Posts Tagged ‘rich’

I am interupting my blogs on failed relationships because I had such a strong reaction to a woman I saw in a coffee shop yesterday.  I was an aquaintance of hers years ago, our daughter’s were friedns in primary school. Point is, nothing happened, we do not say ‘hi’ to one another, doesn’t matter, it was just my reaction and explosion of backchat and emotion that I am concerned with and want expose and forgive so I can stop the pattern of reaction whenever I see a woman I know , or I don’t know, who represents rich bitch to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delude myself into believing a picture has any power to control me, represented as a woman with expensive clothing, jewelery, etc. defining who she is as life or who I am as life, as a woman, equal to just a role/actor in a movie to be shiny and pretty as a trophy for her husband and to make other women appear less than so she and she as me, may be rewarded with positive energy in the form of feeling better than. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to judge myself as less than/inferior to the  picture of this woman who always wears high heels and has very expensive hair style, huge house, drives a mercedes benz,  and thereby say to myself that I am nothing without wealth and without engaging/indulging in the hierarchical and  patriarchical systems of abuse that currently exist in this world. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by guilt in thinking, ‘I should not judge her as a rich bitch when I really do not know her, she seemed friendly/nice enough years ago’. I realize I do not judge her as much as not trust what she advertises herself to be as in involved in materialism and competition. I am in the process of removing myself from these world systems of beauty, competition, personal wealth for self interest. I realize we are one and equal in fact as she is me and not separate from and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect this woman to other woman I have known in my past thereby abusing myself with getting lost in memories in my mind which can harm me, bringing up thoughts and emotions of regret, spite, jealously about what material things I do not have (indulgences as I have all I need), trips I cannot take, shameful memories feeling less than with wealthy friends and family, comparing what I could get for /do for my young children versus what others could do for their children, and on and on desires/wants.

I commit myself, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective action, to remind myself that I am not a picture, nor is any other woman, and commit to not competing with any other woman for a man’s attention/desire/money by draping myself in money as fashion, jewelery, shoes, hair style, make-up but to examine my starting point when dressing that it is not to be more than another being but for comfort and practicality and enjoyment.  

I commit myself to never again judge myself as a loser/less than/average/inferior when seeing another being who is dressed to attract attention.  I commit myself to more and more withdrawing from the money system and world systems that state I, as a woman, must dress/look a certain way to be desirable or worthy and instead express my physicality in a way that is self-honest to me in the moment, whether it be for fun or sport or comfort, etc.  

I commit myself to not judge another being by their appearance and know I am as/equally responsible for the abuse of individuals being treated as less than/inferior, the abuse of human beings within the money system, the abuse of woman as sexualized by the media within/for profiting from selling sex/goods within the current money system.

   I commit myself, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective living, to staying ‘here’ in my awareness and not getting lost in my mind by connecting a wealthy woman in a coffee shop to memories, bringing up pictures in my mind, judgements/opinions, emotions of anger, jealousy, shame, guilt, regret, hatred, spitefulness, and continual thoughts.

I commit myself , when I see someone from my past who is a woman who is wealthy and physically adorning herself, to stop and breathe and simply say hello (whatever is appropriate) and to not judge her by the past and realize the truth that we are in fact one and equal and be an example of that.   Image

 I have had several ‘issues’ with woman, mostly groups of women, over the years. I am-was guilty of vicious gossip as well the target of-I do not accept and allow this behavior in myself anymore nor have I for many years. Today I have a few close ‘girlfriends’ and many respected other people in my life whom I socialize with and enjoy extensively.

The Lorne Park girls 1: These are the group of girls I was friends with in high school and beyond. Very judgmental group, somewhat competitive and snobby, extremely exclusive. I hung out with the ‘drama’ club crowd as well, who I found more ‘real’.

Memories: Thought Pattern:

I never got it. I never felt it. I liked them just fine but didn’t feel like crying because its so wonderful we’re friends and we’re all such lucky important group of girls, and we have to hug and touch each other alot because we’re all oh so close and loving. What a crock of shit that turned out to be. Once the ‘going got tough’ they dropped me like a ‘hot potato’ . Ha!  Because I had a problem-alcoholism- and I didn’t apologize properly to them.  I was fucking sick-its a mental and physical illness- I was not at the time capable! Anyway, I hate the fucking hypocritical bitches, I am embarrassed I was ‘one of them’. I would want nothing to do with their group/one of them would say ‘oh, she is so out, out of the group’ I thought this was mean and wrong . I did speak up but not loud enough.  I wouldn’t want anything bad to happen to them, in fact wish them well I, just call it like I see it and I hate the fucking phony ___’s. In fact I don’t need to hate them, they are nothing, they are not real.

