Posts Tagged ‘terrorism’

I looked up the word ‘bank’ in the dictionary (not thinking about it too much) expecting to find: financial institution, place where the public keeps their money, blah, blah, blah…Instead I found the following:

bank   dictionary.com 04/11/11

1. a long pile or heap; mass: a bank of earth; a bank of clouds.

2 a slope or acclivity

3  Physical Geography. the slope immediately bordering a streamcourse along      which the water normally runs.

4. a broad elevation of the sea floor around which the water is relatively shallow but not a hazard to surface navigation.
5 .Coal Mining. the surface around the mouth of a shaft.
It seems to me the commonality most of these definitions have is that a bank is an elevation or foundation of some part of the natural earth.  Hmm, well now that is interesting because I would have given bank the following definition:
Bank:  A place where I am told ‘no’. A place where I am humiliated. I place where I feel no one sincerely cares but put on fake smiles and a supposed helpful demeanour but I understand their ‘hands are tied’ as they ‘just work there’. A place where I feel shitty that, although I hate them, I am wrought with guilt because they are the pawns behind the cowards..I mean powerful players of the corporation (you know the ones who have billions of dollars and never show their face, I wonder how much their mortgage is ?…oh , nothing, that’s right. I wonder how much they pay in tax? …oh again nothing. they know all the ways to cheat but they do not call it cheating).
Anyway, back to the question. Will there be banks in an Equal Money System? (EMS)
No, not as you think of a bank now. One would assume that money and  banks go together but in an EMS they do not.  The banks role has purely been of  a service provider, making a profit from controlling the movement of money. However, within an EMS, the incentive to make profit will no longer exist and therefore the need for banks will no longer exist.

Money, itself, will not be owned. The only thing that will be owned will be life!  Everyone will receive equal money from birth to death.  In practicality, we will utilize the electronic infrastructure currently in place in the world as a monitoring system, which means you will be given credits on a card, say monthly, each one receiving the same, and use these credits at various stores to get all the goods and services you and your family require. So this card is  simply a tool used to trade in a responsible, accountable fashion.  Hence, money will be purely the accounting tool used to plan, implement and coordinate the details of  the division of resources at an individual and a global scale .

You won’t need to ‘pay for’ anything. You deserve all that is here for ‘free’ as you are one and equal to it. It does not matter where you are born, to what family, what history your family had. We do not put value on life as each other nor on food we produce, plants, animals, mountains, oceans nor the sky nor the rain. Time for us to wake up, all is free to roam the earth and enjoy what is here within a ‘best for all’ awareness and responsibility.

Wouldn’t it be great if banks could be transformed into community centers? A practical tool, a place to gather and support each other to become effective as individuas and as a community.

What was the common theme in dictionary definitions of ‘bank’ ?  An elevation or foundation of some part of the natural earth. The earth, home, the dust we come from and return to.  

Bank: new definition:  a natural part of the earth, a place to gather and share how to live ‘best for all’ principals, a place that lifts one up, gives one stability to grow as life, a place to support each other in all aspect of and as community, a place of togetherness as the new earthling.

Free yourself from the voice in the head that has taught you to become a ‘good’ consumer slave . Please join us at Desteni.co.za.

Being pregnant is difficult in the best of circumstances.  I realize there are women who breeze through this experience but for most of us regular shmucks it’s a very trying time on many fronts. I recall with my second pregnancy, thinking I must have cancer (not to be insensitive to anyone who’s life has been affected by cancer) because within the first 2 or 3 weeks I was literally exhausted and felt very ill.  I did not consider I was pregnant at the time for several reasons. It hit me like a truck and I spent alot of time in bed. Now, at that time I lived in a lovely neighbourhood, owned a home and good vehicle and though my husband and I did not have alot extra, we had a wonderful life. I was a stay at home mom to my 2 year old daughter.

