Posts Tagged ‘dreams’

January 2011

2011 – First Blog: My Process at Deteni

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/06/first-blog-my-process-at-desteni-journal-jan-411/

2011 – my process…SHUT UP

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/07/my-process-shut-up/

2011 – Loser and Gossip

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/10/loser-and-gossip/

2011 – Humiliation and the Money System

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/11/humiliation-and-the-money-system/

2011 – Good Intentions

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/11/good-intentions/

2011 – How I am not real…I change moment to moment

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/13/how-i-am-not-real-i-change-moment-to-moment/

2011 – My master fear shouts ‘hurry up’

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/14/my-master-fear-shouts-hurry-up/

2011 – hate and murder…it’s right there inside of me

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/19/hate-and-murder-its-right-there-inside-of-me/

2011 – News:  Horrible images of the dead but I am numb

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/20/news-horrible-images-of-the-dead-but-i-am-numb/

2011 – Egomania

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/23/egomania/

2011 – Fear of Standing Up

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/23/fear-of-standing-up/

2011 – A Disaplined Life

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/25/a-disciplined-life/

2011 – The Existing Money System and Debt

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/28/the-existing-money-system-and-debt/

February 2011

2011 – Fear of Attack:  My Process with Desteni

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/02/05/fear-of-attack-my-process-with-desteni/

2011 – My Friend Pika:  Process, A First

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/02/07/my-friend-pika-process-a-first/

2011 – I Am One Vote For World Equality

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/02/08/i-am-one-vote-for-world-equality/

2011 – Self Trust & Common Sense

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/02/12/self-trust-common-sence/

2011 – Joy

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/02/14/joy/

2011 – Sugar Addiction

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/02/17/sugar-addiction/

2011 – Starting to Experience Life

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/02/23/starting-to-experience-life/

2011 – Why on Earth-lyrics

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/02/27/why-on-earth-by-sandy-jones-and-peter-linesman/

March 2011

2011 – Dropping the Ball and Chain

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/03/04/dropping-the-ball-and-chain/

2011 – Exploiting Cheap Labor: Does Ignorant = Innocent?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/03/08/exploiting-cheap-labour-does-ignorant-innocent/

2011 – Comparison; Woman Against Woman

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/03/10/comparison-woman-against-woman/

2011 – Process: Changes

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/03/14/process-changes/

April 2011

2011 – Process: Facing my Fears…uh oh…Huge Step Back

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/04/12/process-facing-my-fears-uh-oh-huge-step-back/

2011 – I Fear Smoking: Self Forgiveness

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/04/12/process-facing-my-fears-uh-oh-huge-step-back/

2011 – I Fear Losing Money:  Self Forgiveness

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/04/12/process-facing-my-fears-uh-oh-huge-step-back/

2011 – Are We Not ALL Princes Among Men?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/04/21/are-we-all-not-princes-among-men/

May 2011

2011 – Al-Queda Recruits: What am I  Missing Here?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/05/01/al-queda-recruits-what-am-i-missing-here/

2011 – My Experience with the Real Estate Career Scam

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/05/03/my-experience-with-the-real-estate-career-sham/

2011 – Canadian Election Shocker:  Hope for future equality…in the future

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/05/03/canadian-election-surprise-hope-for-future-equality-in-the-future/

2011 – Why didn’t I take my Kids to Cool ‘Singalong’ Classes when They were Young?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/05/14/why-didnt-i-take-my-kids-to-cool-singalong-classes-when-they-were-young/

2011 – I Hate My Husband;   Anger/Blame

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/05/17/i-hate-my-husband-angerblame/

2011 – The End is Here, yes the end of BS with an Equal Money System

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/05/21/the-end-is-here-yes-the-end-of-bs-with-an-equal-money-system/

2011 – Banking: Price Increases…Insatiable Greed

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/05/31/banking-price-increases-no-one-asked-me/

2011 – Sport:  Competition Destroys the Self Esteem of the large majority of our Children

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/05/31/sport-competition-destroys-the-self-esteem-of-large-majority-of-our-children/

2011 – Music:  Beyonce Is A Bully

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/05/31/music-beyonce-is-a-bully/

June 2011

2011 – Why Sex Sells

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/06/10/why-sex-sells/

2011 – Mind Control – Cult – Beware !

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/06/10/mind-control-cult-beware/

2011 – MultiNational Greed and the Ugly Result

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/06/11/multinational-greed-and-the-ugly-result/

2011 – Causes of Poverty-Shocking Worldwide Statistics

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/06/14/causes-of-poverty-worldwide-statistics-shocking/

2011 – Vanity & Me:  Self Forgiveness on the Beauty System

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/06/24/vanity-me-process-self-forgiveness-on-the-beauty-system/

2011 – Realizations!  Fear of Aging

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/06/25/realizations-fear-of-aging/

July 2011

2011 – Why I Stand for Equal Money and World Equality

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/07/01/why-i-stand-for-equal-money-and-world-equality/

2011 – Emotions and Re-defining ‘Beauty’

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/07/02/emotions-and-re-defining-beauty/

2011 – Where ‘God’ led me:  An Exurpt from a Case Study on Alcoholism

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/07/17/where-god-led-me-an-exurpt-from-a-casestudyblog-on-alcoholism/

2011 – Loss:  What I now realize.  What I will now accept and what I will not accept.

