hope he rots, he deserves it.

Thought: Oh God, I hate that man CL, he’s a fucking asshole. He ruined my life by using me. I went insane and became an alcoholic because I met him.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, ‘I hate that man CL, he ruined my life. I went insane and became an alcoholic because I met him.’ I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an energetic reaction of blame, regret, anger, bitterness, self-pity, self-loathing, hate when I think, ‘Oh God, I hate that man CL, he ruined my life. I went insane and became an alcoholic because I met him.’ I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the  emotions of : blame, regret, anger, bitterness, self-pity, self-loathing, and hatred at the thought , ‘Oh God, I hate that man CL, he’s a fucking asshole.  He ruined my life by using me. I went insane and became an alcoholic because of him..’  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the words: sex , piano, song, songwriting, Leuty, basement apartment, Montreal, alcoholism, crazy, insane, suicide, Children’s Aid, pot, oil, daughter, feel, booty, booty call, use, to the thought, ‘Oh God, I hate that man CL, he ruined my life. I went insane and became an alcoholic because I met him.’

Whenever I think, ‘Oh God, I hate that man CL, he’s a fucking asshole. He ruined my life by using me. I went insane and became an alcoholic because of him’ I stop, I breathe.  I realize I am angry at myself for ‘playing with the Devil’. I realize I desperately needed something to replace my husband, something outside of me because I had no self–esteem/worth/love . I realize I was naive but not innocent, I used him for a ‘treat’ too and wanted to use him for a ‘lifetime’ to ‘complete’ me, fill the emptiness inside of myself. I realize my insanity (see My Story: http://youtu.be/jHmtACV-ECE) eventually led me to Desteni where I am busy learning to stand, all as one as equal ‘here’ on earth and learning ‘best for all’ principals and how to implement an Equal Money System, so desperately need on this planet. I realize there is nothing I would rather be busy doing. I no longer accept and allow myself to place blame outside of myself but know I create my life in each moment of each breath. I no longer accept and allow myself to be in my mind as past memories and emotions that can harm me but instead I bring myself back here to the physical and direct myself in the awareness of what is here and what is real and not re-create my past over and over. I stand and I stop the mind as possession as thoughts.  I am responsible to do what is best for all, as life as equal!

I will start with the conscious thought I have around a certain kind of man. Although it it subsiding as I am changing and am less fearful and more self aware of how I am responsible for what occurs in my life, there is a kind of man who has frightened me alot. This man would have some or all of the following qualities: be good looking, commanding ie. ‘big’ presence/personality, big ‘talent’,  outspoken, friendly-even overly friendly, sexy, very smart, educated and well spoken, big ego, loud, center of attention, tall ususally not always, wealthy, funny, popular, fit, and muscular. I would be sexually attracted to these men, again usually and if they rejected me in any way, I would assume it was because I was a failure, I was not ‘enough’ (of something) for them and they were ‘right’.

Recently, and as recent as last night, I am becoming more aware of my ‘backchat’ which are the thoughts running continuously in your mind  (some call the ‘squirrels’ ‘gerbals running on the wheel’ ‘the committee’) . They are often vicious observations , they are memories of experiences of your past that keep playing out, supposedly protecting you /warning you but I see more and more they keep me enslaved to my mind and mind patterns.  So just for ‘fun’ I will guess some of the backchat thoughts would be; stupid prick, I fuckin’ hate men like that, he doesn’t like me, men like that never like me, i’m not pretty enough or funny enough, i’m just not enough of something , I’ll make him notice me, I hate him, stay away from him, he will humiliate you.

Thought Pattern: I hate Dr. H. (my Dad was a chiropractor and many of his friends were) He’s never nice to me. Be careful of him. He thinks your just pretty and disregards me other than that. I’m not ‘good enough’ to talk to or joke with , like he does with that girl/woman, I am not ‘good enough’ to give attention to or become friends with. If I try to talk with him he blows me off. I dont’ look good tonight. He likes her, she’s really funny and cute/beautiful/smart/rich/successful/unique, I’m just plain and average. I don’t blame him. Just talk to the other losers. They’re nice. I hate fucking men like that anyway.

thought: Men like that; smart, funny, successful, handsome, popular, powerful, don’t like me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think men who are smart funny, successful, handsome, successful, popular and powerful don’t like me. I realize it makes no difference whether someone likes me or not , I am the same in either case. I no longer accept and allow myself to be ’emotionally’ dependent on another’s opinion and interaction with me. I realize I can trust myself now and if I am not ‘comfortable’ with someone I can stay at a distance and don’t need to interact with them. I no longer accept and allow myself to judge someone if I choose not to interact with them or they choose to not interact with me.

Whenever I have the thought   ‘ Men like that; smart, funny, successful, handsome, popular, powerful, don’t like me’ I stop, I breathe. I realize I can choose who I speak to without any emotion attached to the descision. I no longer accept and allow myself to need approval from  others, I no longer accept and allow myself to be energetically charged with emotions (fear, insecurity, jealousy) that can harm me. Instead I bring myself out of my mind and back to the physical with each ‘here’ moment of breath and I remind myself I do not need to ‘feel’ popular, liked, pretty but can enjoy my own company and relax and calm down in whatever social situation I find myself in.

