Posts Tagged ‘hell’

Why even talk about this? Isn’t anything private anymore?

Well, the thing is, we are all here. If we are honest and take an assessment of our world, we see much sexual dysfunction, violence, abduction even, all around sex. Yes folks, you don’t need to die to go to hell anymore, its right here on planet earth in 2012!

Why is the world like this ? How did this happen?

So what, you ask? What does that have to do with masturbation, it is my ‘right’, it is my body, I can think what I want to ,I am not hurting anyone.

In this fascinating account, which is the free 30 minute introduction of a series of audios on masturbation, it is explained how our masturbation-how it is currently practiced by human beings- becomes a mind possession through the participation of images in our minds, our fantasies. These fantasies become an energetic addiction that ‘grow’ become more extreme to feed upon itself to satisfy the desire.  It goes on from there.

It is, indeed, not harmless to you or others. We are all connected, as we are all here.

Be good to yourself, free yourself, learn to pleasure yourself without giving up intimacy with another…and so much more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYUatzmcyDY&feature=youtu.be

Desteni.Org

EqualMoney.Org

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What happens to children when they pass over from this physical dimension of earth? Why are they protected?

He did not embrace heaven, why?

What part are they playing in existence as a whole?

This is a fascinating account of a young boy who died of cancer at the age of 7, what he found on the other side and his understanding of what is going on in (what was) heaven and earth. He did find stability with other children that had passed.

Then something happened!

It was something ‘…we’ve all been waiting for…I knew, in a way, everything would be ok….’

‘The answer… to ourselves, to the return to ourselves…’

Enjoy this amazing story! http://youtu.be/yCFO2J4Ii7M

January 2011

2011 – First Blog: My Process at Deteni

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/06/first-blog-my-process-at-desteni-journal-jan-411/

2011 – my process…SHUT UP

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/07/my-process-shut-up/

2011 – Loser and Gossip

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/10/loser-and-gossip/

2011 – Humiliation and the Money System

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/11/humiliation-and-the-money-system/

2011 – Good Intentions

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/11/good-intentions/

2011 – How I am not real…I change moment to moment

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/13/how-i-am-not-real-i-change-moment-to-moment/

2011 – My master fear shouts ‘hurry up’

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/14/my-master-fear-shouts-hurry-up/

2011 – hate and murder…it’s right there inside of me

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/19/hate-and-murder-its-right-there-inside-of-me/

2011 – News:  Horrible images of the dead but I am numb

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/20/news-horrible-images-of-the-dead-but-i-am-numb/

2011 – Egomania

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/23/egomania/

2011 – Fear of Standing Up

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/23/fear-of-standing-up/

2011 – A Disaplined Life

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/25/a-disciplined-life/

2011 – The Existing Money System and Debt

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/01/28/the-existing-money-system-and-debt/

February 2011

2011 – Fear of Attack:  My Process with Desteni

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/02/05/fear-of-attack-my-process-with-desteni/

2011 – My Friend Pika:  Process, A First

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/02/07/my-friend-pika-process-a-first/

2011 – I Am One Vote For World Equality

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/02/08/i-am-one-vote-for-world-equality/

2011 – Self Trust & Common Sense

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/02/12/self-trust-common-sence/

2011 – Joy

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/02/14/joy/

2011 – Sugar Addiction

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/02/17/sugar-addiction/

2011 – Starting to Experience Life

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/02/23/starting-to-experience-life/

2011 – Why on Earth-lyrics

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/02/27/why-on-earth-by-sandy-jones-and-peter-linesman/

March 2011

2011 – Dropping the Ball and Chain

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/03/04/dropping-the-ball-and-chain/

2011 – Exploiting Cheap Labor: Does Ignorant = Innocent?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/03/08/exploiting-cheap-labour-does-ignorant-innocent/

2011 – Comparison; Woman Against Woman

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/03/10/comparison-woman-against-woman/

2011 – Process: Changes

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/03/14/process-changes/

April 2011

2011 – Process: Facing my Fears…uh oh…Huge Step Back

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/04/12/process-facing-my-fears-uh-oh-huge-step-back/

2011 – I Fear Smoking: Self Forgiveness

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/04/12/process-facing-my-fears-uh-oh-huge-step-back/

2011 – I Fear Losing Money:  Self Forgiveness

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/04/12/process-facing-my-fears-uh-oh-huge-step-back/