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/07/17/loss-what-i-now-realize-what-i-will-and-will-not-accept-and-allow/

2011 – The Road To Hell is Paved With Good Intentions

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/07/26/the-road-to-hell-is-paved-with-good-intentions/

2011 – Quantum Self Realizations

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/07/26/quantum-self-realizations/

August 2011

2011 – Jealousy:  My Sister got the Family Cottage

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/08/15/jealousy-my-sister-got-the-family-cottage/

2011 – Regret:  The talk with my Dad

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/08/16/regret-the-talk-with-my-dad/

2011 – Trigger Points:  Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/08/17/trigger-points-self-forgiveness-and-corrective-statement/

2011 – Life as Survival of the Fittest Versus Life in an Equal Money System

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/08/21/life-as-survival-of-the-fittest-versus-life-within-an-equal-money-system/

2011 – Equal Money is Not Communism

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/08/21/equal-money-is-not-communism/

Septmeber 2011 

2011 – What Happens when I Accept an Idea of ‘God’?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/09/06/what-happens-when-i-accept-an-idea-of-god/

2011 – Experiences Keep Us Stuck

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/09/08/experiences-keep-us-stuck/

2011 – Self Forgiveness:  Self Sabotage:  The point of Inferiority

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/09/21/self-forgiveness-self-sabotage-the-point-of-inferiority/

2011 – Self Forgiveness:  Self Sabotage:  Assumptions

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/09/22/self-forgiveness-self-sabotage-assumptions/

2011 – Self Forgiveness Book:  Childhood:  Thought Patterns

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/09/28/self-forgiveness-book-childhoodthought-patterns/

October  2011

2011 – Childhood Patterns:  Inhibitions

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/childhood-patterns-inhibition/

2011 – Poverty & Pregnancy

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/10/06/poverty-and-pregnancy/

2011 – Childhood Memories:  Humiliation

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/10/08/childhood-memories-humiliation/

2011 – Self Forgiveness:  Childhood Memories:  Submissive Women

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/10/14/sf-childhood-memories-submissive-women/

2011- Unplanned Pregnancy & Equal Money

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/10/16/unplannedunwanted-pregnancy-and-equal-money/

2011 – FAQ:  Will Indigenous People Preserve their ‘Rights’ to live Outside the System?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/10/25/will-indigenous-people-preserve-their-rights-to-live-outside-of-the-system/

2011 – FAQ Equal Money:  Will I have to Wait in Line for Bread?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/10/27/faq-equal-money-will-i-have-to-wait-in-line-for-bread/

2011 – The Future of Money 2012:  Will There Be Banks in an Equal Money System?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/10/29/the-future-of-money-2012-will-there-be-banks-in-an-equal-money-system/

November 2011

2011 – Self Forgiveness on Childhood:  Thought Patterns:  Fear of Men

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/03/self-forgiveness-on-childhood-fear-of-men-thought-patterns/

2011 – Process:  Letting Go of my Relationship Personality

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/04/process-letting-go-of-my-relationship-personality/

2011 – Self Forgiveness:  Thought Patterns:  Boyfriends

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/07/self-forgiveness-boyfriends-thought-patterns/

2011 – Self Forgiveness:  High School Girlfriends

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/10/self-forgiveness-high-school-girlfriends/

2011 – Self Forgiveness:  Thought Patterns:   Family-In-Laws

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/13/sf-thought-patterns-family-in-laws/

2011 – Self Forgiveness:  Thought Patterns:  My Father’s Drinking

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/20/self-forgiveness-childhood-memories-thought-patterns-my-fathers-drinking/

2011 – FAQ:  Equal money System:  Are you just going to print cash?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/20/faq-equal-money-system-are-you-going-to-just-print-cash/

2011 – FAQ:  Equal Money System:  Will there be Euthanasia?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/20/faq-equal-money-system-will-there-be-euthanasia/

2011 – FAQ:  Equal Money System 2020:  BIG (Basic Income Grant)

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/20/faq-equal-money-system-2020-basic-income-grant/

2011 – Process:  Fantasies of Older Men: Realizations and Self Corrective Statements

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/27/so-many-men-so-little-time-realizations-and-self-corrective-statements-re-fantasies/

December 2011

2011 – Self Forgiveness:  Thought Patterns:  Teen/Young Adult

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/12/07/memories-thought-patterns-self-forgiveness/

2011 – FAQ:  Equal Money System 2020:  No more cheap glasses that ruin your eyes!