I live in Canada which provides an excellent health care system. I did not have to work, (although looking after a 2 year old is work) not outside the home anyway. I had all doctor appointments, exams paid for, all hospital fees were taken care of ; doctor, delivery room and staff, any drugs, emergency surgery (C-section with my first born) and 3 days in the hospital.  In Canada perscription drugs are not provided for free but I recall I did not take anything stronger than an asprin occasionally during pregnancy anyhow. Just a note, it was not through any great discipline on  my part, I did not drink at all and smoked very little because I felt  sooooo sick for the first 3 months with both my kids and then 4-9months I was used to this routine so it was easy to keep up.

Throughout both of my pregnancies, my second I used a midwife, (there was a fee but it was not much) anyone I saw, as a patient, treated me with the utmost respect, gave me their undivided attention, time, sincere concern, and advice. I never felt looked down upon or unimportant. Good thing too, it’s a very vulnerable position to be in, for anyone! It is also an emotional and frightening time for a woman, her body is changing rapidly and she has to be concerned about another life , in the immediate moment and for several years to come, yikes!  Yes, woman need much TLC during this time, I say this in all honestly and sincerity.

Well, I went through all of that for a reason, to give you a picture, in stark comparison, to the reality hundreds of thousands of pregnant women face each year.  I was aghast, sadly not surprised, to read about some of the horrors poor, pregnant women face in the  vast slums of Nairobi. When some of these women were asked about their major concerns, two things emerged.  One, the poor treatment they received from healthcare workers , due to the stigma of  ‘poor’ branded on these women and the harsh reality of the necessity to earn income outside of the home.

In an article taken from ‘The Standard’, a Nairobi online newpaper, written by Michael Oriedo,  March30,2011,   “The African Population and Health Research Centre (APHRC) study says poor women shun modern maternity and delivery services, not because they do not have money, but because they suffer poor treatment at the facilities .The study finds that some health providers are not charitable towards poor pregnant women, often abandoning them or ignoring them when they visit health center and hospitals.”   So these women often turn to local midwives who are affordable and give them the  time and respectful service they deserve -as a human being-and to the unborn human being she is carrying!  This is not to suggest the midwife is inferior to the traditional medical doctor/nurse in any way, but one should not have to go without necessary treatment and seek out an alternative, which could take weeks and have financial costs, when there are already, at a facility, capable practitioners in attendance.

It is no longer acceptable to me to not speak out, I do not condone this behaviour from other human beings any longer. These women are equal to the richest of pregnant women anywhere in this world and must be treated as such. They are indeed life as is the unborn child, as are you, as is the care provider who ignores the patient.  In a society of equal money this will not occur as each will be provided for from birth until death, all necessities will be met. There will be no charge for essential health care services. Each will be given the same amount of money to live on for some form of accountability and enough money  for essentials of life. You will not pay rent or a mortgage to a bank so some few families are incredibly rich, beyond imagination and get to have the earth as their playground while the vast, majority of humans suffer horribly with nothing and nothing to look forward to. I refuse to listen to the excuse, ‘well, that is their lot in life’, ‘God, has a plan’, ‘there is nothing I can do about  it’, “it’s up to my higher power, I’m not in control of that, they must have something to learn.’  What crap, shame on us.

if I was to take a can of spray paint and cover your house or car in graffiti would you have the right to stop me, maybe its just ‘gods will’ or your lot in life or a ‘higher plan’ well, you can fix it but each time you fix it , i did it again, would it make you angry? And that was just your property not your wife, mother, sister, child I was damaging. ‘That’s rediculous’, you may retort, no what is rediculous is to let a situation continue in which one pregnant woman is taken care of and another overlooked-simply becasue of the coin in her purse. Literally one baby is given human care/love and another human discarded, that is dispicable.