2011 – Are We Not ALL Princes Among Men?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/04/21/are-we-all-not-princes-among-men/

May 2011

2011 – Al-Queda Recruits: What am I  Missing Here?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/05/01/al-queda-recruits-what-am-i-missing-here/

2011 – My Experience with the Real Estate Career Scam

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/05/03/my-experience-with-the-real-estate-career-sham/

2011 – Canadian Election Shocker:  Hope for future equality…in the future

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/05/03/canadian-election-surprise-hope-for-future-equality-in-the-future/

2011 – Why didn’t I take my Kids to Cool ‘Singalong’ Classes when They were Young?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/05/14/why-didnt-i-take-my-kids-to-cool-singalong-classes-when-they-were-young/

2011 – I Hate My Husband;   Anger/Blame

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/05/17/i-hate-my-husband-angerblame/

2011 – The End is Here, yes the end of BS with an Equal Money System

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/05/21/the-end-is-here-yes-the-end-of-bs-with-an-equal-money-system/

2011 – Banking: Price Increases…Insatiable Greed

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/05/31/banking-price-increases-no-one-asked-me/

2011 – Sport:  Competition Destroys the Self Esteem of the large majority of our Children

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/05/31/sport-competition-destroys-the-self-esteem-of-large-majority-of-our-children/

2011 – Music:  Beyonce Is A Bully

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/05/31/music-beyonce-is-a-bully/

June 2011

2011 – Why Sex Sells

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/06/10/why-sex-sells/

2011 – Mind Control – Cult – Beware !

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/06/10/mind-control-cult-beware/

2011 – MultiNational Greed and the Ugly Result

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/06/11/multinational-greed-and-the-ugly-result/

2011 – Causes of Poverty-Shocking Worldwide Statistics

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/06/14/causes-of-poverty-worldwide-statistics-shocking/

2011 – Vanity & Me:  Self Forgiveness on the Beauty System

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/06/24/vanity-me-process-self-forgiveness-on-the-beauty-system/

2011 – Realizations!  Fear of Aging

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/06/25/realizations-fear-of-aging/

July 2011

2011 – Why I Stand for Equal Money and World Equality

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/07/01/why-i-stand-for-equal-money-and-world-equality/

2011 – Emotions and Re-defining ‘Beauty’

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/07/02/emotions-and-re-defining-beauty/

2011 – Where ‘God’ led me:  An Exurpt from a Case Study on Alcoholism

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/07/17/where-god-led-me-an-exurpt-from-a-casestudyblog-on-alcoholism/

2011 – Loss:  What I now realize.  What I will now accept and what I will not accept.

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/07/17/loss-what-i-now-realize-what-i-will-and-will-not-accept-and-allow/

2011 – The Road To Hell is Paved With Good Intentions

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/07/26/the-road-to-hell-is-paved-with-good-intentions/

2011 – Quantum Self Realizations

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/07/26/quantum-self-realizations/

August 2011

2011 – Jealousy:  My Sister got the Family Cottage

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/08/15/jealousy-my-sister-got-the-family-cottage/

2011 – Regret:  The talk with my Dad

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/08/16/regret-the-talk-with-my-dad/

2011 – Trigger Points:  Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/08/17/trigger-points-self-forgiveness-and-corrective-statement/

2011 – Life as Survival of the Fittest Versus Life in an Equal Money System

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/08/21/life-as-survival-of-the-fittest-versus-life-within-an-equal-money-system/

2011 – Equal Money is Not Communism

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/08/21/equal-money-is-not-communism/

Septmeber 2011 

2011 – What Happens when I Accept an Idea of ‘God’?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/09/06/what-happens-when-i-accept-an-idea-of-god/

2011 – Experiences Keep Us Stuck

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/09/08/experiences-keep-us-stuck/

2011 – Self Forgiveness:  Self Sabotage:  The point of Inferiority

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/09/21/self-forgiveness-self-sabotage-the-point-of-inferiority/

2011 – Self Forgiveness:  Self Sabotage:  Assumptions

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/09/22/self-forgiveness-self-sabotage-assumptions/

2011 – Self Forgiveness Book:  Childhood:  Thought Patterns

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/09/28/self-forgiveness-book-childhoodthought-patterns/

October  2011

2011 – Childhood Patterns:  Inhibitions

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/childhood-patterns-inhibition/