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/12/07/faq-equal-money-system-2020-no-more-cheap-glasses-that-ruin-your-eyes/

2011 – FAQ:  The End of Weapons Production with Equal Money

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/12/10/faq-the-end-of-weapons-production-with-equal-money/

2011 – FAQ:  Equal Money System 2020:  No More OWS (Occupy Wall Street)

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/12/12/faq-equal-money-system-2020-no-more-owsoccupy-wall-street/

2011 – FAQ:  Equal Money System 2020:  Free World Travel

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/12/12/faq-equal-money-system-2020-free-world-travel/

2011 – FAQ:  Equal Money System 2020:  No more Deepak Chopra

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/12/13/faq-equal-money-system-2020no-more-deepak-chopra/

2011 – Self Forgiveness on Use of Sleep Aids

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/12/24/self-forgiveness-on-use-of-sleep-aids/

2011 – Self Forgiveness on Alcoholism

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/12/30/self-forgiveness-on-alcoholism/

January 2012

2012 – Self Forgiveness on ‘Happy” Childhood Memories

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/02/self-forgiveness-on-happy-childhood-memories/

2012 – Self Forgiveness As Last Life

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/05/self-forgiveness-as-last-life/

2012 – Self Forgiveness As Another:  The Money System

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/06/self-forgiveness-as-another-the-money-system/

2012 – Self Forgiveness As Another:  Parents, siblings, world systems, other

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/08/2011-self-forgiveness-as-another-parents-siblings-world-systems-other/

2012 – Self Forgiveness:  Karma

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/08/self-forgiveness-karma/

2012 – Self Forgiveness on Magic:  The Role of Time

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/10/self-forgiveness-on-magic-the-role-of-time/

2012 – 2012 Why I Could Hear the Desteni Message

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/2012-why-i-could-hear-the-desteni-message/

2012 – 2012 Is it more than a Prediction? Is it the End?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/2012-is-it-more-than-a-prediction-is-it-the-end/

2012 – 2012 Are you truly Alone? Where is the Savior?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/24/2012-are-you-truly-alone-where-is-the-savior/

2012 – 2012: Facing the Religion of Self

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/2012-facing-the-religion-of-self/

February 2012

2012 – 2012: What Does it Mean to Live Absolute?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/02/07/2012-what-does-it-mean-to-live-absolute/

2012 – 2012:  Will You Survive the Financial Collapse?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/02/07/2012-will-you-survive-the-financial-collapse/

2012 – Eckhart Tolle’s New Earth:  Did I take that seriously?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/02/21/2012-eckhart-tolles-new-earth-did-i-take-that-seriously/

2012 – History of the Interdimentional Portal

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/02/23/history-of-the-interdimentional-porta/

March 2012

2012 – Wayne Dyer’s ‘Power of Intention’ What Purpose Does it Serve?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/03/03/2012-wayne-dyers-the-power-of-intention-what-purpose-does-it-serve/

2012 – Economics: Ownership: The Lie that Kills

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/03/05/economics-ownership-the-lie-that-kills/

2012 – Secrets of Masturbation: Why even talk about it? Isn’t anything private anymore?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/03/08/secrets-of-masturbation-why-even-talk-about-this-isnt-anything-private-anymore/

2012 – ‘A Course in Miracles’ :  The miracle did nothing to improve my life

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/03/06/2012-a-course-in-miracles-the-miracle-did-not-improve-my-life/

2012 – Voices in the Mind are Deception Not a Higher Power

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/03/31/voices-in-the-mind-are-deception-not-a-higher-power/

April 2012

2012 – W. Dyer:  Looking at “The Power Of Intention”

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/04/05/w-dyer-looking-at-the-power-of-intention/

2012 – Re-defining Education:  Social Develpment 1 to 6 months

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/re-education-social-development-1-to-6-months/

2012 – Healing Resentment: I’m So Pissed at My Husband!

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/healing-resentment-im-so-pissed-at-my-husband/

2012 – Sandy’s Journey To Life:  Day 1:  Resistance

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/sandys-journey-to-life-day-1-resistance/

2012 – Sandy’s Journey To Life:  Day 2:  Failed Relationships

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/04/29/sandys-journey-to-life-day-2-failed-relationships/

May 2012

2012 – Day 3:  I Hate that Rich Bitch:  Facing Jealousy, Regret, Spite

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/05/07/day-3-i-hate-that-rich-bitch-jealousy-regret-spite/

2012   Day 4: Failed Relationships: Facing My Father

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/day-4-failed-relationships-beginning-facing-my-father/

2012 – Day 5: Failed Relationships: Facing my Father 2

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/05/13/day-5-failed-relationships-facing-my-father-2/