The second major problem, the pregnant women in the slums of Nairobi face, is the stark fact of needing to make money so their families don’t starve, let alone pay for other necessities of daily living…er I should say daily surviving.  The same article in The Standard, Michael Oriedo reports, “…Poverty forces pregnant women into doing heavy workloads, catering for the children they have already as well as  babies’ needs. Due to poverty, women work hard during pregnancy and the period surrounding it. They work in construction sites as head-carriers and loaders, stay out late selling their wares, or go from door to door looking for work,” 

Head carriers! That is heavy physical labour, I would have puked and fainted and I am completely serious. Now I would have also gotten up , like these women, and ‘soldiered on’ to feed my other children at home, pay rent and electricity etc. but it would be hell.I assume it is very hot in Nairobi so easy to become dehydrated. I wonder if these women get fair/compassionate breaks, water, nutrition, increased bathroom breaks on the job site, paid sick days or just sick days without threat of loosing their job, paid time off for doctors appointments? Perhaps some, I don’t know but I’m guessing no. Why? Am I jaded? Sure, I’ve felt like crap before and been treated like crap before and I don’t wish it on my fellow human sisters.Yes, I am jaded by the proven greed of the human race, the never ending race. Perhaps some employers do or/and some want to be helpful to these women but have their own troubles and family to pay for. I know I have been guilty of this , ‘I’ll be more ‘giving’ after I straighten out this debt I have.’ Slipping into justifying self interest, sadly, it’s the money system. We’re monkeys in a cage, all of humanity but the rich and the invisable elite. They have the freedom/movement that money provides, all the best services (health, fitness, travel, vacations, no stress from money worries).

 Now, I understand other places in the world have trials and tribulations for the pregnant woman, this is not a competition, I am simply looking at one situation in our world. We are not separate;, one world, your world , my world. Indeed, one baby, your baby, my baby. One problem for us all to address and, finally,  find a solution that is best for all.

These women have to work very hard to save enough money to make up for the time they will miss from work after the delivery and time they will spend at home. Many have no choice but to continue with the heavy workload immediately after birth. This often results in sapping the women’s energy and blood and leaves them fragile. Understandably, the women then are exposed to horrific outcomes: bleeding, anaemia, hypertension, malaria, placenta retention, premature labour, prolonged or obstructed labour and preeclampsia (convulsions).These problems often result in stillbirths, premature births, pregnancy loss, maternal mortality, morbidity, and deformity. 

One of the women interviewed, a 27-year-old mother, told of her experience of nearly dying five days after giving birth. She worked as a cleaner until a week before her delivery and resumed her job few days after giving birth. Sadly, on her first day at work after delivery, she suffered heavy bleeding. She had to start work immediately so her children wouldn’t starve. Although she knew she needed to stay home and rest she simply needed the money.It nearly cost her her life.

Please investigate a real alternative, that is best for all at http://www.EqualMoney.Org. Let us all stand together to create a better world, an equal world!  

 

 

 

 

Thought: It doesn’t matter if I write a book on self forgiveness or not, no one will read it.

Self sabotage: I have fallen on a point before I even stand, before I write one word , I have believed a thought in my mind-which has no reality unless it is given a reality by me acting on it!  And so I follow my ego, perhaps some doubt and guilt creep in, no matter, my mind has many justifications,  ‘Well, not many people would read it, not enough to make a difference’ ‘I really don’t know how to market a book on the internet anyway’ ‘i’ve never had any success selling stuff I’ve made’ ‘ what am I a sheep?  Following everything said at Desteni, it’s rediculous’.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself  to think, ‘It doesn’t matter if i write a book on self forgiveness or not, no one will read it.’I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe the thought, ‘It doesn’t matter if i write a book on self forgiveness or not, no one will read it.’ I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have  the thought, ‘It doesn’t matter if i write a book on self forgiveness or not, no one will read it’ exist  within and as me as real.