Thought: I hate the fucking hypocritical bitches. I do not trust them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, ‘I hate the fucking hypocritical bitches. I do not trust them.’ I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to indulge in memories as thoughts and pictures in my mind that bring up  emotions that can harm me. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by and go into an energetic reaction of guilt, anger, shame, humiliation, suspicion, hate, jealousy, resentment and fear at memories of these girls in high school when I have the thought, ‘ I hate the fucking hypocritical bitches. I do not trust them. ‘ I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the words: high school, basement, dance, drinking, laughing, group, clothes, party, boys, boyfriend, Lorne Park, the group, girl friends to the thought, ‘I hate the fucking hypocritical bitches. I do not trust them. ‘

Self Corrective Statement:

Whenever I have a memory of the Lorne Park girls and go into an energetic reaction of hate, blame, anger, resentment, I stop, I breathe. I realize it is in my control now to stop my thoughts, feelings and emotions in the moment and not be enslaved to them into infinity. I realize I was not wrong in the past about not ‘feeling’ mushy and gooey, lovey girl stuff, it was not real and I can trust myself to know who is real and what is true respect and love and what is not. I realize I was just like them, they are not so bad, I had lots good times with them and are in many ways they are ‘good’ people. I realize it is useless to blame others for my own actions, it is /was my responsibility that I had a problem and not their fault I behaved badly. I realize my focus should be on myself in each moment and not on judging another, that is not best for all. I no longer accept and allow  myself  to be living in a dream world of past memories, controlling and enslaving me for ever to re-live the past. Instead I bring myself back here, to the physical and remind myself it is all that is ever real and relevant in my world and get on with my day.

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Lorne Park girls: 2. I met another group of women from my high school when I met the man I married, as he was 5 years ahead of me from the same neighbourhood and high school. Three of these women I spent alot of time with. Overall, they were ok individually, it is the memory of the group that comes up more.   I will include some thoughts about individuals and the group in the pattern.

Thought Pattern:

Oh god, those hateful women. What a bunch of snobs, snotty bitches of the worst kind. I was not good enough, or didn’t fit in or what the fuck ever! They were right , I totally didn’t fit in. I wasn’t proficient at being fake, acting better than (not too obviously, just enough so it comes across but you can’t call the person out on it-fucking evil behavior). I did not ever and still don’t know how to be super friendly to someone and then ignore them another time-I never got that. (Actually , I would be guilty of that when I drank but not sober, sincere if not confident.) I can’t stand UI and her sister, they think they are better than me. UI is so stupid she rubbed her wealth in my face many times in many ways and I was so insecure I victimized myself by staying friends with her.

Thought/Memory:

I can’t stand those rich Lorne Park witches. I can’t believe I idolized them and put myself in a position to be hurt by them.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to think, ‘ I can’t stand those  rich Lorne Park witches. I can’t believe I idolized them and put myself in a position to be hurt by them.’ I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by the emotions of inferiority, bitterness, jealousy, anger, resentment, spitefulness, guilt, shame, fear, hate at the thought, ‘ I can’t stand those  rich Lorne Park witches. I can’t believe I idolized them and put myself in a position to be hurt by them.’ I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect the words: Lorne Park, girls, women, group, friends, old, children, Glenforest, chalet, cottage, sea-do, competition, money, debt, rich, wealth, dinner party, school, high school, decorate, bake, Mercedes to the thought, ‘I can’t stand those  rich Lorne Park witches. I can’t believe I idolized them and put myself in a position to be hurt by them.’