2011 – Poverty & Pregnancy

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/10/06/poverty-and-pregnancy/

2011 – Childhood Memories:  Humiliation

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/10/08/childhood-memories-humiliation/

2011 – Self Forgiveness:  Childhood Memories:  Submissive Women

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/10/14/sf-childhood-memories-submissive-women/

2011- Unplanned Pregnancy & Equal Money

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/10/16/unplannedunwanted-pregnancy-and-equal-money/

2011 – FAQ:  Will Indigenous People Preserve their ‘Rights’ to live Outside the System?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/10/25/will-indigenous-people-preserve-their-rights-to-live-outside-of-the-system/

2011 – FAQ Equal Money:  Will I have to Wait in Line for Bread?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/10/27/faq-equal-money-will-i-have-to-wait-in-line-for-bread/

2011 – The Future of Money 2012:  Will There Be Banks in an Equal Money System?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/10/29/the-future-of-money-2012-will-there-be-banks-in-an-equal-money-system/

November 2011

2011 – Self Forgiveness on Childhood:  Thought Patterns:  Fear of Men

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/03/self-forgiveness-on-childhood-fear-of-men-thought-patterns/

2011 – Process:  Letting Go of my Relationship Personality

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/04/process-letting-go-of-my-relationship-personality/

2011 – Self Forgiveness:  Thought Patterns:  Boyfriends

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/07/self-forgiveness-boyfriends-thought-patterns/

2011 – Self Forgiveness:  High School Girlfriends

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/10/self-forgiveness-high-school-girlfriends/

2011 – Self Forgiveness:  Thought Patterns:   Family-In-Laws

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/13/sf-thought-patterns-family-in-laws/

2011 – Self Forgiveness:  Thought Patterns:  My Father’s Drinking

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/20/self-forgiveness-childhood-memories-thought-patterns-my-fathers-drinking/

2011 – FAQ:  Equal money System:  Are you just going to print cash?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/20/faq-equal-money-system-are-you-going-to-just-print-cash/

2011 – FAQ:  Equal Money System:  Will there be Euthanasia?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/20/faq-equal-money-system-will-there-be-euthanasia/

2011 – FAQ:  Equal Money System 2020:  BIG (Basic Income Grant)

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/20/faq-equal-money-system-2020-basic-income-grant/

2011 – Process:  Fantasies of Older Men: Realizations and Self Corrective Statements

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/11/27/so-many-men-so-little-time-realizations-and-self-corrective-statements-re-fantasies/

December 2011

2011 – Self Forgiveness:  Thought Patterns:  Teen/Young Adult

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/12/07/memories-thought-patterns-self-forgiveness/

2011 – FAQ:  Equal Money System 2020:  No more cheap glasses that ruin your eyes!

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/12/07/faq-equal-money-system-2020-no-more-cheap-glasses-that-ruin-your-eyes/

2011 – FAQ:  The End of Weapons Production with Equal Money

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/12/10/faq-the-end-of-weapons-production-with-equal-money/

2011 – FAQ:  Equal Money System 2020:  No More OWS (Occupy Wall Street)

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/12/12/faq-equal-money-system-2020-no-more-owsoccupy-wall-street/

2011 – FAQ:  Equal Money System 2020:  Free World Travel

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/12/12/faq-equal-money-system-2020-free-world-travel/

2011 – FAQ:  Equal Money System 2020:  No more Deepak Chopra

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/12/13/faq-equal-money-system-2020no-more-deepak-chopra/

2011 – Self Forgiveness on Use of Sleep Aids

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/12/24/self-forgiveness-on-use-of-sleep-aids/

2011 – Self Forgiveness on Alcoholism

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2011/12/30/self-forgiveness-on-alcoholism/

January 2012

2012 – Self Forgiveness on ‘Happy” Childhood Memories

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/02/self-forgiveness-on-happy-childhood-memories/

2012 – Self Forgiveness As Last Life

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/05/self-forgiveness-as-last-life/

2012 – Self Forgiveness As Another:  The Money System

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/06/self-forgiveness-as-another-the-money-system/

2012 – Self Forgiveness As Another:  Parents, siblings, world systems, other

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/08/2011-self-forgiveness-as-another-parents-siblings-world-systems-other/