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A pattern I have seen, with the men in my life, is waiting up for them, worrying, obsessing over their whereabouts, safety, fidelity, intentions, and integrity. It started as a little girl pacing in my bedroom until my Dad came home. It did not matter if he was home at 3a.m. I would not sleep until he pulled in the driveway. It continued into my first marriage for many years. Today I find myself going into this pattern now and then if one of my adult children are late (when they are at home, that is).

Thought Pattern: He’s not home yet. What time is it? How many hours has he been late? I hope he hasn’t gotten into a car accident. Oh god, please bring him home safely, please let him be ok, pleeeeeeease God, I’ll do anything. What time is it? He’s drinking and driving. He’s probably drunk. Its’ a snow  storm, he could be killed or hurt. Maybe he’s fooling around. He may be unfaithful….He’s not home yet. What time is it…….

Thought: Oh God, he’s late, where is he? Something bad could happen.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to think ‘Oh God, he’s late, where is he? Something bad could happen’. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an energetic reaction of fear of loss-of father/husband/child, anxiety, self-pity, helplessness, hopelessness over the thougtht, ‘   Oh God, he’s late, where is he? Something bad could happen.’

Whenever I go into an energetic reaction of fear and anxiety over the thought, ‘Oh God, he’s late, where is he? Something bad could happen’ I stop , I breathe. I no longer accept and allow myself to waste my time on victim statements in my mind. I no longer accept and allow myself to be directed by fear of loss but instead bring myself back to the physical in that moment and realize the only thing that is real is ‘here’ in this breath. I realize I don’t control events outside of myself and I calm down and take whatever action, a phone call perhaps, is necessary or possible, I talk to someone about my concern, I watch tv if I feel it would help me until I find out what has occurred for this person to be late.

I looked up the word ‘bank’ in the dictionary (not thinking about it too much) expecting to find: financial institution, place where the public keeps their money, blah, blah, blah…Instead I found the following:

bank   dictionary.com 04/11/11

1. a long pile or heap; mass: a bank of earth; a bank of clouds.

2 a slope or acclivity

3  Physical Geography. the slope immediately bordering a streamcourse along      which the water normally runs.

4. a broad elevation of the sea floor around which the water is relatively shallow but not a hazard to surface navigation.
5 .Coal Mining. the surface around the mouth of a shaft.
It seems to me the commonality most of these definitions have is that a bank is an elevation or foundation of some part of the natural earth.  Hmm, well now that is interesting because I would have given bank the following definition:
Bank:  A place where I am told ‘no’. A place where I am humiliated. I place where I feel no one sincerely cares but put on fake smiles and a supposed helpful demeanour but I understand their ‘hands are tied’ as they ‘just work there’. A place where I feel shitty that, although I hate them, I am wrought with guilt because they are the pawns behind the cowards..I mean powerful players of the corporation (you know the ones who have billions of dollars and never show their face, I wonder how much their mortgage is ?…oh , nothing, that’s right. I wonder how much they pay in tax? …oh again nothing. they know all the ways to cheat but they do not call it cheating).
Anyway, back to the question. Will there be banks in an Equal Money System? (EMS)
No, not as you think of a bank now. One would assume that money and  banks go together but in an EMS they do not.  The banks role has purely been of  a service provider, making a profit from controlling the movement of money. However, within an EMS, the incentive to make profit will no longer exist and therefore the need for banks will no longer exist.

Money, itself, will not be owned. The only thing that will be owned will be life!  Everyone will receive equal money from birth to death.  In practicality, we will utilize the electronic infrastructure currently in place in the world as a monitoring system, which means you will be given credits on a card, say monthly, each one receiving the same, and use these credits at various stores to get all the goods and services you and your family require. So this card is  simply a tool used to trade in a responsible, accountable fashion.  Hence, money will be purely the accounting tool used to plan, implement and coordinate the details of  the division of resources at an individual and a global scale .

You won’t need to ‘pay for’ anything. You deserve all that is here for ‘free’ as you are one and equal to it. It does not matter where you are born, to what family, what history your family had. We do not put value on life as each other nor on food we produce, plants, animals, mountains, oceans nor the sky nor the rain. Time for us to wake up, all is free to roam the earth and enjoy what is here within a ‘best for all’ awareness and responsibility.

Wouldn’t it be great if banks could be transformed into community centers? A practical tool, a place to gather and support each other to become effective as individuas and as a community.

What was the common theme in dictionary definitions of ‘bank’ ?  An elevation or foundation of some part of the natural earth. The earth, home, the dust we come from and return to.  

Bank: new definition:  a natural part of the earth, a place to gather and share how to live ‘best for all’ principals, a place that lifts one up, gives one stability to grow as life, a place to support each other in all aspect of and as community, a place of togetherness as the new earthling.

Free yourself from the voice in the head that has taught you to become a ‘good’ consumer slave . Please join us at Desteni.co.za.