2012 – Day 6: Failed Realtionships: My Mom: Being Bitchy to Store Clerks and My Partner

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/05/16/day-6-failed-relationships-my-mom/

2012 – Day 7: Facing my Father 3 : Little Girls are Inferior

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/day-7-facing-my-father-3-little-girls-are-inferior/

2012 – Day 8:  Failed Relationships: Rushing

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/05/23/day-8-failed-relationships-rushing/

2012 – Day 9: Personality Patterns: I Am Mom

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/05/26/day-9-personality-patterns-i-am-mom/

2012 – Day 10: Personality Patterns: I Am Mom the Protector

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/05/28/day-10-my-mom-personality-cont/

June 2012

2012 – Day 11: Mom as the possession of Worry

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/06/02/day-11-personalities-mom-as-the-possession-of-worry/

2012 – Day 12: Me as Mom: Summer Camp for the Rich

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/06/06/day-12-me-as-mom-summer-camp-for-the-rich/

2012 – Day 13: Facing Me as Mom: The Wicked Wealthy Ski Chalet

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/06/09/day-13-facing-personalities-mom-exclusive-ski-chalet/

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Note: I embrace this process not from a starting point of blame but responsibility. I love and respect my parents and siblings, more so after having started this process of awareness and self realization (my father has passed on). I participate in this self forgiveness, as another, on my parents behalf knowing we are one and equal, to once and for all eradicate the ‘sins of the father’ so we never again have all this crap downloaded into us and we may birth ourselves as life in the physical. My parents were not at fault, my father and mother will have to go through their own process so they can become life and express who they really are, awesome expressions when free from they systems they became here!

Father:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give my children the emotional support they needed growing up.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not give my children physical contact in hugging, holding them and not enough time engaging them and participating, attending events or being physically present enough in the home. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use my children as a punching bag when I was stressed in that I bullied them verbally, criticizing, frightening them instead of acquiring the parental skills I needed to be a supportive, effective parent .  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use alcohol in excess in the home knowing my personality changed when I drank and I treated my children cruelly and humiliated them in front of my friends, relatives and each other. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use alcohol in the home  presenting to my children it is ‘normal’ ‘acceptable’ to drink alcohol even though I knew alcoholism ran rampant within our family ‘tree’. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not talk to my children about the dangers of alcohol consumption. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put Sandy in a ‘box’/role of the quiet one/no trouble/good student/independant. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare Sandy and P. her brother, humiliating P., saying he costs more money to the family, he is not smart like her, he causes them to worry and she doesn’t.   I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be aware that Sandy heard this, in the isolation of her room and it was verbally abusive to both S. and P. and harmed both of them.

Mother:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to present to my daughter that being financially dependent on a husband was ‘normal’ and ‘safe’. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not intervene when my husband was ‘picking’ on one of our children, unless it got really ‘ugly’ or physical. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it was ‘better to not speak up’ to defend my children but ‘safer’ for myself and the children to allow my husband be the ‘boss’ of the house (his role) because I was afraid for our survival if I spoke up and my marriage ended. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let ‘experience’ (the past-her mother was booted out of the house when she was 11 years old and she never saw her again!) dictate to me how I should behave in the present when it was obvious my husband was abusing our children.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to put my daughter in a box/role and if she managed to wriggle out of it I had to put her in another one (easy child, no trouble, quiet…then business woman…wife/mother…troubled single mom trying to be a songwriter WTF…rebel with ‘silly’ ideas how she can change the world for the better/well meaning and kind) based on self interest so I can make sense of the world and live in ‘peace’ with ‘order’ this is who she is/this is who he is/this is the way the world is and I accept it without question, I do not speak up and ask for change, I have money and I am comfortable, I give to charity.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge my daughter as weak, a failure when she needed money when she was a single mom, as I believed she should be strong and independent anyway, ‘soldier on’ ‘be quiet, work hard and society will reward you, then marry again and you will be safe’ as it worked for me and it should work for Sandy.

Eldest Brother: I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge Sandy as a rebel, pain in the ass, going against society to an extreme extent and not being quiet and upsetting me as in making me question my own beliefs.

Sister: I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think/believe my sister is wrong for ‘borrowing’ money from our parents and she should survive without their help.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe Sandy is wrong/small/putting it out there for me to see that I ‘got’ the cottage because my husband and I could afford it ( the rich get richer). I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be ‘mean’ to Sandy when we were children, excluding her just because she was younger and making fun of her/picking on/humiliating her ‘just because I could’. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I am superior to Sandy because I chose the ‘right’ husband and she chose a man like our Dad, for excitement and because he was good looking, then she complained and became poor when the marriage didn’t work out, her fault, now she has nothing and is jealous of me, tough, life worked out for me because I was smart and she was not and that is how it is, I agree with my mom, be quiet Sandy and ‘soldier on’.