2012 – Self Forgiveness:  Karma

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/08/self-forgiveness-karma/

2012 – Self Forgiveness on Magic:  The Role of Time

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/10/self-forgiveness-on-magic-the-role-of-time/

2012 – 2012 Why I Could Hear the Desteni Message

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/21/2012-why-i-could-hear-the-desteni-message/

2012 – 2012 Is it more than a Prediction? Is it the End?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/20/2012-is-it-more-than-a-prediction-is-it-the-end/

2012 – 2012 Are you truly Alone? Where is the Savior?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/24/2012-are-you-truly-alone-where-is-the-savior/

2012 – 2012: Facing the Religion of Self

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/2012-facing-the-religion-of-self/

February 2012

2012 – 2012: What Does it Mean to Live Absolute?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/02/07/2012-what-does-it-mean-to-live-absolute/

2012 – 2012:  Will You Survive the Financial Collapse?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/02/07/2012-will-you-survive-the-financial-collapse/

2012 – Eckhart Tolle’s New Earth:  Did I take that seriously?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/02/21/2012-eckhart-tolles-new-earth-did-i-take-that-seriously/

2012 – History of the Interdimentional Portal

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/02/23/history-of-the-interdimentional-porta/

March 2012

2012 – Wayne Dyer’s ‘Power of Intention’ What Purpose Does it Serve?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/03/03/2012-wayne-dyers-the-power-of-intention-what-purpose-does-it-serve/

2012 – Economics: Ownership: The Lie that Kills

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/03/05/economics-ownership-the-lie-that-kills/

2012 – Secrets of Masturbation: Why even talk about it? Isn’t anything private anymore?

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/03/08/secrets-of-masturbation-why-even-talk-about-this-isnt-anything-private-anymore/

2012 – ‘A Course in Miracles’ :  The miracle did nothing to improve my life

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/03/06/2012-a-course-in-miracles-the-miracle-did-not-improve-my-life/

2012 – Voices in the Mind are Deception Not a Higher Power

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/03/31/voices-in-the-mind-are-deception-not-a-higher-power/

April 2012

2012 – W. Dyer:  Looking at “The Power Of Intention”

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/04/05/w-dyer-looking-at-the-power-of-intention/

2012 – Re-defining Education:  Social Develpment 1 to 6 months

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/re-education-social-development-1-to-6-months/

2012 – Healing Resentment: I’m So Pissed at My Husband!

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/04/09/healing-resentment-im-so-pissed-at-my-husband/

2012 – Sandy’s Journey To Life:  Day 1:  Resistance

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/04/27/sandys-journey-to-life-day-1-resistance/

2012 – Sandy’s Journey To Life:  Day 2:  Failed Relationships

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/04/29/sandys-journey-to-life-day-2-failed-relationships/

May 2012

2012 – Day 3:  I Hate that Rich Bitch:  Facing Jealousy, Regret, Spite

https://sandymacgillivray.wordpress.com/2012/05/07/day-3-i-hate-that-rich-bitch-jealousy-regret-spite/

2012   Day 4: Failed Relationships: Facing My Father

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/05/11/day-4-failed-relationships-beginning-facing-my-father/

2012 – Day 5: Failed Relationships: Facing my Father 2

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/05/13/day-5-failed-relationships-facing-my-father-2/

2012 – Day 6: Failed Realtionships: My Mom: Being Bitchy to Store Clerks and My Partner

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/05/16/day-6-failed-relationships-my-mom/

2012 – Day 7: Facing my Father 3 : Little Girls are Inferior

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/day-7-facing-my-father-3-little-girls-are-inferior/

2012 – Day 8:  Failed Relationships: Rushing

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/05/23/day-8-failed-relationships-rushing/

2012 – Day 9: Personality Patterns: I Am Mom

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/05/26/day-9-personality-patterns-i-am-mom/

2012 – Day 10: Personality Patterns: I Am Mom the Protector

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/05/28/day-10-my-mom-personality-cont/

June 2012

2012 – Day 11: Mom as the possession of Worry

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/06/02/day-11-personalities-mom-as-the-possession-of-worry/

2012 – Day 12: Me as Mom: Summer Camp for the Rich

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/06/06/day-12-me-as-mom-summer-camp-for-the-rich/

2012 – Day 13: Facing Me as Mom: The Wicked Wealthy Ski Chalet

http://sandysjourneytolife.wordpress.com/2012/06/09/day-13-facing-personalities-mom-exclusive-ski-chalet/

There are two main reasons why I could hear the Desteni message.

