Posts Tagged ‘intent’

THOUGHT:  I should never have told my Dad to sell the cottage to one of his children

Trigger points

*Summer * Memories of the wedding-Muskoka theme *Muskoka-cottaging –seeing advertisements,chairs,commercials etc.

REALIZATIONS  I realize  the ‘season’ temperature outside being warm is just that-warm and does not have to relate to anything. I realize I can enjoy being outside when the temperature is warm, anywhere I happen to be at the  moment. I realize, one day –we, the beings here on earth-may be able to control the climate so one is comfortable all the time.  I realize memories and pictures, that pop up in my mind, when I think of my nephews wedding do not have to control me, that I can be the directive principal of me in the moment. I realize the company that helped my nephew with their wedding plans probably asked/suggested they ‘pick a theme ‘ to work with. I realize it is me going into/being directed by self-pity, self-abuse, self-punishment and self-victimization when I connect Spencer’s wedding with the cottage, and the day was about celebrating the union between the two beings and not me!! Lol!

I realize seeing advertisements/ items for sale/etc. for anything ‘Muskoka’ is just that –marketing to sell stuff I don’t have to let this outside image control me.

I realize , with the DIP course, I am in actual fact changing how I react to other beings, memories, images to become the self directive principal of myself ‘here’ with the breath.

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SELF CORRECTIVE STATEMENT  Whenever the summer weather, memories of Spencer’s wedding theme, or seeing/hearing Muskoka advertising,  trigger the thought,  ‘I should have never told my Dad to sell the cottage to one of his children’, I stop, I breath. I no longer accept and allow myself to be directed by thoughts of self-pity, self-victimization  and finger pointing. Instead I realize that I am ‘here’ and using the breath I bring myself back to the physical and out of the mind. I remind myself to be grateful for all I have and get back to the task at hand, whether it be work or play.

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Type of  Thought :  REGRET

Realizations:

I realize my regret of not owning the cottage is based  in self interest/ greed & as what is best for me and my family and in fear of the future as in not having enough money to protect myself and my family and not in what is best for all, as how I want to live today as a Destonian.

I realize this regret controls me in the form of thought , emotions and deed, in ways I do not want. I realize regret exists as and within me and feeds off of my physical human body and grows and extents outward to influence my children (and others)  so the ‘sins of the father’ are passed on from one generation to another. I realize this regret is from fear and becomes anger-an angry/dangerous demon who, at any given moment, will change and become vicious and perhaps violent/ vile and will do many things to  protect me,  my world and my family and doesn’t care about the fate of others.

I realize regret is an emotion existing within my own mind-it has no reality of it’s own. I am letting something that is not real control me so I am not really participating /directing myself in an effective way within my world.

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SELF CORRECTIVE STATEMENT

Whenever I go into an energetic reaction of regret when I have the thought, ‘I should never have told my Dad to sell the cottage to one of his children’, I stop, I breath. I no longer accept and allow myself to focus on  thoughts and emotions based on self-pity about the past and fear of the future. Instead I bring myself back ‘here’ to the physical and know this is where I am effectively directing myself. I remind myself of all I am grateful for and the many ways to enjoy nature, in my current situation, on my own or with my family. I stop all forms of self-abuse and self-victimization  and get on with the task at hand. I remind myself how grateful I am to be part of the change toward an equal money , which will bring about an opportunity for all to enjoy nature and live without fear of not owning  ‘assets’ like buildings or land. The physical cannot be ‘owned’, it just is.

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Self-Forgiveness on the memory

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory exist within and as me of me and my Dad talking, at the cottage, about selling the cottage to one of his children.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of talking to my Dad about selling the cottage thinking he needed my guidance to make a ‘good’ decision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of talking to my Dad about selling the cottage in which I was sitting in the main room, looking over the lake and to have this memory exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of talking to my Dad about selling the cottage when I was intoxicated with liquour and thinking it would be ‘shared’ among my siblings and myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of talking to my Dad about selling the cottage and feeling ‘inferior’ and ‘sorry for myself’ now that the reality of the situation that I have no access to the cottage, has set in.

Self-Forgiveness on reason for holding on to the memory:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of taking to my Dad about selling the cottage to one of his children so that I can remain in a ‘victim’ self pity’ role in my life, forever stuck in timeloops, playing the jealous thoughts over and over in my mind, as to not move on, take responsibility for my actions in my life, so not move as the directive principal of ‘me’ instead stuck in regret of the past, so my ‘here’ is actually thoughts of the past and  creates my future from the starting point of the past regret.