Family System: I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be the very manifestation of separateness of human beings into small self serving groups. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be the system that destroys the support of community, for parents of young children and elderly people, so All as One do not take the responsibility for raising the children of our world and supporting and caring for the elderly and as such much abuse takes place within ‘households’ as families in isolation from the rest of society, as a whole. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to deceive human beings into believing ‘blood runs thicker than water’, that ‘specialness’ is real and exists and is ‘right’ to treat some human beings one way and other humans being another way , not as equal, not as one family but each family looks after ‘it’s own’ and passes money/assets down from one generation to the next, as in ‘family money’ which leads to more separation, indifference to the suffering of others and strictly living within self interest.    I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as the ‘sins of the father’ downloading all the information of the mother and father and generations past into each and every new born child on earth, all of this information exists as files that activate as thoughts , feelings, and emotions within the un/sub/conscious mind, which the being believes to be them, it is not.

Sex System:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the birthing process, of new human beings being born into this world,be excruciatingly painful for women to endure.  I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have women to have to endure a monthly bleeding process as part of the reproduction process required for women to be able to conceive/become pregnant. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to confuse human beings by having the orgasm experience, as a necessary part of reproduction, be so pleasurable, that they abuse it by becoming obsessed at having to experience this ‘euphoria’ as much as possible in irresponsible ways that harms other human beings, often vulnerable women and children. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be the manifestation responsible for deception in a marriage that leads to ‘heartbreak’, suicide, bankruptcy, and the break up of families leaving innocent family members vulnerable to much harm and emotional unstability.

Education System:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be the manifestation of a system that many follow/trust in innocents not knowing how they are being controlled by the few in power, elite/governments, directing them to become another unit in the money system, controlling what ‘job’ career they will engage in, how much they will earn and enslaving them to being wage earners and consumers, not having time to express who they really are as ‘life’ ‘here’ but continually stuck in their minds ‘worrying’ about how they will pay the bills, afford this and that.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to bore human beings with vast amount of useless knowledge and information they are told they have to memorize, theorize, write about, figure, that they do not need and this occupies them so they do not even questions the ‘wisdom’ of all the time and effort it takes and they do not see what needs to be done in this world to bring about a life that is best for all.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not be equally available = affordable to all thus contributing to the vast separation of human beings within geography, family they are born into, genetics-some are born (programmed) ‘lucky’ ‘talented’ ‘gifted’ and others average or deemed ‘dumb’ ‘learning disabled’ and have no/little chance at receiving me and thus a very difficult life and cannot earn sufficient money to support themselves or their families.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be part of a system of heirachy and engage human beings in their minds as ego, as in emotions of superiority, better-than, snobbery according  to which of my institutions they or their family member attended, knowing full well their money got them there and others do not have the same/equal advantage.

Government System:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manifest in different ‘countries’ in separation and not one cooperative world government. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to control people through fear of reprisal/punishment if they challenge me , question my authority and power, report deception, report criminal behavior, gather to discuss alternatives to my rule.   I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to obsess certain human being minds to the point of demonizing them so that they completely dominate, rule over with an iron fist, a group of people in  a way that is not best for all. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be the system people/groups/countries hide behind as ‘democratic’ when it is clearly small groups of people claiming all the wealth=power and all the fruits of this earth while the masses suffer.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make certain things illegal that could bring much health and stability to a population, for example making it so very difficult for entrepeneurs to bring new ideas to the ‘market’ such as health alternatives/advancements and making other substances, for example alcohol,  legal and readily available to the masses of world populations, knowing I am sedating them to keep them occupied and ‘dumbed down’ so they are quiet and easily controlled.

Music/Entertainment System/Sports System:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to prop people up, making them ‘larger than life’ so they receive huge sums of money=wealth, power, movement while others live in extreme poverty and die of starvation each day just because they sing ‘well’ or act as a character in a story ‘well’, or run fast or throw a ball well, or write a ‘good’ story.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to obsess the human mind to the extent I demonize them through their ego with feelings of self importance, justification with self interest above all else, entitlement, superiority, dominance, greed, power, conceit, vanity, believing they are ‘chosen’ by ‘god’ to live a ‘privileged’ life so it is justified they have so much money and can do and buy whatever they want even if they have 20 cars and 10 houses and they know others have nothing!  They are favored by god, lol.

No, in an equal money system there will not be cash that is printed. There will not be  trade as you think of it now, I give physical money and you give me a cell phone or laptop.  There will be no concern, nor exist, profit and loss as that was part of the abuse and deception that exist in this current system. Indeed, there will be no `value` placed on anything: people, animals, plants, products as the value is life-equally- and is not questioned. All that exist here on earth requires no beliefs ideas attached to it, that can be manipulated and twisted with giving a certain `value`as this is what has caused extensive suffering and abuse here. This has to end. No one has to `work at a job` or earn money` to receive all they need. The value of you as life is intrinsic, it needs no defense or justification as all deserve to have a life where they are free to explore and express themselves, not just some.