First, there were many things I suppressed from childhood and young adulthood that Desteni spoke about in a common sense way that I found to be validating and awakened my, long since abandoned, sense of  self-trust.  Why do we blatantly ignore the suffering and death of so many millions of helpless children and obviously vulnerable people in our world?  Why do we not change our systems of economy and distribution of food and goods and services so this is corrected?  Why do we throw our hands in the air and say it is impossible to feed/take care of each other as one family? Why do people get pissed off when I try to talk about it? Why do we not see the evil of capitalism? Why do we spend trillions of dollars on an arms race that can never be ‘won’?  Why is ‘God’ unfair? Why do we die? Why is it not ‘right’ to question ‘God’?  Does God want children born with cerebral palsy? Why should I think/accept this is a loving God? Who’s God is ‘right’?   Why don’t the people who live with extreme abundance share with others the have nothing  and say one should learn and earn, yet they pass down this wealth from generation to generation-through a bull shit excuse called ‘birthright’?  Why don’t we change the rules to what is best for all ? I could go on and on and on.

Desteni does not manipulate and discuss these and several other issues with a silver tongue or kid gloves, neither in self interest. This group tackles these ‘difficult’ issue head on, no mincing of words. I appreciated that right away and felt empowered because I wanted answers to the devastation I saw in my world. Desteni does not offer information without a solution, I appreciated that too.  Desteni advocates for an Equal Money System to be implemented in our world.  Equality, real equality. Ok, I thought, I’ll keep reading and listening to these video interviews. Some of the interviews were done through a portal. The reason I had no problem with the portal, after I watched a few and accepted they were valid, is my second reason I could hear the Desteni message, which I will discuss shortly.

I watched the Jesus interviews and Audrey Hepburn interviews first. I have not reviewed them for awhile but what sticks with me is they were both consistent with the main message.  They both spoke about self responsibility and that human beings had ‘missed the mark’ regarding what is important in life-we have life ‘upside down’. Basically, that each person is responsible for the mess we have created here on earth, as a whole, and that each and every one must face themselves, see/be aware of self, apply self forgiveness and walk the self corrective path in each moment of each breath, if we are to make the changes necessary to survive.

Jesus said we are all the same, including himself, although he came to earth with a knowing and understanding and ‘seeing’ ability that we do not have, at this time . Unfortunately, his simple message of ‘love they neighbor as thyself’ and ‘do unto others as you would have them do unto you’ has not been heeded.  Now that all made sense to me. Audrey Hepburn drove home for me that, I too, am guilty, by participation and acceptance, of all the worlds current problems. I wanted to point fingers, still do, and blame and hate and be angry but as I learn to stand as one as all as equal this does not make sense and must be stopped, within myself first, that is my responsibility.

The second reason I listened to Desteni was I had experienced problems with my mind. I had experienced/heard voices in my head and listened to them until I was quite insane. I could not sleep and was barely able to function. I medicated myself with alcohol but then became an alcoholic. These voices seemed to ‘know’ things that were impossible and predicted things that quickly came true, several unexplainable things occurred to me over the years, the voices/communication terrified me at night so I also took sleep medication. I was able to ‘pull my self back together’ over a number of years so I was, once again, a  fully functional human being but subsequently questioned the sanity of ‘believing in/worshiping/trusting’ a creator that could produce such a fuck up. It was not that ‘difficult’ to become broken after all, it was not such extreme behavior that led to my ‘sickness’. I had obsessed, gone into, delved into my mind too deeply is all. Not suggesting that is the proper thing to do, of course it is not, but I thought no wonder so many people are mentally ill!  And so many people sadly kill themselves when hearing voices. So tragic and unecessary. I stopped the voices by simply stopping my mind=I did not listen to thoughts!  The booze helped tremendously ( sober 8 years now) and then belief in a ‘higher power’=spiritualism but mostly I did not listen to my mind and engage in the act of ‘thinking’ and it literally stopped the insanity. This occurred slowly over several years. But then, the question, ‘ what and why had this happened to me?’

I never went the medical-traditional route. They have little understanding of the mind. Thank god I didn’t. I would have been labled schizophrenic and given pills. I understand I self medicated. And I’m sure years of therapy with people who do not know about the mind!  They would try to ‘figure it out’ my mind/the mind.  I would have felt humiliated and ‘less than’. Desteni has make me  realize I am whole now, I need not ‘ascend’ any spiritual steps, I need not listen to or ‘figure out’ my mind.