Self-Forgiveness on connection to the thought:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a memory of taking to my Dad about selling the cottage to one of his children to the thought, ‘I should have never told my Dad to sell the cottage to one of his children.’

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Realizations/ Self-Corrective Statements

I realise it is pointless/waste of time to hold onto a memory of talking with my father about selling the cottage.

I realise I had to go through the experience of alcoholism, loss of property, loss of marriage, loss of all my money , loss of myself= how I perceived myself to be as a human being (went ‘insane’ lost control of my mind) in order to bring me to a point where I could accept the truth of the Desteni message and pick myself up, to now stand one and equal with my world.

I realise I love-respect my father (he passed on) and do not want to focus on this memory of him.

I realise he was correct, it would have been ‘better’ to sell the cottage to someone outside the family-or I understand his concern now-thoughit does not matter to me , especially after doing this assignment.

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Whenever the memory of taking to my father about selling the cottage comes to my mind I stop, I breath. I no longer accept and allow myself to by possessed by this memory, to have it control me by bringing up harmful emotions and thoughts, to have it enslave me to the past as a ‘failure’ that I lost an opportunity for family time in a ‘beautiful’ setting and a valuable asset. Instead I bring myself back to the physical, to ‘here’ in each moment of each breath where I exist one and equal to all.

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I realise this memory keeps me trapped forever in a timeloop, destined to re-live the past by re-playing the ‘tape’ in the present and creating my future from this starting point of fear of loss/regret and jealousy.

I realise I have refused to stand up by holding onto this memory, by remaining in a victim role , self-pity role and not taking responsibility for my life and my actions. I can blame my father for ‘listening’ to me when I was drinking and ‘didn’t know better’, for favouring (in a material way) my sister over me, “she always got the ‘good stuff’, my parents spent more money on her and I was the ‘nicer’ of their 2 daughters, it’s not fair, whaaaaa, whaaaaa.”

I realise none of the self-pity does anything to change ‘what is’. It is a useless waste of my time and I no longer accept and allow myself to participate in thoughts of self-pity and self-victimization.

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Whenever the reasons of remaining in the timeloop of self victimization and so not taking responsibility for me as my thoughts, emotions and actions -regarding  the memory of talking with my father about selling the cottage- comes up, I stop and I breath. I realise  I no longer wish to live in this way as purely a system on ‘automatic’ enslaved by memories. I no longer accept and allow myself to point fingers at others or circumstances if I am dissatisfied about a situation. Instead I bring myself back to the physical, to ‘here’ in this moment of breath and I address whatever it is that is bothering me. I remind myself to be grateful for all I have and that I am not in need of anything but am in the process of birthing myself as life in the physical in which all my needs are met and participating in a solution that will bring about a world in which  each and every beings needs are met, one and equal.

The thought of fear that I am working with :  ” I should have never told my father to sell the cottage to one of his children.”

Self-Forgiveness on emotion/feeling:

Fear, Regret, Jealousy, anger, sadness, frustration, hatred, guilt, inferior, stupidity