Self Realizations: I realize I no longer accept and allow myself to project into the future/determine the ‘future’ from a starting point of a past memory. I realize ‘past’ experiences do not determine who and what I am in this here moment of breath. I realize I can learn how to set up a store online and market products. I realize it is a pointless waste of my time to participate in ‘worry’ about not selling something I don’t even have yet! Lol, how insane is that!  I realize a self forgiveness book is a productive use of my time as it helps me in my process ‘here’, it may help others or, if I don’t make it, through changes  that are occuring on earth, hopefully it/the book will remain to assist future generations. I realize Desteni has assisted and supported me in several ways and continues to do so , in my personal process of becoming self  as life (not self as ego) , explained my mind to me, provides  an invaluable community of  beings who have the same values as myself (never found that before in my life) and has provided me with a platform to express myself. We are one and equal, I can switch roles and play the shepard sometime.

Self corrective statement: Whenever I have the thought,  ‘It doesn’t matter if I write a book on self forgiveness or not, no one will read it’, I stop, I breath. I no longer accept and allow myself to be directed by excuses and  justification of the mind. I realize this  thought is of the mind  I bring myself back ‘here’ to the physical and remain here with the breath in each moment. I realize it is impossible to share the message -solution- of self forgiveness if everyone projected into the future and assumed no one will read a SF booklet, no one will if it is not written. I carry on with my day and begin writing.

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Largely what and who I am is a library of accumulated knowledge and information, filed in my brain/ mind. I am largely knowledge and information in the form of remembered experiences-I call upon with my memroy that tell me how to react/feel/  to a certain situation. These ‘memories’ in fact are copied from our parents as we are raised by them as an example and so it goes from one generation to the next. Talk about robotic! I suppose we do ‘tweek’ various personality traits but we are basically little copies of each other. Its actually pretty funny, if it wasn’t so tragic that human beings war with each other, partly over ‘differences’ in religion, skin color, regions, ownership of land, it goes on, when we are all actually very much the same.

So if I continually reference memories/pictures in my mind of events from past experiences, to tell me how to act/feel today to a certain situation nothing new will occur that will bring about any lasting , effective change! Oh, I could go back to school and get more knowledge and information  but how would I as a person on earth do/contribute  something completely different, which is required if a different result is to occur, which this planet sorely needs.

Many things we experience are based on ‘excitment’. It is actually a distraction and a very effective one! An average day of an average Canadian-in winter-can be dull, depressing-get dressed , kids to school, work hard in an office enviroment 8 hours, exhausted by the end of the week and have little to no extra money to show for it, stress, behind on bills, its dark and cold…need a reason to carry on so ‘experences’ which awaken the senses/emotions work well. Whether it be a fast, thrilling adventure on skis or motorcycle or exposure to a religious/spiritual  ‘miracle’ or the thrill of a new life/baby being born. Yes these ‘experiences’ are what we thrive on, hold on to, when times are tough or just the same=boring to humans, to keep us going to… damn it, make us feel alive! I used to use large doses of alcohol for that, worked quite well for several year and then.. well.. it didn’t.  Or a new ’cause’ to focus on and ‘fight’ for; someone has cancer, tragic starvation in Somalia, oust a dictator through revolution, write a song about revolution, listen to a song about revolution and feel heartache,pangs sympathy for a fellow human being, if only for a few moments.  These exciting-happy exciting-or sad exciting-experiences bring us together for a short while. But no one really means it, the togetherness because we all resort back to self interest in no time.

If people really meant it they would demand their politicians to stop pouring billions of dollars-that could feed/house people today-into building weapons of war, fighter jets for the purposes of war and letting the elite hide and hoard their billions-money that could be used for the good of all.

The experience of a few who have reached the ‘American Dream’ is held out like the carrot on a stick to the’common’ people, who see the ultra wealthy paraded on tv and movie screens, in magazines and on the news, in the small hope that they too will be lucky, hit it big, achieve financial freedom, even win the lottery.  Watching the news last night I heard President Obama tell a vicious lie.  I generally like the guy but his comment really caught me off guard, maybe he even believes it, I don’t know. It was a Labor Day speech in Detroit, the auto industry hard hit by the ‘its not a recession’  recession, “…the American Dream is still achievable by all.”  Really? No, not really but it stirs up emotions and has a nice ring to it. Somewhat off topic but I couldn’t help but to mention that, it’s just so utterly and obviously false it shocks me no one has commented on the insanity of that statement.