There will a system of logistics on a computerized card, similar to your credit or bank card now, that keeps track of all you have been given, which will be all you require to live a healthy, dignified existance.  This is a system of accountability so for example if you have a computer or cell phone the system would have a record of this so no one abuses and takes more than they need.

Products will be made to last, everyone will have the best quality as nothing less will be tolerated to be manufactured, grown, etc. Of course replacement and repair would be provided as needed, common sense.

We will live as equals so I would not work at making a laptop or tablet that was not of the quality I would want for myself and my family. I would not take more than I realistically need because I have no need to hoard or fear lack in the future as there will not be a `cost`as in dollar amount I need to come up with for this product or service.  There could be a situation where one does require more than one laptop or cell phone for their family, area where they `create`say manufacture a product. So, in common sense this would be provided.

To ensure no abuse is taking place there would be , as there is now, a system to check, investigate, report.

Thought: It doesn’t matter if I write a book on self forgiveness or not, no one will read it.

Self sabotage: I have fallen on a point before I even stand, before I write one word , I have believed a thought in my mind-which has no reality unless it is given a reality by me acting on it!  And so I follow my ego, perhaps some doubt and guilt creep in, no matter, my mind has many justifications,  ‘Well, not many people would read it, not enough to make a difference’ ‘I really don’t know how to market a book on the internet anyway’ ‘i’ve never had any success selling stuff I’ve made’ ‘ what am I a sheep?  Following everything said at Desteni, it’s rediculous’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to think, ‘It doesn’t matter if i write a book on self forgiveness or not, no one will read it.’I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the thought, ‘It doesn’t matter if i write a book on self forgiveness or not, no one will read it.’ I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have  the thought, ‘It doesn’t matter if i write a book on self forgiveness or not, no one will read it’ exist  within and as me as real.

Self Realizations: I realize I no longer accept and allow myself to project into the future/determine the ‘future’ from a starting point of a past memory. I realize ‘past’ experiences do not determine who and what I am in this here moment of breath. I realize I can learn how to set up a store online and market products. I realize it is a pointless waste of my time to participate in ‘worry’ about not selling something I don’t even have yet! Lol, how insane is that!  I realize a self forgiveness book is a productive use of my time as it helps me in my process ‘here’, it may help others or, if I don’t make it, through changes  that are occuring on earth, hopefully it/the book will remain to assist future generations. I realize Desteni has assisted and supported me in several ways and continues to do so , in my personal process of becoming self  as life (not self as ego) , explained my mind to me, provides  an invaluable community of  beings who have the same values as myself (never found that before in my life) and has provided me with a platform to express myself. We are one and equal, I can switch roles and play the shepard sometime.

Self corrective statement: Whenever I have the thought,  ‘It doesn’t matter if I write a book on self forgiveness or not, no one will read it’, I stop, I breath. I no longer accept and allow myself to be directed by excuses and  justification of the mind. I realize this  thought is of the mind  I bring myself back ‘here’ to the physical and remain here with the breath in each moment. I realize it is impossible to share the message -solution- of self forgiveness if everyone projected into the future and assumed no one will read a SF booklet, no one will if it is not written. I carry on with my day and begin writing.

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Largely what and who I am is a library of accumulated knowledge and information, filed in my brain/ mind. I am largely knowledge and information in the form of remembered experiences-I call upon with my memroy that tell me how to react/feel/  to a certain situation. These ‘memories’ in fact are copied from our parents as we are raised by them as an example and so it goes from one generation to the next. Talk about robotic! I suppose we do ‘tweek’ various personality traits but we are basically little copies of each other. Its actually pretty funny, if it wasn’t so tragic that human beings war with each other, partly over ‘differences’ in religion, skin color, regions, ownership of land, it goes on, when we are all actually very much the same.

So if I continually reference memories/pictures in my mind of events from past experiences, to tell me how to act/feel today to a certain situation nothing new will occur that will bring about any lasting , effective change! Oh, I could go back to school and get more knowledge and information  but how would I as a person on earth do/contribute  something completely different, which is required if a different result is to occur, which this planet sorely needs.