SELF FORGIVENESS STATEMENTS:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled and directed by fear of loss in regards to my sister owning the cottage. The loss of money, the loss of possible vacation opportunites and the loss of self as ‘secure’ ‘’wealthy’ . I forgive myself  for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the loss of ‘being wealthy’ when hundreds of thousands of human beings/children in my world are starving to death, painfully  today. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enter an energetic  state of lethargy and self pity when I think there is nothing I can do about such a huge problem as people starving to death today. (just checked online; about 16,000 children a day, starve to death !!).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by this fear of loss in my life manifesting as regret, so that I am often having thoughts of regretting this past ‘mistake’ of speaking to my father, constantly having thoughts of regretting no vacation in the present and thoughts of regretting no cottage in the future, so always up in the head and not here at all being of service to my world and others in it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an energetic reaction of jealousy about  my sister owing the family cottage. To have this jealousy exist within and as me, to let it possess and control me to the point of self pity so I cannot see the serious strife of others in my world but exist only in self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an energetic reaction of anger about my sister owing the family cottage. To have this anger exist within and as me, to let it possess and control me to the point of self pity so I cannot see the serious strife of others in my world but exist only in self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an energetic reaction of sadness about my sister owing the family cottage. To have this sadness  exist within and as me, to let it possess and control me to the point of self pity so I cannot see the serious strife of others in my world but exist only in self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an energetic reaction of frustration  about my sister owing the family cottage. To have this frustration exist within and as me, to let it possess and control me to the point of self pity so I cannot see the serious strife of others in my world but exist only in self interest–to the point that I  am stuck/frozen in my mind of thoughts so forever destined to play out the past as it becomes my current reality and  future instead of existing here and dealing with how to ensure all beings  have a home/shelter/food and not worry about vacation properties  (but later I would, as all need to be surrounded by nature sometime).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an energetic reaction of hatred about my sister owing the family cottage. To have this hatred  exist within and as me, to let it possess and control me to the point of self pity so I cannot see the serious strife of others in my world but exist only in self interest. This hatred goes outward to the many people/relations I have that are quite wealthy and have a home/cottage./ski chalet/vacations/much savings  etc….and they protect it viciously (as I probably would have!).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an energetic reaction of guilt about my sister owing the family cottage. To have this guilt  exist within and as me, to let it possess and control me to the point of self pity so I cannot see the serious strife of others in my world but exist only in self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an energetic reaction of inferiority  about my sister owing the family cottage. To have this inferiority exist within and as me, to let it possess and control me to the point of self pity so I cannot see the serious strife of others in my world but exist only in self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an energetic reaction of inferiority  about my sister owing the family cottage. To have this inferiority  exist within and as me, to let it possess and control me to the point of self pity so I cannot see the serious strife of others in my world but exist only in self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an energetic reaction of stupidity about my sister owing the family cottage. To have this feeling of stupidity exist within and as me, to let it possess and control me to the point of self pity so I cannot see the serious strife of others in my world but exist only in self interest.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions. Eerily true.  Often, it is the work of the private mind-those thoughts inside your head no one else hears, an evil invention of God. How true with the case of the terrorist in Norway. I started reading a few newspaper articles this morning about the twisted mind of  Anders Behring Breivik and  it sounded all too familiar. IN HIS OWN MIND it all made perfect sense and was not cruel but necessary to bring about change, a better world. In fact, each and every country-the very fact that there are separate countries/peoples/cultures with lines which keep us separate called ‘boarders’-feel they are correct in protecting their ‘people’ ‘against’ other rouge nations and feel it is their ‘right’ and ‘duty’ to arm themselves but…the world is getting scarier. The world indeed, is getting sicker.

Good intentions, like when I watch volunteers in Haiti, after the earth quake, carrying a young girl whom they had ‘saved’ by amputating her legs, up, up , up, to the top of a very treacherous hill that was her home , and laying her on a bed and watching her sobbing , helpless as they left her there. I think of her often. I don’t think she had a wheelchair but if she did , it would be of little use.

Good intentions, like the Canadian woman in Winnipeg, requesting donations (and receiving alot) for Somalian farmers, whom she had assisted in providing money to get their farms started a number of years ago, but the problem is so great it will be too little too late. On the same newscast, it was reported Somalia needed 1 billion dollars in aid immediately to cope with the famine. A feeling of hopelessness overcame me. Could I afford to send them $100-50-10? Would they, these images of dying children I watched, receive it? Would it help? Would anything change so this never happens again? That would be my ‘intention’.

Good intentions, like the recent uprisings in the middle east.  Take to the streets, risk your life by speaking out publically, arm yourself and use violence to defend yourself in order to force change, bring down the current corrupt dictatorships to bring about a better life for all.  Many people died  with little significant lasting change
resulting.
 
Good intentions, like I had when I participated in planning my parents 50th wedding anniversary.  In my private mind I was full of jealous, angry thoughts about my sister who was hosting the party. Her home was large and plentiful, I could only contribute some pictures on large bristol boards, depicting each decade of my parents marriage .  By the time the event took place, I was so full of rage I got loaded and was dragged to a mental institution  at the end of the party (the police didn’t want me although they tried) .  However, my intention was to present something meaningful for my parents and guests to enjoy. I don’t think this comes to mind when my mother remembers that day.
 
So, what are we to do?  Is it hopeless, should we just exist within self interest because each road leads to ‘hell’?  No, we are together in this world and there is a solution.
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