So when I found the Desteni site I soon discovered they spoke about and explained the mind!  What a huge relief to me to find out I wasn’t crazy and wasn’t broken or I hadn’t crossed some spiritual line that was sacred. I was completely validated in that the mind is a program and everything in existence is in me already. Desteni has shown me that I had accessed -by mistake- thoughts that have been programmed into me and that it is not my ‘fault’ but it is my responsibility to stop the mind as it is not ‘life’ and is in fact what has caused all the fuck ups in this world through participating in thoughts, feelings and emotions. I do not need to be a slave to my ‘personality’ or my pre-programmed life, that is not who I am.

I am life ‘here’ in this moment of breath and I am learning to live this way. It is a process that is challenging but giving my life meaning beyond anything I ever imagined. I am becoming free of what I thought I was slave to: society, religion, being a woman in a man’s world, feeling alone in what I considered an insane world, fear of death, fear of poverty-or more accurately being middle class slave, addiction, fear of standing up/speaking up, fear of life, fear of myself-not being able to trust myself .

I trust myself more and more. Desteni has given me this, invaluable!

Thank you Desteni. I stand with you. I am one vote for an Equal Money System and World Equality!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that magic-quantum time is possible. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I could handle reality in quantum time (instant manifestation of a thought or the spoken word). I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to go into an energetic reaction of fear when I think of actually being responsible for quantum time, lol I’d have the whole world gone a ‘poof’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist as and within continual timeloops as time as energy, going in circular within life as I exist in and as the mind, never slowing down enough to be a real creator of my world/reality but running in circles, no matter if I do things ‘differently’, with always the same outcome.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to continually add more and more knowledge and information in and as my mind and not consider it is how I use this information-move and effect an outcome with and as it- (not whether I understand it) that is key to not ending up back at the beginning, over and over to infinity, so not really expanding, becoming, creating myself beyond what /who I am now .

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be influenced by fear 1000 times a day as I think, ‘damn, I’m getting older, I look older, I am tired because I’m older, I’m gaining weight because I’m older now, my hair is more grey, my knee hurts because of my age as older, I shouldn’t do x because I am older now, the women at the school are younger, they look better, I’ll move to a smaller house with no mortgage because I’m getting older, …… ( Note: these thoughts are layered…but they are they, it is indeed extensive!) so forever being enslaved/trapped in my mind in a story, sequence of pre-programmed events of a ‘lifetime’ and never being /experiencing/creating LIFE as me , who I am ‘here’ in each breath, as one and equal to all that exist!