Many things we experience are based on ‘excitment’. It is actually a distraction and a very effective one! An average day of an average Canadian-in winter-can be dull, depressing-get dressed , kids to school, work hard in an office enviroment 8 hours, exhausted by the end of the week and have little to no extra money to show for it, stress, behind on bills, its dark and cold…need a reason to carry on so ‘experences’ which awaken the senses/emotions work well. Whether it be a fast, thrilling adventure on skis or motorcycle or exposure to a religious/spiritual  ‘miracle’ or the thrill of a new life/baby being born. Yes these ‘experiences’ are what we thrive on, hold on to, when times are tough or just the same=boring to humans, to keep us going to… damn it, make us feel alive! I used to use large doses of alcohol for that, worked quite well for several year and then.. well.. it didn’t.  Or a new ’cause’ to focus on and ‘fight’ for; someone has cancer, tragic starvation in Somalia, oust a dictator through revolution, write a song about revolution, listen to a song about revolution and feel heartache,pangs sympathy for a fellow human being, if only for a few moments.  These exciting-happy exciting-or sad exciting-experiences bring us together for a short while. But no one really means it, the togetherness because we all resort back to self interest in no time.

If people really meant it they would demand their politicians to stop pouring billions of dollars-that could feed/house people today-into building weapons of war, fighter jets for the purposes of war and letting the elite hide and hoard their billions-money that could be used for the good of all.

The experience of a few who have reached the ‘American Dream’ is held out like the carrot on a stick to the’common’ people, who see the ultra wealthy paraded on tv and movie screens, in magazines and on the news, in the small hope that they too will be lucky, hit it big, achieve financial freedom, even win the lottery.  Watching the news last night I heard President Obama tell a vicious lie.  I generally like the guy but his comment really caught me off guard, maybe he even believes it, I don’t know. It was a Labor Day speech in Detroit, the auto industry hard hit by the ‘its not a recession’  recession, “…the American Dream is still achievable by all.”  Really? No, not really but it stirs up emotions and has a nice ring to it. Somewhat off topic but I couldn’t help but to mention that, it’s just so utterly and obviously false it shocks me no one has commented on the insanity of that statement.

I play a game with myself  when ‘things’ get really bad in my life. It goes like this ; what if I had no prior knowledge of my life and I was just beamed into this body and circumstances–so I just found myself here in this life with the present ‘problems’ conditions, body, people, etc?   What occurs is the emotions/feelings/ confusion with so many thoughts from the past as experiences-quite literally, disappear!  So no past experiences to draw on=slow you down/fill you with anguish,  no assumptions to make- and voila…common sense marches forth.  Much simplification instantly occurs, looking at facts as numbers, mathematics, options, a calm atmosphere ensues, the mind moves slower and more concise, decisions are made quicker ,without the stronghold of fear-when there was no actual threat at the moment or near future-manipulating and sabotaging them.  I can breath, my body relaxes, I become grateful for what I have, all when I remove the mind- the mind as the past, as experiences.  Try it sometime!

So if we don’t ‘draw upon’ past experiences to tell us what to do, what to think, how to act, how to feel…what do we do?!   Well, you can check out Desteni to get the answers to that . Another thing Obama put to the crowd in Detroit , in his Labor Day speech, was that, just as in the past, Americans would do what they  have always  done and ‘get to work’/ rise up/ not give up -kind of thing. Unfortunately for the whole world, another thing that happens-if you look at experience/history to tell you where you’re going-when the world economies are floundering and then collapse;   W  A  R . . .

There is an alternative, there is in fact a solution. Better than the American lottery..err I mean dream. It is Equal Money. Equal Money for All to live a dignified life. It is bringing heaven to earth. It is what a few people are busy doing. Please join us at Desteni. Please investigate EqualMoney.Org

When I accept the idea of a ‘God’, assuming this is an all powerful, loving , creator, I put myself in a position that is ‘smaller’, ‘less powerful’. I assume there is something, some being that ‘made’ me for a reason and I can only ‘hope’ there is a benevolent reason for my existence.   ‘Hope’ itself is not empowering and I wait/walk..err…stumble blindly along life’s path with only faith (interesting hope and faith both also ‘ideas’ in my mind) trying to do what is ‘right’ (hard to say what right is, as it is different according to your experience) until the day I die so I may enter the kingdom of this ‘leader’. Hmmm…not much to grab hold of there but it’s all I got.

If I accept the idea of ‘God’ I isolate myself -as one person trying to do what I conjure is ‘right’-from my fellow human beings, the animal kingdom and nature. I live an existence based largely, if not solely, upon self interest because I am in fact in my head-my mind with beliefs that direct me. I accept the notion that there is a ‘right’ path or ‘wrong’ path for me and he=God ain’t gonna tell me which way to go. I  buy into the notion of ‘signs’, ‘a calling’, ‘answered prayers’, that I now understand to be all thoughts, feelings, dreams- from my mind!

I am taught and ‘feel’ compelled to go to university, get married, have children, have the same ‘faith’ as my parents, go to the cottage like my parents, buy a home like my parents, have the same values more or less as my parents. I am plagued with guilt, worry, shame, fear, fear, fear…like my father , told to be grateful but it’s good to want and get more, more, more…don’t question the big stuff like where I came from and where I’m going beyond this life-we told you-God made you-God loves you-so be a good little unit and shut up.