I play a game with myself  when ‘things’ get really bad in my life. It goes like this ; what if I had no prior knowledge of my life and I was just beamed into this body and circumstances–so I just found myself here in this life with the present ‘problems’ conditions, body, people, etc?   What occurs is the emotions/feelings/ confusion with so many thoughts from the past as experiences-quite literally, disappear!  So no past experiences to draw on=slow you down/fill you with anguish,  no assumptions to make- and voila…common sense marches forth.  Much simplification instantly occurs, looking at facts as numbers, mathematics, options, a calm atmosphere ensues, the mind moves slower and more concise, decisions are made quicker ,without the stronghold of fear-when there was no actual threat at the moment or near future-manipulating and sabotaging them.  I can breath, my body relaxes, I become grateful for what I have, all when I remove the mind- the mind as the past, as experiences.  Try it sometime!

So if we don’t ‘draw upon’ past experiences to tell us what to do, what to think, how to act, how to feel…what do we do?!   Well, you can check out Desteni to get the answers to that . Another thing Obama put to the crowd in Detroit , in his Labor Day speech, was that, just as in the past, Americans would do what they  have always  done and ‘get to work’/ rise up/ not give up -kind of thing. Unfortunately for the whole world, another thing that happens-if you look at experience/history to tell you where you’re going-when the world economies are floundering and then collapse;   W  A  R . . .

There is an alternative, there is in fact a solution. Better than the American lottery..err I mean dream. It is Equal Money. Equal Money for All to live a dignified life. It is bringing heaven to earth. It is what a few people are busy doing. Please join us at Desteni. Please investigate EqualMoney.Org

Survival of the fittest is like a cruel joke because it is so obviously based on money. Depending upon where you are born, into what family you are born, who you know, determines on how ‘fit’ you are to educate yourself and indeed to ‘elevate’ yourself into a position where you are able to hold your head high and say, ‘I am a contributing member of society, I am holding my own’.

As well,  you have much more likely been ‘blessed’ with the needed practical tools of self esteem from consistant, loving care children need as they grow, determination, opportunity, ‘choice’ of career etc. I mention consistant and loving care with some hesitation as I was a single parent with no money raising my children. So poor does not equal  providing no consistancy or love. Obviously I did, however, the sad fact is it is much more difficult as one gets exhausted day in and day out raising children without the luxury of help (a needed break), no time for self care or reflection as to what is working/important and what should be altered.

Put simply; within the current money system, survival is based almost entirely on money. If one has abundance, is wealthy, they have time. Time to get enough rest, exercise, have their ‘house in order’ , enjoy hobbies, be creative, explore themselves and their world, take vacation and therefore building mental and physical ‘fitness’.

If one is middle class, they have very little time to do these things and just keep ‘running’ and do not stop long enough to determine how to change this world so the ‘human/rat race’ can be stopped.

If one is poor, well, they do not have any chance/hope to build ‘fitness’ and only focus on one day of their children/themselves not dying, not becoming dehydrated, diseased, murdered, raped.  Perhaps they are focussed on migrating to a ‘safer’ region. There is little , virtually no power they hold that will magically change their circumstances and so internalize their outrage and pray to a ‘God’ for some relief, if only in the hereafter.

In a world where an equal money system was in place, all would have their basic needs met!  Food, shelter, medical care!  This is not some ‘pie in the sky’ crazy utopian idea. There is enough food in the world currently to feed all beings on the planet, there are enough resources and manpower to house all the beings on the planet, there are enough people to provide all the care we need. Do we really need to suffer more before we stand up and say, ‘No I do not accept the way the world is currently operating’ and start taking action?

For example how much does a fighter jet cost?  This is taken from Wiki Answers on August 21, 2011

“Well, it varies according to the fighter jet. Here are prices of several models.