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as a picture in a picture world and myself as a story in a timeline, as a seed with the timeline rolled up within it (taken from a Desteni vlog, lol, fascinating) and as the timeline unravels and the seed grows, it indeed has an end, and I as the story, end… who made that nasty bit up?!  Lol.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the patterns my mind has trapped me into,  closed patterns, as in a circle, not really learning/growing/evolving but compromising myself more and more, letting ‘things beyond my control’ go because I am powerless, and after all people don’t like/won’t like me ‘if I’m like that ‘ as in difficult to be around because I question the way human beings exist on this planet–because I am getting older and only have so much time, and apparently ‘energy’ so I get tired more, so ‘let the young ones change the world’ too late for me’ and I abdicate my responsibility for the state of this world as a protector/stuart of this world because of a goddamn story line/timeline to which I am bound and ‘helpless’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to let myself be duped by my ego and directed by fear of loss, believing in my ‘personality’, thinking, ‘I don’t want them not to like me, I’ll be lonely, unhappy, desolate, friendless and perhaps I will need them and I may become poor and homeless and OMG I NEED them, I’ll shut up.’ and so not speak up about the atrocities I see in this world.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that time-quantum time or earth/space time-is all energy and I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, ‘I cannot live without energy, I am energy, I am light’ regulating the movement of and as knowledge and information / the unfolding of events in space/time within vibration=energy.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have the system of karma, as consequence, exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have karma exist within and as me manifesting as knee pain/problems in my left knee and somewhat in my right knee as carrying the past of relationships with boyfriends and my ex-husband. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to have karma exist within and as me manifesting as knee pain/problems in my left knee and somewhat in my right knee as carrying the past of relationships with family members and friends, employers, acquaintances.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to believe that karma exists and I must manifest consequence within my world as my ‘experiences’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think I must face my karma at the point of death, as in spiritual ascension-to ‘go to the next level of enlightenment’- instead of facing  the consequence of my actions responsibly ‘here’ in each moment, which is common sense.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe I can achieve some certain ‘vibration’ level so that I magically do not have to face my karma self honestly, in each ‘moment’ ‘here’ on earth, in a responsible way that is best for all life.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not face myself in self honestly and face my fears as to why I ‘hide’ and not ‘look’ at what I have created in the moment as karma as consequence in each moment.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to want a savior/magic/god/master/husband/boss to do the dirty work for me, ‘fix’ me, so that I do not have to face myself, in self honesty, face my fears head on without hiding/in full view, face my karma all alone, so it is ‘easy’ and I can continue hiding, resulting in me forever being subject to a master/slave relationship, bound in dependency and so not living self honestly as one and equal to all other human beings and existence in it’s entirety.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and to believe I am too tired, frightened, weak, small, stupid, old to face my karma by myself and to eliminate this system in each moment ‘here’, as I birth myself as life in the physical.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think and to believe I am ‘special’, important, different, deserving, more ‘enlightened’ than others, divine, because of acquired knowledge and information ,when in self honesty I am only lost in ‘delusions of grandeur’ believing I am now no longer subject to ‘The Law of Karma’ in each moment of creation as life ‘here’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by fear for my children and husband thinking , ‘I need to ‘save’ them because they do not know about living in self honestly ‘here’ in each moment with breath and must face their consequence as karma and manifest that consequence’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by fear in not trusting my process and trusting that I am a living example to my children and husband and ‘telling’ them /badgering them about the Desteni I Process only pushes them away. Instead I accept and allow myself to be patient with my  process of self realization and self awareness and through ‘standing’ in each moment in self honesty, be a living example to all human beings, in equality and not in separation as in ‘specialness’ of family system existent on earth at this time.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of sitting on my Mom’s knee with my sister beside me bring up the thought, ” My Mom is nice, I feel safe with her as she was quite consistent in her behavior toward me and my siblings, she was a kind parent.”