Self Corrective Statement:

Whenever I go into an energetic reaction of  guilt, jealousy, hatred, fear, anger, inferiority over the thought, ‘I can’t stand those  rich Lorne Park witches. I can’t believe I idolized them and put myself in a position to be hurt by them’ , I stop, I breathe. I realize I had many good times with these women over the years and that they are not so bad and in many ways ‘good’ people by our current society values, but off on certain things. I realize I valued money and was greedy just like them. I realize it is a waste of time and useless to blame another for my circumstances and mental state. I realize I am just as guilty and responsible for any interactions that took place. I realize I don’t need ‘friends’ I need myself here in every moment but company sometimes is fun and supportive. I realize I can trust myself if I feel uncomfortable with people there is a reason and I can remove myself if I feel it is best. I no longer accept and allow myself to engage in memories as thoughts and pictures in my mind bring up emotions that can harm me. I no longer accept and allow myself to waste time blaming others for the ‘past’ as ‘going over it’ again and again in my mind only results in me re-living the past as my starting point was from the past. Instead I bring myself back ‘here’ to the physical and the  moment with the breath and carry on with the task at hand and not in my head.

When researching pregnancy, especially in ‘developed’ countries, one of the main concerns that comes up is teen pregnancy as unwanted/unplanned pregnancy and the resulting poverty that often occurs. Often the young woman ends up raising the child herself, is from a lower income , does not have post secondary education or the funds available to pursue such which could limit her future earning potential, so she and her unborn child are vulnerable on several fronts.

There are young women in North America who romanticize the idea of having a baby, on their own or with their teen boyfriend and see it as a badge of honor or ‘a way out’. I have seen these young women on various tv shows who believe life will be different for them, they will not be ‘like their parents’. It clearly is an example of trying to repair the past/correct mistakes their parents made and thus heal themselves. It is naive but also very selfish. Some, not all, also know they will receive government funding when they have a child but they lack foresight about the struggles they will face and the constant need for money when the child arrives. Also the constant loving care a child needs will constrict their mobility greatly, one needs to be stable on many fronts; emotionally, mentally, physically and financially to raise a healthy child. Please note, I am not suggesting a person in need not receive any government assistance, that would also be irresponsible. One should provide neccessities of life for ones child. I received government subsidized daycare and a monthly baby bonus for my 2 children for many years. It was extremely helpful.

In North America, a main issue is not the pregnancy but contraseptives. This will be discussed in detail in a future blog. However, in an equal money system, there will be a huge decline in the number of  unplanned , unwanted pregnancies. Subsequently, there will be a huge decline in teen poverty, domestic violence, suicide, mental illness. One of the reasons young women get pregnant is too leave their current dometic situation/family unit where they could have been emotionally, physically abused.  They do not have the financial means to live independantly so they see starting their own family as a way out, a fresh start. No blame here, just statements.  Largely I say this because in an equal money system the implications for a society are huge. Just to focus on pregnancy for now, from a starting point of financial stability, one can breath, let go of the constant energetic reacion of fear in the stuggle for survival, where’s my next meal, working for minmum wage and just making enough to provide food and roof over your/your families head.

As an aside, it is interesting , currently you see the middle class as slaves to the rich and the elite cannot afford a vacation, are losing their homes, cannot do anything but work, living pay cheque to pay cheque,which is not life but a form of robotic existance. I’m not even touching the subject of flat out poverty- the middle class=new widening lower class-are not being quiet and remaining good litttle robots in earth’s big factory for rich-they are getting pissed off–little too much greed there-ooops!  Memo to the rich: you made a boo boo, you should have thrown us some more bones so we would continue feeding off our addiction to consumerism, it keeps us busy so we don’t notice all the millions if not billions you are hoarding.

Anyway, I digress, in an equal money society women, young women will have a real alternative to dependancy on their parents/main caregivers/boyfriend/husband. This will reduce unwanted pregnancy in all woman of child bearing years. Equal Money will also reduce the number of abortions of all women. Let me walk through this:   If one has stable income the point of building a family unit for stability and survival will be eliminated. A woman will have a real ‘choice’ to decide how they want to express themselves and contribute to their world, no longer constricted by the social situation they were born into, geography, all the various opportunities for a decent future money buys. These opportunities include: education, transportation, adequate rest/sleep because one needs to work and look after children or go to school, less stress which can lead to physical and mental illness in the form of addiction, afford a break/vacation for rest and enjoyment so life is not just about ‘getting through it’.  If they are in a current relationship they do not have to remain, they will have the means=the money to leave a unsatisfactory situation and start new life in which they can afford to house, cloth, feed, educate their children without having to ‘bend over’ compromise/prostitute themselves.