  • F-22 Raptor stealth fighter jet costs $150 million
  • Sukhoi Su-30MKI costs $35.74 million
  • Eurofighter Typhoon costs €90 Million
  • Chengdu J-10 costs $27.84 million

Canada is in the process of deciding whether to purchase the F-15 fighter jet-don’t say how many , I believe it was about 6-8, spending 9 Billion, some estimate it could go as high as 18 Billion Dollars!!!   What????   That ‘s in sanity. Why? To supposed protect ourselves from ,and of course kill, other human beings.

I would be speechless except that won’t change anything.

In an equal money system we eliminate ‘the enemy’ by providing what ‘they’ are fighting for;        SURVIVAL.

We are slaves to the elite but we don’t have to be. If you are interested in making a difference and want to change our world now, please investigate at EqualMoney.Org

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Self-Forgiveness on the memory

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a memory exist within and as me of me and my Dad talking, at the cottage, about selling the cottage to one of his children.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of talking to my Dad about selling the cottage thinking he needed my guidance to make a ‘good’ decision.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of talking to my Dad about selling the cottage in which I was sitting in the main room, looking over the lake and to have this memory exist within and as me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of talking to my Dad about selling the cottage when I was intoxicated with liquour and thinking it would be ‘shared’ among my siblings and myself.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of talking to my Dad about selling the cottage and feeling ‘inferior’ and ‘sorry for myself’ now that the reality of the situation that I have no access to the cottage, has set in.

Self-Forgiveness on reason for holding on to the memory:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to hold onto a memory of taking to my Dad about selling the cottage to one of his children so that I can remain in a ‘victim’ self pity’ role in my life, forever stuck in timeloops, playing the jealous thoughts over and over in my mind, as to not move on, take responsibility for my actions in my life, so not move as the directive principal of ‘me’ instead stuck in regret of the past, so my ‘here’ is actually thoughts of the past and  creates my future from the starting point of the past regret.

Self-Forgiveness on connection to the thought:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to connect a memory of taking to my Dad about selling the cottage to one of his children to the thought, ‘I should have never told my Dad to sell the cottage to one of his children.’

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Realizations/ Self-Corrective Statements

I realise it is pointless/waste of time to hold onto a memory of talking with my father about selling the cottage.

I realise I had to go through the experience of alcoholism, loss of property, loss of marriage, loss of all my money , loss of myself= how I perceived myself to be as a human being (went ‘insane’ lost control of my mind) in order to bring me to a point where I could accept the truth of the Desteni message and pick myself up, to now stand one and equal with my world.

I realise I love-respect my father (he passed on) and do not want to focus on this memory of him.

I realise he was correct, it would have been ‘better’ to sell the cottage to someone outside the family-or I understand his concern now-thoughit does not matter to me , especially after doing this assignment.

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Whenever the memory of taking to my father about selling the cottage comes to my mind I stop, I breath. I no longer accept and allow myself to by possessed by this memory, to have it control me by bringing up harmful emotions and thoughts, to have it enslave me to the past as a ‘failure’ that I lost an opportunity for family time in a ‘beautiful’ setting and a valuable asset. Instead I bring myself back to the physical, to ‘here’ in each moment of each breath where I exist one and equal to all.

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I realise this memory keeps me trapped forever in a timeloop, destined to re-live the past by re-playing the ‘tape’ in the present and creating my future from this starting point of fear of loss/regret and jealousy.

I realise I have refused to stand up by holding onto this memory, by remaining in a victim role , self-pity role and not taking responsibility for my life and my actions. I can blame my father for ‘listening’ to me when I was drinking and ‘didn’t know better’, for favouring (in a material way) my sister over me, “she always got the ‘good stuff’, my parents spent more money on her and I was the ‘nicer’ of their 2 daughters, it’s not fair, whaaaaa, whaaaaa.”

I realise none of the self-pity does anything to change ‘what is’. It is a useless waste of my time and I no longer accept and allow myself to participate in thoughts of self-pity and self-victimization.