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of sitting beside my Mom, on a christmas eve, reading ‘the night before christmas’ as we did each year bringing up the thought, ‘I felt safe and warm and comforted by this ritual with my Mom, she made christmas ‘special’ and fun, I felt/feel loved by her.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of my Mom in a classroom full of young girls where she was the teacher of an after school class, bringing up the thought, ‘All the girl, and my friends, like my Mom and think I am ‘lucky’ to have such a nice Mom. I am proud of her as she is the teacher of a ‘fun’ class, not ‘real’ school. They are right, she is a ‘good’ parent. I feel ‘happy’ and secure with her.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of my parents before one of their parties, my Mom putting on make-up as I watched in the bathroom bringing up the thought, ‘She looks so pretty in her beautiful, sparkly dress that she made, I will put on make-up when I am older and look pretty too.’ and ‘I am happy that my Dad is happy and silly dancing around before his friends get here. He is always in a good mood before a party. I feel happy because I am safe with him now, he is not mean and drunk and picking on me or my bothers and sister.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of being at the cottage in the winter, my Dad unpacking the car after shoveling his way into the cottage and my Mom unpacking boxes in that are on the kitchen table, the sound of my Dad pouring  the coal into the little stove as it slowly heats up the little charming cottage on a freezing cold Ontario winter night bringing up the thought, ‘It’s fun at the cottage. I feel safe with my Dad as he is not drunk and in a ‘good’ mood because it is christmas holidays. He loves the cottage and is happy when we come here. I love playing with my dog and cat and cousins at the cottage. We play ‘spoons’ and laugh alot as the adult play bridge in the other cottage. We go skiing and tobogganing and ski-doing,  make snow forts, eat icicles, have snowball fights and it is so fun. I am safe/safer here at the cottage than at home.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of lying in bed at the cottage being cold, in the middle of the night and  hearing that familiar sound of my Dad pouring in the coal into the stove and then jumping into bed with my parents, in between them and being warm and cozy bringing up the thought, ‘My Mom and Dad keep me warm, I feel safe my Mom is here, I can sleep now.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of my parents good friends at the cottage, drinking and laughing and having a good time with each other and all the kids, playing games, roasting a pig, singing at the bonfire, drinking, being down at the dock in their bathing suits, swimming, going for a boat ride, sailing, bbq-ing, helping my Dad, bringing up the thought, ‘I like my parents friends, they have fun, they like to drink, they have fun when they drink, it is a part of the day and makes it more fun, they are nice to me and silly and laugh alot, I like to play with their children, it is good and safe here at the cottage, my parents a re happy when they are with their friends, this is what adults do and it is good, my Dad is happy and nice when his friends are here, I feel more safe when his friends are here.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of being at L and P’s cottage with the kids at their beach and we are swimming and sea-doing and decided to be innocent like the kids and be nudists for the week, bringing up the thought, ‘I was so ‘happy’ at their cottage, so free and felt so safe, they ‘think’ the same way I do and we explored so many topics of how to be effective parents and human beings and laughed and read and relaxed and ate well and exercised. I wish I could live like that always. They were good friends. They are wealthy and that is what wealth in this world offers, the time and ability to express oneself in self honesty. I wish I could do that everyday and everyone could. It is sad I no longer see them.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of being at the ‘chalet’, when I was married to my children’s father, with his family bring up the thought, ‘It was so relaxing and I felt so safe being with C’s family. They have a lot of money and I felt safe knowing I would ‘inherit’ this money and this lifestyle. I miss the community of this family unit and the fun playing games, skiing, drinking, laughing, eating expensive food, being in opulent surroundings.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of my Mom ‘tucking’ me in each night when I was a young girl saying, ‘Night, night, don’t let the bed bugs bite’, bringing up the thought, ‘I love/respect my Mom. I always felt ‘loved’ and cared for and safe each night she tucked me in with these words and a kiss. I am glad I repeated this ‘tradition (not the phrase) and spent time at my children’s bedtime to read them a story,  talk to them, cuddle and tuck them in, even if I was drinking.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of myself as a little girl saying my nightly prayers in my little bed in my little room feeling safe and cozy and thanking ‘god’ that everyone was safe and everything was ‘ok’, bring up the thought, ‘I wish life was that simple and innocent now.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of being in the car with my parents and siblings driving in a neighborhood that had smaller houses (probably in the city, I grew up in the suburbs) and thinking, ‘I don’t like these little, old houses, they are ugly. I am lucky and safe my family has money and it is good because we have a big, pretty house and no problems, money is good and important. I don’t like apartments. I feel sorry for families who have no money and have to live in an ugly apartment. My dad is a doctor (chiropractor) and it is good because he makes a lot of money and we don’t have to live like that.’ Note: very naive ‘thoughts’, I understand that now.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of my father in his office (I worked there a few summers/holidays) and thinking, “My dad is a good chiropractor, he is kind and generous to people who can’t afford his service. His patients love him, I love him for that.  He is ‘happy/content’ in his work place, it is important to like your job like he does. I like being here, it is productive and a warm atmosphere. He makes a lot of money quite easily, that is a very good thing for our family. I am glad he gives to charity so it is ok our family has everything and more.’ Note: total self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of our family driving/walking to church Sunday mornings, hearing my Dad sing the hymns, he often exaggerated his voice to be ‘funny’, and thinking, ‘Church is boring but my Dad is ‘happy’ here so I’ll be quiet and not complain like my brothers and sister. He is fun and light hearted here and comforted because my grandpa was a minister and it brings back memories of his childhood seeing/hearing his Dad at the front of the church. I like my grandparents. I don’t get church, oh well.’

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a picture in my mind of christmases up north with my grandparents and cousins in my grandparents tiny home or at the Inn we would gather for a dinner and thinking, ‘That was so much fun seeing everyone and receiving gifts, sleeping over at my cousins and having home made egg nog sunday morning before going to church where my grandfather would often be the minister. I like all these people and feel safe with them. The adults don’t drink in front of my grandparents because my grandmother thinks alcohol is of the devil, that is so funny and all the kids laugh about it and we laugh at all her ‘old fashion’ ideas and it is snowy and there are pretty christmas lights everywhere and school is out soon for two weeks. I like my life. I like it that my dad does not drink here. He is nice when he doesn’t drink. I feel safe when he doesn’t drink. Everyone likes him when he doesn’t drink. I wish he would never drink.’