What do I allow? When the belief in God is accepted I allow everything and everyone else-save my immediate family and few friends and pets-to sink or swim on their own. Hey, I gotta enough problems trying to survive. I allow the ‘survival of the fittest’ approach to life.

The consequences of this are enormous. Just considering my own little life, then times that by about 7 billion. Everyday is consumed in self interest; how do I get enough money for me, my family, if I have enough money-how do I get more! OMG what is this on my body, i’m gonna die!, how do I save me?, how do I save for the future, how do I remain youthful, how do I loose this weight?, how do I compete with other women so I don’t loose the main breadwinner in the house?, how do I get better abs, tight butt?, afford to get my hair highlighted, get a new car-mine is getting old, go down south-need to save for that , get that new tv-please God , help me  earn more so I can by the new ipad. Need I say more, it goes on and on. Oh yes, give a dollar to the guy on the street and some at Christmas-’tis the season for giving afterall. Gives you a nice warm feeling.

So, one consequence; I turn a blind eye to the suffering of millions of people who are starving, who have no clean water, who have no education, who have little or no hope of a better tomorrow . Me and 7 billion others do this . We are obsessed/possessed by the mind, we are focused inward with god/spirituality/one religion or another and not dealing with what is here in the physical in a practical and logical/mathematical  way.

Speaking of mathematics, I have on several occasions ‘joked’ with my family that if only everyone in the world-not those in the 3rd world-gave me $1.00 that would be enough, I’d be rich and content and it wouldn’t hurt them one bit! They all laugh and agree I’m a little ‘crazy’. Well, what of it? How about it? It makes mathematical sense? Of course not that exactly, but a new way, a way that is based on what is best for all.

At Desteni we support an Equal Money System, please visit EqualMoney.Org. It is the only solution that is truly humane for our earth.

Survival of the fittest is like a cruel joke because it is so obviously based on money. Depending upon where you are born, into what family you are born, who you know, determines on how ‘fit’ you are to educate yourself and indeed to ‘elevate’ yourself into a position where you are able to hold your head high and say, ‘I am a contributing member of society, I am holding my own’.

As well,  you have much more likely been ‘blessed’ with the needed practical tools of self esteem from consistant, loving care children need as they grow, determination, opportunity, ‘choice’ of career etc. I mention consistant and loving care with some hesitation as I was a single parent with no money raising my children. So poor does not equal  providing no consistancy or love. Obviously I did, however, the sad fact is it is much more difficult as one gets exhausted day in and day out raising children without the luxury of help (a needed break), no time for self care or reflection as to what is working/important and what should be altered.

Put simply; within the current money system, survival is based almost entirely on money. If one has abundance, is wealthy, they have time. Time to get enough rest, exercise, have their ‘house in order’ , enjoy hobbies, be creative, explore themselves and their world, take vacation and therefore building mental and physical ‘fitness’.

If one is middle class, they have very little time to do these things and just keep ‘running’ and do not stop long enough to determine how to change this world so the ‘human/rat race’ can be stopped.

If one is poor, well, they do not have any chance/hope to build ‘fitness’ and only focus on one day of their children/themselves not dying, not becoming dehydrated, diseased, murdered, raped.  Perhaps they are focussed on migrating to a ‘safer’ region. There is little , virtually no power they hold that will magically change their circumstances and so internalize their outrage and pray to a ‘God’ for some relief, if only in the hereafter.

In a world where an equal money system was in place, all would have their basic needs met!  Food, shelter, medical care!  This is not some ‘pie in the sky’ crazy utopian idea. There is enough food in the world currently to feed all beings on the planet, there are enough resources and manpower to house all the beings on the planet, there are enough people to provide all the care we need. Do we really need to suffer more before we stand up and say, ‘No I do not accept the way the world is currently operating’ and start taking action?

For example how much does a fighter jet cost?  This is taken from Wiki Answers on August 21, 2011

“Well, it varies according to the fighter jet. Here are prices of several models.

  • F-22 Raptor stealth fighter jet costs $150 million
  • Sukhoi Su-30MKI costs $35.74 million
  • Eurofighter Typhoon costs €90 Million
  • Chengdu J-10 costs $27.84 million

Canada is in the process of deciding whether to purchase the F-15 fighter jet-don’t say how many , I believe it was about 6-8, spending 9 Billion, some estimate it could go as high as 18 Billion Dollars!!!   What????   That ‘s in sanity. Why? To supposed protect ourselves from ,and of course kill, other human beings.

I would be speechless except that won’t change anything.

In an equal money system we eliminate ‘the enemy’ by providing what ‘they’ are fighting for;        SURVIVAL.

We are slaves to the elite but we don’t have to be. If you are interested in making a difference and want to change our world now, please investigate at EqualMoney.Org