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Whenever the reasons of remaining in the timeloop of self victimization and so not taking responsibility for me as my thoughts, emotions and actions -regarding  the memory of talking with my father about selling the cottage- comes up, I stop and I breath. I realise  I no longer wish to live in this way as purely a system on ‘automatic’ enslaved by memories. I no longer accept and allow myself to point fingers at others or circumstances if I am dissatisfied about a situation. Instead I bring myself back to the physical, to ‘here’ in this moment of breath and I address whatever it is that is bothering me. I remind myself to be grateful for all I have and that I am not in need of anything but am in the process of birthing myself as life in the physical in which all my needs are met and participating in a solution that will bring about a world in which  each and every beings needs are met, one and equal.

The thought of fear that I am working with :  ” I should have never told my father to sell the cottage to one of his children.”

Self-Forgiveness on emotion/feeling:

Fear, Regret, Jealousy, anger, sadness, frustration, hatred, guilt, inferior, stupidity

SELF FORGIVENESS STATEMENTS:

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be controlled and directed by fear of loss in regards to my sister owning the cottage. The loss of money, the loss of possible vacation opportunites and the loss of self as ‘secure’ ‘’wealthy’ . I forgive myself  for accepting and allowing myself for fearing the loss of ‘being wealthy’ when hundreds of thousands of human beings/children in my world are starving to death, painfully  today. I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to enter an energetic  state of lethargy and self pity when I think there is nothing I can do about such a huge problem as people starving to death today. (just checked online; about 16,000 children a day, starve to death !!).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed and controlled by this fear of loss in my life manifesting as regret, so that I am often having thoughts of regretting this past ‘mistake’ of speaking to my father, constantly having thoughts of regretting no vacation in the present and thoughts of regretting no cottage in the future, so always up in the head and not here at all being of service to my world and others in it.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an energetic reaction of jealousy about  my sister owing the family cottage. To have this jealousy exist within and as me, to let it possess and control me to the point of self pity so I cannot see the serious strife of others in my world but exist only in self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an energetic reaction of anger about my sister owing the family cottage. To have this anger exist within and as me, to let it possess and control me to the point of self pity so I cannot see the serious strife of others in my world but exist only in self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an energetic reaction of sadness about my sister owing the family cottage. To have this sadness  exist within and as me, to let it possess and control me to the point of self pity so I cannot see the serious strife of others in my world but exist only in self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an energetic reaction of frustration  about my sister owing the family cottage. To have this frustration exist within and as me, to let it possess and control me to the point of self pity so I cannot see the serious strife of others in my world but exist only in self interest–to the point that I  am stuck/frozen in my mind of thoughts so forever destined to play out the past as it becomes my current reality and  future instead of existing here and dealing with how to ensure all beings  have a home/shelter/food and not worry about vacation properties  (but later I would, as all need to be surrounded by nature sometime).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an energetic reaction of hatred about my sister owing the family cottage. To have this hatred  exist within and as me, to let it possess and control me to the point of self pity so I cannot see the serious strife of others in my world but exist only in self interest. This hatred goes outward to the many people/relations I have that are quite wealthy and have a home/cottage./ski chalet/vacations/much savings  etc….and they protect it viciously (as I probably would have!).

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an energetic reaction of guilt about my sister owing the family cottage. To have this guilt  exist within and as me, to let it possess and control me to the point of self pity so I cannot see the serious strife of others in my world but exist only in self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an energetic reaction of inferiority  about my sister owing the family cottage. To have this inferiority exist within and as me, to let it possess and control me to the point of self pity so I cannot see the serious strife of others in my world but exist only in self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an energetic reaction of inferiority  about my sister owing the family cottage. To have this inferiority  exist within and as me, to let it possess and control me to the point of self pity so I cannot see the serious strife of others in my world but exist only in self interest.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be directed by an energetic reaction of stupidity about my sister owing the family cottage. To have this feeling of stupidity exist within and as me, to let it possess and control me to the point of self pity so I cannot see the serious strife of others in my world but exist only in self interest.