Posts Tagged ‘self’

I am interupting my blogs on failed relationships because I had such a strong reaction to a woman I saw in a coffee shop yesterday.  I was an aquaintance of hers years ago, our daughter’s were friedns in primary school. Point is, nothing happened, we do not say ‘hi’ to one another, doesn’t matter, it was just my reaction and explosion of backchat and emotion that I am concerned with and want expose and forgive so I can stop the pattern of reaction whenever I see a woman I know , or I don’t know, who represents rich bitch to me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to delude myself into believing a picture has any power to control me, represented as a woman with expensive clothing, jewelery, etc. defining who she is as life or who I am as life, as a woman, equal to just a role/actor in a movie to be shiny and pretty as a trophy for her husband and to make other women appear less than so she and she as me, may be rewarded with positive energy in the form of feeling better than. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to judge myself as less than/inferior to the  picture of this woman who always wears high heels and has very expensive hair style, huge house, drives a mercedes benz,  and thereby say to myself that I am nothing without wealth and without engaging/indulging in the hierarchical and  patriarchical systems of abuse that currently exist in this world. 

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by guilt in thinking, ‘I should not judge her as a rich bitch when I really do not know her, she seemed friendly/nice enough years ago’. I realize I do not judge her as much as not trust what she advertises herself to be as in involved in materialism and competition. I am in the process of removing myself from these world systems of beauty, competition, personal wealth for self interest. I realize we are one and equal in fact as she is me and not separate from and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect this woman to other woman I have known in my past thereby abusing myself with getting lost in memories in my mind which can harm me, bringing up thoughts and emotions of regret, spite, jealously about what material things I do not have (indulgences as I have all I need), trips I cannot take, shameful memories feeling less than with wealthy friends and family, comparing what I could get for /do for my young children versus what others could do for their children, and on and on desires/wants.

I commit myself, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective action, to remind myself that I am not a picture, nor is any other woman, and commit to not competing with any other woman for a man’s attention/desire/money by draping myself in money as fashion, jewelery, shoes, hair style, make-up but to examine my starting point when dressing that it is not to be more than another being but for comfort and practicality and enjoyment.  

I commit myself to never again judge myself as a loser/less than/average/inferior when seeing another being who is dressed to attract attention.  I commit myself to more and more withdrawing from the money system and world systems that state I, as a woman, must dress/look a certain way to be desirable or worthy and instead express my physicality in a way that is self-honest to me in the moment, whether it be for fun or sport or comfort, etc.  

I commit myself to not judge another being by their appearance and know I am as/equally responsible for the abuse of individuals being treated as less than/inferior, the abuse of human beings within the money system, the abuse of woman as sexualized by the media within/for profiting from selling sex/goods within the current money system.

   I commit myself, through writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective living, to staying ‘here’ in my awareness and not getting lost in my mind by connecting a wealthy woman in a coffee shop to memories, bringing up pictures in my mind, judgements/opinions, emotions of anger, jealousy, shame, guilt, regret, hatred, spitefulness, and continual thoughts.

I commit myself , when I see someone from my past who is a woman who is wealthy and physically adorning herself, to stop and breathe and simply say hello (whatever is appropriate) and to not judge her by the past and realize the truth that we are in fact one and equal and be an example of that.   Image

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In 2012 and beyond we as a race, the human race, will be forced to face our religion of self; how we have been existing in self interest, in and as the mind.

Our excuse for ignoring the suffering of millions?  Survival of the fittest, apparently it is ok to just take care of myself/my family to any degree, even if I make a billion dollars I can ‘keep’ it and not share because I am superior/more ‘fit’ than my fellow man as I made/received more money=God on earth, than my fellow man. I have my private mind, so lots of ‘company’ to soothe my guilty ‘heart’, of unlimited thoughts, justifications, denials, spites, comparisons, etc.

In this private religion of self, one does not have to face the common sense practicalities/facts in this world for the reason I have so much and others have nothing. Some of these would be where I was born, my parents and grandparents wealth, my ability to be educated, my access to proper nutrition and medical expertise, the mental state of my parents while they are raising me-are they well rested, over-stressed, able to pay the bills? Also the religion I was born into and exposed to, cultural practices, and others, all have a direct effect on my ability to make money in this physical reality.

Charity is another sad excuse for us not taking responsibility for what we have created on earth. It seems that the on going status quo of charity is acceptable to most in this world. But it does not and will not solve the literal ‘hell on earth’ that is ‘life’ for millions of people. Charity does not end starvation, rape, poverty, sex-slavery, prostitution, famine, war, violence, domestic-violence, abuse etc.  What will end it ? Us, here, only us ‘here’.

Please look at the photo I have placed within this blog. Your pain is not greater than another’s pain, this is a simple statement. It is so clear, the message is clear and simple. It matters not to these children that you have some grand theory about their ‘fate’/’lot’ in life or ‘lessons’ they and you are here to learn. They are suffering this moment, they are in pain. Your thoughts are bullshit excuses to close your eyes again.

STOP STOP. Stop the mind as your self created religion, kill your ego as your created life story and birth yourself ‘here’ as life in the physical. Live what is best for all and not in self interest of ego. Of course we can end starvation, we need to implement an equal money system and build a new distribution system. It will take time and great effort.

My self religion continually tells me I am lack, not good enough for an ‘abundant’ life , people/men will always leave me,   I must be fearful of lack of money each day, I must ‘worry’ , I must obsess and I can find comfort in alcohol, pills, food and somewhat my children, I cannot trust myself, I should get a traditional ‘job’ and on and on it goes. It tells me I need to buy a cottage, it’s not fair I don’t have a cottage (although I have a home) because all my ‘peers’ have one, I should get plastic surgery, new clothes, travel, have a husband that earns more, blah, blah, blah.  Greed, jealousy, great fear; these things are a part of my self religion. Also kindness and ‘charity’ for the ‘poor unfortunates’ who have less than myself and my ‘lucky’ family. But don’t give too much, don’t leave yourself short, just a little, there, yes , you are a ‘good’ person. Now, no need to think about others, get to work to make money for myself and my family.

So, I stop my mind as my ego, I face and let go of self-created self-religion in each moment ‘here’ in each breath and I bring myself back to the physical.  I do this with the support and assistance of a group of people at Desteni.Org. I am learning to not be limited by my mind through DesteniIProcess.com online course.

It is not acceptable to exist in and as my mind, one must face ones own creation of what is here on earth today. It is our responsibility to change this world into a place where each being lives ‘best for all ‘ principals in each breath. We cannot change what we are not aware of, stop the charade, stop your self-imposed blindness, stop abdicating your responsibility and start being/living the change. Join Us!